Published June 10, 2011
Hey, haven't written poetry in awhile and this was a school assignment! I had fun writing it! I'd read it in a a southern accent, because that's how I pictured it. This is pretty much an Ode.
Aw, Taters, Oh Taters,
How gently ya' came ta' life,
by hand of another.
How I envah them,
yer otha' lovahs.
Wit mey only lookin' in,
wishin' I could be mashin' ya
'stead of workin' out here,
only a mere harvesta, only ta wish...
only ta be able ta wait
sah long to sit down beside ya',
to stare long atcha
to wish the knowledge of yer mortality away,
so that I could savah yer soft melty taste,
that volcana a' butta,
eruptin' from yer white flesh;
foreva and eva and eva,
our love as eternal as the summa rain,
in Southern Ten-eee-see.
Still, if only my brain would 'cept it.
The horrible truth,
hidden in yer mushy love.
The truth is-
yer just taters.
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140,959 Literary Works • 673,783 Reviews
Hello Sunshine, I'm here to review as requested.
I really liked this poem, because it was funny and simple. The dialect just adds to the whole, and makes it what it is. I'm afraid it wouldn't be as good if it would be written in correct English. But, it's not.
I don't think there's any mistakes... And if there is, I don't think I've seen them because of the whole dialect thing. It's weird to see all the words spelled weirdly. And I must say that you've done the whole thing quite nicely because I could actually hear someone talk with the southern accent in my head.
So, overall it was great. I think you did a great job!
PS: Sorry for the short review...
-Other One
your poem is aweosome dude! keep writing
Amazing voice and dialect! Coming from a fellow mashed potato lover this is some great work. The end is extremely humorous,
"The horrible truth,
hidden in yer mushy love.
The truth is-
yer just taters"
showing how how a human cannot be in love with potatoes. Very awesome.
I...I honestly have nothing to say other than this was hilarious and clever and it flowed well and I just adore it. It really was great. Keep up the excellent work.
THE FOLLOWING IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE DONE THIS, BY THE BY
10/10!
I am part Irish, so yes,
I WORSHIP THE POTATOE!
But I don't know, is this really about potatoes?
Or are they a metaphor, anyway...
'stead of(a) workin out here..."
This was brilliant, and I love the ending, my favorite part was
"sah long to sit down beside ya',
to stare long atcha"
one thing, were you high when you wrote this? It's a legitimate question, going off that last diddy!
Anyway, I'm not usually surprised, or impressed, or "blown away" with most things on this site, maybe less than five works have had that effect, and they have all been "serious" things, but this really did infact BLOW ME AWAY, I believe it was genius,
my other favorite part:
"that volcana a' butta,
eruptin' from yer white flesh;
foreva and eva and eva,
our love as eternal as the summa rain,"
SEE, i'm from SOCAL, so we love kind of talking with southern accents for fun, but unlike most, I actually have family from the south, so I'm not making fun like most of the kids, I'm actually enjoying it because the South is one of the best places on earth, except for the weather of course...
this reminds me of myself, when I talk from the FUTURE, as myself on the porch, talking to the kids and telling them about the past, a little bit I do....I for some reason end up with a southern accent...
anyway, i know you don't care about that stuff, but that's what this did to me, it made me go insane,
keep it up!
JUST MAKE SURE TO KEEP THE WORDING CONSISTENT, I spotted a few little diddies, and keep it clear as well, it's easy to get lost.
Thank you.