Published August 16, 2011
The walls are of flesh-
The bars are of bone.
Iron is the crown-
Shackled is the throne.
The king cries aloud,
Thunder in the halls.
He is answered by none
But the echoes of the walls.
The palace is of stone,
The cage is of gold.
The king sits, silent-
The crown is so cold.
The grim walls are thick,
The tower is so high,
A finger of Marble-
Scratching the sky.
The king looks below,
watching his kingdom.
His crown is so heavy,
He thinks about freedom.
He sighs and turn away,
Freedom left behind.
He could never break-
The shackles of his mind.
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139,043 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
This is really good and it actually rhymed which was nice. It was pretty obvious but I think it is reasonable that a king should long for freedom. All kings are miserable any way, so that makes sense. Nice job with the rhyme scheme!
Wow. This is really good! I've always wanted to be able to write like that; I still have a lot of practicing to do, and even then I doubt I'll be able to write anything near as good. You are a talented writer, and use great imagery (as a lot of people have already said). Keep writing; I want to read more!
You have rhythm (most of the time) and a careful control of syllables and rhyme is being attempted every other line (which is questionable: gimmicky); that said, the poem reads too clearly and plainly.
What sort of drama really drives people crazy? Makes them question their life? Makes them question their outlook and direction in their career and mindset? Also, what character and voice will a reader really identify with on a personal level?
King --> Feels caged --> Use Kingly imagery --> Make cage setting --> Woe is King --> King is "shackled"
But how? With words like freedom and shackled? What stops the king from tossing the crown right off? The best stanza you have is the fourth, but the purpose of this tower, of the scratching "of the sky", what's the logic here? IS the castle an embodiment of the king? FUNDAMENTALLY it cannot be here because the King is caged by his position, you're relying on the King feeling alienated and forced inside of something hostile, artificial; I would advise making it obvious that the king is THE castle or the castle is most definitely NOT the king.
Your ability to make me feel truly gripped and impacted lies not in sculpting some miserable monarch's oh-so awful pampered life in a big, nice, secure castle; no, it lies in his being born in a hierarchical system based on "divine decrees" and age old traditionalism to which he has become tired of, disenchanted with, but to fulfill the duties of his position, cannot break them; why? Because he would shake the foundations of the society itself and/or "insult" his god.
You have bare-bones now, pack some meat onto the poor thing.
Hey Blue!
I really liked this poem! It grabbed my attention very quickly, and you did a very good job with metaphors. The flow of the words was great, it kept a nice beat. I only found one mistake. Near the end, when you say he "turn" away, it should be "turns" away.
Good job!
Okay, wow, just wow. I typically read through peoples works, mostly poems and such, and think of a powerful word to describe their piece. This poem particularly backed my mind up full of words, seriously the little people are all freaking out do to overload. Anyway, this is truly amazing.
I love the entire stanza but especially the last two lines, it brought chills to my spine.I don't know if someone already commented on this but I believe it should be, He sighs and turns away" thats just me.
And on a final note, the last line, brilliant, pure brilliance, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Keep writing,
SnowBerry
Good poem. It seemed a bit simple, but yet it had a deep meaning; if you get my drift. Also, your capitalization was abysmal. Every first letter in each line was capitalized, NO-NO. Follow the punctuation, if there is a comma at the end of the last line don't capitalize the first letter. If there is a period, feel free to do so. But otherwise, it was a good poem. I would give it 8 out of 10 stars. Keep Writing!
I loved this poem! The imagery was as powerful as one could hope and the story of the shackled kind was moving. I could almost see the cage of bones, the shackled throne, the kind weighted down and alone, needless to say I enjoyed reading this. I really don't have any criticism to speak of, only applause for this truly inspired piece of writing
Hello! To get started, I just want to put a general statement out there by saying this is fantastic! I enjoyed reading it, and I even started to think of images that corresponded with what was being said. You started off strong, and came out with a strong finish. Quite honestly, I can't find any mistakes in here either! Keep writing, this poem was great!
Astounding imagery, I can really picture the scene. What I read out of this is a King who feels that he is trapped by his responsibility to his people. I see no problem with this poem, none at all. I really enjoyed reading it as it really created a story. I wouldn't question it being in Narrative Poetry as I feel it does tell a bit of a story; unfinished story: maybe, but still a good story.
Very interesting. Seems to be about the norms of power... how nobody has ever really succeeded in breaking them; to be something bigger. Like he wants to be a better king, but to be king, he has to be controlling and powerful. At least, that's what I got from it.
This was the best poem I've ever read. Sorry I couldn't say more, but I have zero critique. I repeat: best poem ever.
wow this was fantastic! i really loved the feeling of the cage, shackles of his mind. good rhyme scheme, good imagery! it was kind of redundant, but it was very well written! i liked how you described the walls as flesh and bone, i could really picture that! i liked how you described the throne and the crown...i just liked the poem haha! good job and keep up the great writiing!!!!
Hm, I wish I had a good review. But I don't. I noticed absolutely no mistakes (except the one pointed out by priceless.) It was a beautiful poem, so simple and yet wonderful. Like Shiney1 said, I could see it all as I was reading. The first stanza was amazing. Oh, I just reread it, why is watching not capitalized?
Well, that's all I have to say. Great poem, I loved it! 
Hey
I don't know how to review poetry. At all.
Otherwise it was amazing! I loved it!! As someone already mentioned, the imagery was awesome. It was just perfect to me, no criticism at all.
This poem is simply amazing, i personally think it is perfect so no criticism here
This poem. is.epic!! First off, you have amazing imagery, and the rhyming pattern really compliments the poem!! I couldn't find any mistakes, but that's because I'm not really a nitpicker. Anyway good job!!!
very nice poem.. it could mean so many things to so many people.. as for me. i see it as if each of us could be the king in the poem the difference lies on what freedom we've been yearning for...
Hey, shiney1 here
I love this poem. I love it. The imagery is astounding, and I could paint a picture in my head of all that went on. The poem flowed well, and I did not feel that the rhymes were stressed at all.
This is unique, for I have never read a poem like this one.
You have talent. This is nice.
Keep writing!