Young Writers Society

Hi, Sumerj12! I believe you've seen me around here before, on your poem called 'Bruises," so I decided to come back for another review.


In this garden I am a single rose.

For hours you sit and stare at me,

observing my beauty,

yet always afraid to hold.

- ^There needs to be a comma after garden in the first line.


In this garden I am a single rose

and every rose has her thorns.

So could you risk it,

just for one simple touch?

- ^Again, comma after garden in the first line.


In this garden I am a single rose

that has been plucked from my home

by the hands of my watcher.

I welcome his embrace.

- ^Do I have to say it?


In his hold I am a single rose,

not even my thorns could make him hesitate.

Seeing what many have seen before

but doing what no other man has.

- ^Comma after hold in first line

In his arms I am a single inamorata.

^There needs to be a comma after arms.


Overall, the poem was nice. There were some punctuation errors here and there but they could easily be fixed. I liked the theme behind the poem, it was nice. I really don't have much else to say about this one, but stellar job!

~gxldencrxwns

Hey Sumer!

I think this is a beautiful poem, it has actually made me appreciate the beauty of the rose, even though I am not really a flower fan.

Your piece was very well structured and steady, and made me feel an aura of piece in general when I read it.

The first stanza has really nothing I would change about it, it is calm and tranquil, like the rest of the poem. Actually, reading it out loud, a sharper ending may have been better, just by a hair, by removing the, "always."

The second stanza I think is my favourite of the bunch, absolutely perfect. The risk of the touch is a beautiful metaphor, and brings me back to when I was very young at the museum. Can never touch the exhibit.

For the third stanza, I would maybe put a command after single Rose, and actually, the same for the second stanza too. It just really makes the flow nicer in the third stanza with the comma.

The last stanza is perfect too. No change there.

An amazing piece, thank you for giving me the pleasure of reading it.

This is a beautiful poem. The repetition of the first line provides continuity throughout the stanzas and keeps the reader focused on the concept of a single rose, a rose which in the end finds herself loved despite the thorns she bears. This is a wonderful representation of what an honest love looks like; finding someone who is capable of loving you and accepting you in a way that most others have not.

I especially love the last two lines, "seeing what many have seen before / but doing what no other man has". Absolutely beautiful. This is not the first man to have been in your garden, not the first man who has admired your beauty, but he is the first to disregard the fear that many have of love and relationships and willing takes you as you are.