I'm still shaking away the reality.
Reality that one day I'll look frantically for you,
Searching wretchedly, yearning to persevere.
I'm still wiping the tears.
Tears that tear me apart with each briny, saline sting,
Knowing that eyes will bleed from the scarring wound.
I'm still swallowing the truth.
Truth that some day I'll be the faltering haze watching you go,
And remembering you will shatter me like glass.
I'm still savoring the memories.
Memories that singe the heart's bemoaning melody
Because it hasn't come yet. It hasn’t come, yet.
And when it does, I'll know it.
For you were, and will always be, my best friend.
---------------------------------------------------------------
This is a poem I am working on editing and revising. One of my friends
may move away to a different country and I want to give her words that
will remind her that no matter how far away we are, she's still my best
friend.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Oh my.
I agree, your friend is going, or did, cry his/her eyes out.
You are extremely good at writing poetry! With fantastic words.
I can relate to every word if my best friend moved away, and that is what makes it such an amazing poem.
Kudos AGAIN!
~Mateeah
This is awesome. *I* for one, enjoyed and was impressed by your high vocabulary.
Loved the bits of repetition, and the ending was really touching. Your metaphors and descriptions are brilliant. You’ve really captured the love you have for this person, and I can see myself feeling the exact same way about one of my friends if she were to move.
Good job. If it touched me, I’m sure she’ll really appreciate it.
A lot of the word you choose in this are too advanced for the format and seem only to be there as if to say. "I know big words! Hah." Really it looks like you swallowed a theasuras and had to use these words. If you used less I'd noticed less. Plus this is typical navelgazing you don't the get the readers intrest as it all YOU. You give us no reason to care and really this poem shouldn't of been posted on the forum, be better on a blog as it's so personal and you don't even let us into your emotions.
More so, your choice of big or better words just slows this down. Heck, you could use a few but not so many.
Lastly the poem just drags on with all those words. Rather than prop it up they clumsily fall in a mess.
Overall: If you're gonna post navelgazing poetry except harshness. Use them in moderation the big words. Then you can have a good poem that doesn't drag down. One last thing, you try and get the readers to relate don't tell us. Show us. Hope this helps.
Good luck
VSN
*sniffle* Oh man!
That was so sweet! You're friend will have to keep this in thier pocket wherever they go... I know I would!
Nice description words. Beautiful poem.
I loved this! I think your friend is going to absolutely bawl when they read this.
Great job.
Oh, my goodness! This was very heart-wrenching! I loved your choice of words--they seem to make the emotion flow through your poem, which I don't see a lot on here. Also, I'm surprised you can write this kind of poetry well, because you're not an emo. Thanks for reviewing my story!
Touching. I loved this. You seem like a good friend.
Awwww.
I loved it. I'm sure your friend will love this. And she/he would cry.
It's magical.
Great job, great poem.
Keep writing!
Peace man,
Casey the AWESOME