NOTE: There's a prologue but I'm too lazy to post it.
Spot The Difference
0.1– Don’t You Know…
So many events happen throughout my life that I don’t remember any of them at times. It’s like someone erases my memory with just one click than the next thing the memory vanishes. Although, Hope, the girl I was talking about earlier, is actually what I like to call ‘The Magician in Disguise’. Even though she’s completely different from any other people, she’s incredibly creepy. Why, the first time I remember when meeting her was really creepy but yet again, that was when I was five years old and I think I was coming down with something so I’m still debating on the matter.
Now that I mention it, when I was five I had a lot of things happening. The first thing was that I moved from my old neighbourhood which had a lot of cool stuff in it, like I remember the guy we lived next to had this awesome show case car. It was something the queen of England rides around in and every time there was a wedding on he would salute me and ride away. That guy was epic, if it weren’t for him, my love of sport would have never appeared anyway.
Oh, I rambled on again. I have to stop doing that but anyway; the reason we had to move was because my dad was having this affair with the lady down at that place where they sell alcohol to lowlife’s like him. He would always yell and abuse my mom in so many ways possible that just thinking about it makes the film play in my head again. The way my mom yelled and the way my dad’s face would fill with range and his hands moved with frustration and waved at everything.
My sisters would always run up to me and cry because of the yelling and screaming and whatnot that came with a fight, my sisters would ask me why and I just stared. How was I supposed to know at the age of five? I didn’t know what to tell my four, three and baby two year old sisters, they were so innocent and sweet hearted that I couldn’t destroy that. Instead I held them close to me, like one of them cartoon turtle’s would do with their shell for protection, and blocked their ears. Sometimes I would hide them I the closet and try to separate mom and dad, only to be thrown away like trash. After their fights, I would find mom crying herself to sleep and my dad slamming the door shut, obviously going to see that lady.
That was years ago though, I’m sixteen years old and has no social life whatsoever.
However, I forgot to mention something, after the fight I would always go to the park and look at the stars. I had no idea why my mom never stopped me but she didn’t, she just slept. Anyway, there was this one night where I ran throughout the park screaming like I was being killed or something, the stars blinked above me and the wind slapped my face, giving me wind burn across my lips. Tears spilled from my eyes as I heard my mom’s voice searching for me. I sat on the bench and stared at my feet with the dim light playing around in the park.
That’s when I saw Hope. She was the same back then, the same hair, the same searching eyes and the same lost look. Although, at first, like many other people, I thought she was some foreigner or something with the way she dressed. She was wearing them really long skirts, the ever growing ones that reach towards the ground or just at her feet. No matter the style of them, I would always see her with skirts and tank tops. The amount of times I have heard her dad say that she needs to cover up in winter is countless; she wears this style all the time. Unbelievable, am I right? Not only that, but she also has these giant bangles and earrings all the time, it’s as if they’re religious.
Anyway, at the time I had no idea who she was so I freaked out a little when I saw her. It was winter at the time too, so it was really weird to see someone dressed like that. However at the same time, I felt like she’s been through what I had on that night, if not then worse. Her feet pattered against the ground, making a dull thud with the dewed grass below her. Her eyes were locked into mine; the look of searching was there again. That look scared me through my skin, it wasn’t I did shake off that well for months. Her hand extended towards me but I pulled away.
She looked like she wanted to cry, but I could tell she was trying to hold it in. Instead she sighed and smiled sadly, “Who are you?”
I gulped, “Ahh…Who are you?”
She tilted her head, letting all her hair flow to one side, “Eh? That’s not important. What’s your name?”
“Umm…Joseph…?”
“Joseph? That’s not your name. Your name is Samuel.”
I raised an eye brow, “No, my name is Joseph…”
She giggled, “Joseph is silly! Joseph should be a Samuel! Joseph looks like a Samuel,” she rubbed her eyes, “Anyway, does Joseph wants to see a magic trick?”
I blinked, “Magic trick?”
“Uh huh! Joseph is smart!”
The name Joseph screamed in my ears as my mom continued to demand me to come. I stuttered, “Ummm…Sorry but I gotta,” I looked back, only to see eyes close to tears. I groaned, hearing my name being called in the distance, “I gotta go! Imma sorry!” I walked away in a brisk pace.
“Oh…” she bowed her head, rubbing her eyes, “But…But Hope was excited and everything!”
I stopped my steps and glanced back at her. In my five year old mind, hearing her name made me scared a little, like seeing a monster jump out of nowhere. I turned to face her, blinking, “Hope? Is that ya name?”
She nodded, jumping as she heard her name being called, “Oh no, my brother found me…I gotta go!”
I ran after her, waving my hands hyperactively, “Wait! Weren’t ya gonna show me a magic trick or somethin’?”
She continued to run but she shouted, “One day, Hope and Joseph is gonna meet…gonna meet in church in a different place!”
That was the final thing I had ever heard out of her before she disappeared into the darkness. I saw again like she told me eleven years ago though, it happened on Sunday and it’s now a Tuesday. To be honest, Sunday terrified me out like I’ve just witnessed a murder or something, what she said then happened but not in a way that I had imagined it when I was small. Well, since I’m babbling on about my past now, I might as well tell you about our reunion.
As I said before, I was a Sunday. How I love Sunday’s, it’s always full of live action sport on TV and it has hardly anyone complaining in my house for some unknown reason. It might be because it’s the day where we Catholics go to church and whatnot but I don’t care, I get to do whatever I want on Sunday’s. My mom is never home on Sunday’s because of her job, she’s like his head chef in the elite restaurant only made for the royals and richest people living. That day she went super early in the morning because there was this event or something. I wish I could’ve come with her, that way I would’ve avoided this situation right now.
My sisters came into my room when I was peacefully sleeping my life away, yelling and screaming that I would get up and take them to church. Well, I admit I wasn’t in the mood to go, but they kept screaming and demanding me to take them. At this point in time, I snapped and questioned them why should we even bother, but all they did was drag me into the bathroom and slammed the door shut to give me privacy. I sighed, some sister’s I live with, and they slam the door in my face and force me to do whatever they God damn please.
Well, I had my shower then, but I took my sweet time in doing so. It was six thirty in the morning and I was forced to go to the stupid mascaraed for two hours, so this is natural. It doesn’t even start until eight thirty, so why did they bother with me! That was when my sister, Joyce, demolished my room to find something decent to wear. Well, at least she cares for me, normally I would choose but she absolutely hates it when I choose clothes for myself because apparently I look like ‘The Guy in the Sport Pants.’ When I was finished with my bath, with the water dripping off my chest and black hair, I found a suit and tie on my bed. That was when I chuckled, “Well, Joyce you’re an idiot.”
I ditched the coat and tie because they suffocated me when I put it on and wondered around the house, the summer’s heat reaching my skin even though it was seven in the morning. I’ll admit that summer is my all-time favourite season and all, but the weather in the morning is just ridiculous.
I brushed a hand throughout my hair, finding someone walking down the street with six other men. It was Hope, in case it wasn’t clear, but at the time, I hadn’t seen her in eleven years and seeing her lie she was shocked me. She looked like some sort of model, with her hair now with curls at the end and the once fringe she had was now not there. However, the one thing that got to me, she was wearing the exact same thing that she was wearing eleven years ago! Okay, I’ll admit that I was overreacting a little; she was wearing a different style of the clothes, like the skirt reached the bottom of her feet and her tank top showed a lot more skin. Still, she was still the same with her expression. My eyes followed her until she disappeared, the men following after her and one chatting in her ear.
It was strange that when a person sees someone like that and times speeds up a lot, because it was eight o’clock when I checked the clock again. That when I ran out the door with my sisters and dashed towards the church, feeling the summer’s breeze that slapped onto my face. As I ran, my sisters started to complain. Joyce groaned, “Can we stop for one minute, Joseph? Please?”
I shook my head, “Nah, we’re nearly there anyway.” I was right, the church stood tall in my eyes and my watch told me that it was five minutes to eight twenty.
“Ugh! Joe, you’re seriously annoying!”
I chuckled and started to slow down when we entered the grounds, “See, we’re here aren’t we?”
“Yeah, yeah…” She rolled her eyes, “Hey, Eve. Judy,” Joyce turned to face my other sister, who was frustrated at fact that the youngest, Judy, hair. She hummed and Joyce continued, “Do ya both think that he’s a douche?”
Eve shrugged, shoving her hands inn her skirt pockets. Judy sighed, “Well, no.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s not a shower bag,” I laughed when Joyce’s face turned confused. She glared at me and Judy sighed once again, “Although, he’s very annoying.”
My grin fell into a ditch and a frown was replaced on my face, “Thanks guys, thanks.”
I watched as some of their friends decided to turn up and all three of them ran off and greeted them lot while I was stuck waiting for my idiot partner in crime, Ian, to show. The idiot didn’t arrive at all because he was busy that day. “The bastard,” I cursed under my breath. I know I really shouldn’t do that at a church but he’s such a moron at times that I couldn’t help it. People gathered in groups and walked inside; my sisters practically shoved me through the crowd and got me seated down. I slumped, glancing around.
Such a beautiful sight this place can be, with the tinted patterns on the glass that showed Mary gracefully lifting her hand to the above. The colours seem to bounce all around; from the chairs to walls of this place that it was like someone’s painting spilled everywhere. When the people sang it was all in the angel’s harmony, the high and lows of the voices melded into one giant cloud of sound. I smiled, closing my eyes and imagining that I was in the pool and just swam; floating on top of the water like a cloud would float in the sky.
It wasn’t long until Eve coughed and I instantly snapped back into reality and sat in my seat, adjusting my shirt. It was nearly over anyway, we just needed to be dismissed or something. However, I wanted to just look around in the church once everyone was gone because I needed inspiration for my art thing I’m doing. Weird isn’t it, I’m that type of person where I get incredibly bored quickly yet when I’m in Art class it feels like life has slowed down to a pause as I create it once more with a single stroke of a brush. I reckon it’s unbelievable that something happens that quickly, but it does.
The Priest commenced the session, leaving everyone to exist the church and wither wondering around outside or going to lunch. My sisters and I stare at each other, before I cleared my throat, “I’m gonna stay here for a little bit.”
Joyce glared, “Seriously? But mom promised she’s gonna come home and make lunch for us!”
I shook my head, “I ain’t goin’ home yet, okay?”
“But mom said lunch! LUNCH! MOM’S A CHEF AND GONNA MAKE US SOME FANCY LUNCH!”
I laughed, “Just tell mom to save some for me, yeah?”
She rolled her eyes and snatched Judy’s wrist, “Fine.” She stormed off with Judy, utterly confused, trailing behind her.
I laughed, glancing at the cross on the church walls, “You better have somethin’ good for me.”
A tug on my shirt made me jump and dart my eyes towards Eve, who just raised her eye brow. Her brunette hair flowed within the ponytail behind her with the wind. She smirked, “Why stay?”
I smiled, “For Art, Evey.”
She rolled her eyes, walking away, “Just don’t get home too late again.”
I waved, shoving my hands in my pockets, “Alrighty then.” I watched her walk away, chuckling. She’s by far my favourite sister in the family, with her laid back attitude towards everything she does and everything else that shall be revealed later.
Anyway, the most important thing that happened to me on that day is now at this point. I walked inside and saw her, Hope crying her heart out on the steps towards Jesus Christ. At first, I thought it was just because of relationship troubles, that was everyone talked about these days. Well, my sister Joyce does anyway, the rest is history. Eve cries when her pet dies and Judy cries over something weird like not getting a good grade or something along the lines, you get the deal. However, there was something about the cries that seemed so familiar to me.
I stepped forward and stretched my hand out towards her, “Ummm,” I laugh sleeplessly, “You okay there?”
She blinked, her green eyes darted towards my brown ones and they held a cold stare, “No, Hope lost her daddy,” Hope buried her face into her knees, “Hope can’t find daddy.”
I raised an eye brow, “Find your dad? But aren’t you sixteen years old? You shouldn’t be cryin’ over bein’ lost. That somethin’ a five year old would do.”
“But Hope needs to find him…But Hope can’t because Hope isn’t as smart as you think.”
My eyes saddened, “Really? I reckon you might be,” I decided to sit next to her, placing my chin into my hands, “You really need to calm down, ya know.”
Her eyes glared at me, “Hope doesn’t even know you. Daddy said to Hope that it isn’t good to talk to strangers.”
I held my hands out in defence, “Alright, don’t get ya knickers in a bunch,” I rubbed my hand over my eyes, “Ugh, I need a suggestion.”
“On what?”
“Agh, anythin’ really.” I wasn’t too sure why I said that, but something about her glare that made my skin crawl. It was really hard, evil like an assassin threatening to kill me. I gulped, “You….Ya got anythin’ to me?”
Hope stood and strolled over to a window where Mary was looking at the scene, placing her hand apron the frame, “Joseph is going to get hurt badly today. First, on your way home, you get chased by a vicious doggie that has escaped from its home. Then, once home, Joseph will trip down the stairs and break Joseph’s arm. It’s going to be Joseph’s right arm and it’s gonna be turned to the right side too badly. Once it’s operated on, your sisters will keep telling you I told you so but Joseph doesn’t care because Joseph’s mommy will keep annoying you. When Joseph is home again, a small doll will be left on Joseph’s bed with a note.”
I laughed my head off, walking out of the church, “Right, I’m so gonna die right now.”
“Not die, just get injured badly.”
“Right,” I smirked and walked out so carelessly, “Good luck finding ya dad then, Hope.”
She pulled out her deck of cards, taking a seat next to the window, “Thank you, Joseph. Hope wishes you luck too.”
I walked out of the church and decided to run home, since it was nearly two in the afternoon. The summer breeze blew against my cheeks and the sun kissed my arms, making them more tanned. I turned a corner and approached the fence where I always pass and then BAM! A dog was behind me, the scavenging eyes were fixated on my soul alone and white froth foamed in his mouth and dripped to the floor. I stared wide eyed, sinking in the conversation that Hope and I had just then. This is just a coincidence, I thought as my feet decided to move like lightening. It had to be though; Hope didn’t seem like the person that would tell the future right before me.
I reached my home, slipping on the somehow wet stair and fell on my arm. The edge slammed together with my right arm and a snapping noise echoed throughout my ears. My eyes widen with horror as I stared down at it, the right arm that pointed in the wrong direction that it was supposed to go. My eyes dart around frantically to search for that dog, only to find that he wasn’t around anymore. I cried for help and my mom slammed the door open and was shocked.
I don’t remember much after that, just the ambulance that boomed its sirens in my ears and jolted me into the van. After that everything was a blur. From the hospital ladies to the operation itself, I don’t remember that. All I remembered was two things, one was the fact that my sisters and mom did exactly what Hope said, and two was Hope’s words. They rang throughout my ears in the drive home and my eyes felt as if they could come out of my head at any given second, which was all too strange. The only thing now, my thoughts whispered, is that doll.
As we arrived home, I was immediately escorted to my room and placed on my bed like some porcelain doll or something. Mom and my sisters yelled at me to call if I needed anything for a few days, I sighed, “If only you knew…” I laid back into the pillow, only to find something below it. I glared at the ceiling and lifted my head and reached out with my stupid arm, snatching the object in my hand. Clutching it, I moved it in front of my face, only to scream my lungs out.
It was a doll. Not one of my sister’s collectables, but a handmade doll. With giant button eyes and short red hair that covered her side of her face. The dress reached her knees and the bow was huge on her head. However, her solemn line that was the mouth may had gave me the chills, but the thing that I hated the most was the object in her hand.
It was a rolled up piece of paper that was tiny, like A5 or something. My eyes widened and my fingers unrolled the piece of paper, only to reveal this:
tHIs Is fOR you, JOSEPH. pleASE TAKE CARE OF Annie; ShE CAN be REALLY hANDy WHEN THE time cALLS FOR IT. – HoPE.
“What!” I screamed, sitting up in my bed, “What!”
“Don’t you know,” a voice whispered from the closet. My eyes darted towards it, only to see Hope sitting inside, her head placed upon her knees and her eyes glued to the moon in the painted sky above. She smirked, “Your pain is just beginning.”
There was only one thing that I could do in a situation like this...
I screamed.
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I really love where this story is going! I also love how Hope can just predict the future. She is one of those mysterious characters that are completely unpredictable. I'm sort of thinking that Hope has split personalities because I noticed how she didn't repeat her name at the end. I didn't find many mistakes.The only thing that I noticed was how some sentences needed some commas, mostly the ones with the coordinating conjunction 'but' .This story was fluid and it didn't get choppy at any points. I really hope you continue this so others can feel the same way I did!
Thank you! ^^
Hi! Rosie here for a review.
First off, let me just say that this is a really good start.
Let's talk about grammar. I think that grammar is your biggest problem, and that if you work at it, your writing will be a lot cleaner.
I think that you've got a good idea here, but it doesn't seem like you've thought it all out. Or if you have, you're having trouble getting your message across. I feel like you're bouncing around a lot, and not staying consistent with your character's thoughts and emotions.
Some of your sentences seem a little off. Try reading aloud any sentences you think are a bit iffy. When you hear them, you're more likely to catch flow mistakes.
Good luck with your writing!
Love,
Rosie.
Thank you very much for this!
My grammar is bad, I know. I'm working on it. >_>
\(^O^)/ Thank you very much!
Hi Sprite,
This is the first chapter of your Novel, so this should be interesting and captivating. You have a good storyline, I feel. Your main problem is grammar. Also, it's a bit messy overall.
I felt there was like several places where you could zero stuff. For example:
There are loads of unnecessary words and sometimes they make it difficult for the reader to understand you are going for. like here,
This puzzled me too, because this girl,Hope, talks in third person for some reason yet she refers to Joesph in the third person twice in here. You have to look out for this stuff.
It is better if you avoid phrases like, "I forgot to tell you..."
They make your work look weak.
There's some basic grammar stuff that you messed up. e.g.
Watch out for this. You should revise what you have written. That way, it'll be cleaner and the reader will enjoy your work.
The story, though at first read good, turned out to be confusing. The narrator's excessive comments on Hope's creepiness looked weird, because Hope didn't look that weird to me at all.
Anyway, it is a very good start. Please keep writing.
Unconsoled
Thank you for this!
Yes, I know it was messy and stuff but I'm working on it.
Also, that's the way Hope speaks. She's always been speaking like that.
I'm also sorry if it was confusing, I wrote this around nine thirty the other night and didn't get it finished until eleven thirty.
Thanks though!