Young Writers Society

Okay well I just noticed this, so I'm going to review!...

Subliime wrote:The Dominion Code, a book that holds crucial knowledge about the world and how to obtain unlimited power. #0000FF ">I love this part, it seems very legendary, if you know what I ever mean Not a mortal soul knows how to obtain such a book and some say if you read it, your brain will explode from such a large significant amount of information. #0000FF ">If they don't know how to get it, how can they know their head would explode by reading it? But that is just a myth and to the military the Dominion Code was a must have and for many years researchers conducted horrific experiments between animals and the human soul. #0000FF ">This is a major info dump, I suggest you change it It is said that a certain paranormal magic #0000FF ">this sounds weird was discovered in the year 2999 that allowed the transfer of human souls and a list of many other abilities. This allowed the old to be young once more, for their soul could be transferred into a young, healthy body of their choice. If they could afford it that is. However, the only flaw was that they had to use a living human to create this transfer, and the result angered many.

Subliime wrote:Year 001X, a rebellion broke out between the citizens and the military of the country of what we know as the United States. The military easily disposed of the protestors and continued their research further. By the year 005X they had successfully completed an array of hybrid animals each with a human soul implanted into them. They could talk, speak, interact and feel emotion but at that time they were not humanly stable and turned against their creators. The current lab where they were contained was destroyed and they fled as insane criminals that devoured any citizen that resided in the area. The ruby colored stones that bound to their chests held the human soul in place, and if it were to be destroyed they would perish into a pile of ashes. #0000FF ">this is like totally out of the blue. Maybe just say that the only way to kill them is to destroy their ruby, that way it links better with what you're saying

Subliime wrote:The human population is currently unknown and the only real mortals left are the experiments that ran loose but as the two years had passed since they ran freely they have become sane and have regained their memories. #0000FF ">Another info dump. I'd suggest you make one sentence ending with loose and then start another with the but.[/img] They are now humans trapped inside a beast#0000FF ">'s body and as scared as they are, many of them are either rotting in shame and sorrow or determined to get their original bodies back. And this is where Alucard's story begins

Thanks!
Yeah, I might replace this first chapter actually since this is alittle bit short and yes, it is kindof one big info dump haha. But without explanation I don't think people would get what was going on, or atleast not very clearly since I have so much information to let out about the story that would make it understandable. So I had to put most of it somewhere.

Oh and the numbers. I had posted this story on another site too and it showed up with numbers after each paragraph, I must have forgotten to delete them. x.x

But I'm glad you enjoyed it! And thanks for the comment, I appreciate it!

whoa! cool. i'm not a fan of info dumps but this was really interesting and is necessary to set the scene. i noticed something strange. at the end of each paragraph there is a number

However, the only flaw was that they had to use a living human to create this transfer, and the result angered many. #FF0000 ">4

The ruby colored stones that bound to their chests held the human soul in place, and if it were to be destroyed they would perish into a pile of ashes. #FF0000 ">5

The decayed bodies of the unfortunate bystanders around the world are now gone and the buildings have rotted into ruins. #FF0000 ">6