she unwittingly planted a seed.
her smile, the sunshine it needed to succeed.
Watered by her tears, consecuences of another.
The seed sprouted and vowed to be her only lover.
It was more than lust, he wanted her genuine trust.
In its heart she'd carve her name, in her soul she's do the same.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi SunnyD, Felistia here with a short review on your poem.
Firstly welcome to YWS, I hope you like it here.
I love the rhyming scheme you used and how you changed it to a different pattern further down the poem. I'm a bit of a sucker for those. It is a very cute poem over all, but it does have some problems.
If you are going to use periods the beginning of the sentences should have capitalized letters. The last line while cute has multiple problems. Firstly it is to long compared to the rest of the poem and secondly the part after the comma is a bit confusing. Last problem the first line is a bit short for the rest of the poem. In a poem you want to keep all your lines relatively the same length.
Over all a very nice poem to read and I enjoyed it. Thank you and well done. I hope to see more of your work in the future and hope you have a great day\night.
Hello, SunnyD
This is a lovely poem. It has a very nice theme and is very witty and cute.
I do see a few mistake, though so here we go.
1. "She", the first word in the poem should be capitalized.
2. There is a spelling error, consequences not consecuences.
3. The line, "In its heart she'd carve her name, in her soul she's do the same." doesn't sound right to me. It seems like it should say, "In its heart she'd carve her name, in its soul she'd do the same."
Or, "In its heart she'd carve her name, in her soul it'd do the same."
Overall, I love the poem and please continue to write. I would love to read more of your work.
~Makenna