One, two, three, four
Knock on the door,
Peering outside
See who's arrived.
First glance at him,
He's awfully prim.
When you get to the hall
Then you suddenly fall,
On rising to your knees
you find it hard to breath:
You begin to remember
What you did back in September-
Something you'll always regret
And you have tried very hard to forget.
Her strife,
A knife,
Your fear,
A tear,
Your palm
On her arm,
Precious face
Held in place
A glint,
One hint.
Dead--
They're coming for you.
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139,486 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Hello Sunnyanddinostomp!
Overall, I found this to be a very good poem. I'm usually not a big poetry reader, but yours kept me intrigued.
The rhyme scheme worked very well for the poem, and really kept me in the flow of the story. The big reveal at the end also worked very well in the story's favor, and in going back and reading the poem again, I enjoyed the fact taht Iw as easily able to identlfy the little "secrets" so to say.
Once again, this was an overall very great poem, and I look forward to reading more of your works!
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it
Hello Sunnyanddinostomp, Wonder here. I really thought this poem was amazing and cool. The ending was very great and strong. I feel that the title was very well suited for this. Now I'll help you with your poem.
1st: One two three four
You need commas here: One, two, three, four,
2nd: I know people don't point this out much but do capitalize the first word of every stanza.
3rd: One hint.
Dead.
They're coming for you.
Maybe do this: One hint.
Dead--
They're coming for you.
That way there's a little bit more drama added there. Anyway, I hope this helped keep writing and NEVER get discouraged!
If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
-Thomas Edison
~\/\/onder
Thanks for the review- this was really helpful
You're welcome.