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Young Writers Society


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Glowpeak Academy- Chapter Eleven

by SubSubLibrarian


"What is Flesheater History, exactly?" asked Charles. "I mean, I took the test, but I was honestly both confused and fascinated the entire time.”

“It's kind of like U.S. History, only the version with zombies," said Charles's newest acquaintance and fellow Team Brown member, Adam Garrett.

"Please don't tell me this is like one of those cheesy movies where the main character finds out that everything in history was actually caused by some supernatural species of monster that most of the human race isn't even aware of."

Cory laughed. "That would be about 50 percent accurate. Flesheater History doesn't actually start until the mid- 1800s and since then very few well known events were actually caused by zombies and they often weren't involved at all. The Flesheater community has pretty much kept to itself, and that's truly why so few people know they exist."

They were on their way to breakfast and Charles was examining his brand new schedule. He hadn't had a lot of time to check it out before then because his team had sort of forgotten he existed. They had settled into their daily routine and it wasn't until 7:30 that someone had finally noticed his presence and awakened him. He'd had just enough time to shower, change into a Team Brown uniform, and learn about half of the school rules before leaving at 7:55 for their eight o'clock meal. His schedule showed that he had classes starting at 8:30 am with Flesheater History with a Mr. Pash and all the way until 3:30. After history he had English, followed by a thirty minute lunch, world geography, and last but not least physical training. He attended these classes on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays he had Spanish, Pre-Algebra, biology, and keyboarding in that order. On Fridays he had a martial arts class, a strategy class, study hall and physical training again. He was excited to be starting his classes, but he was afraid he'd be too behind the others to be able to catch up.

"Don't worry," said Adam, patting Charles on the back. "Cory only knows all this because he's a fourth gen. and those stories have been in his family since forever. And he's pretty much obsessed with history."

"Pretty much," Cory agreed.

Charles sat at the Team Brown table for the first time ever. The fellowship he saw among the members excited him. He had been speaking truthfully the night before when he had told Eric that he was glad to be on Team Brown. He doubted that he could have found better teammates and better friends on any other team. On Brown they had to stick together because no one else would dare get near them. Adversity had bound them to one another. In addition to his curiosity about Flesheater History, Charles also wondered what his strategy class entailed. It seemed like it would be a difficult class to teach because he'd always thought that strategy was a talent. Some people had it and some seriously lacked it.

"Looks like trouble's headed our way," said Adam, nodding towards the teachers' table.

Trouble was Miss Perry, who had made a beeline straight for Charles and his friends. She stopped right behind Cory. His first reaction was to stare down at his plate, clearly hoping that she'd resume her walk soon.

"Good morning, Mr. Brooks," she said with an air of sharpness. "I see you've found your place at this school."

Charles glanced around the table at all of his new friends. "Yes, I suppose I have."

"I was considering you for my team, Team Maroon, but one of my students kindly warned against it, and just in time."

Charles wasn't sure whether she was trying to compliment or insult him. The latter seemed more likely, but he kept an open mind. He simply waited for her to continue. She had probably come over for some reason and he doubted that it was just to tell him that he deserved to be on Team Brown.

"I've spoken to Headmaster Perkins and he agrees that your actions are inexcusable and well worth a week of detention." It took some time for Charles to process her words, but when he did he was even more confused.

"Detention?" he said. "For what?"

He glanced at Cory, who looked just as shocked as he felt. Cory had been with him since the fight on Sunday morning and he hadn't seen Charles do anything worthy of detention, let alone a week of it. If he had he would have told him. Maybe his insults to Eric would have cost him a day, at least without the context, but surely Eric would have had to tell the whole story and he wouldn't have shown his true colors to the headmaster or to a teacher. If he had told the whole story, Charles's words would have definitely been excused.

Miss Perry glared at Charles and folded her arms. "You've incapacitated one of my boys and now you're indignant about the consequences? I think you deserve more than a single week of detention, but Headmaster Perkins is too soft to give you the discipline you really need. You will be here at seven o'clock every evening for detention, no excuses. I will check personally to make sure you're doing your time."

Miss Perry trotted back to the teachers' table with her nose sticking high into the air and Charles stared at his breakfast without quite seeing it. He didn't think that the word "incapacitated" was a very accurate description of Eric's condition. It was more of a self control issue. It didn't really make sense as a description for someone who had gotten their feelings hurt either. If so, Cory had been incapacitated all month, but Eric had never been in detention. He hadn't even been to a single class yet and he already had a week of it. Miss Perry's message had been enough to defeat his appetite. Cory seemed to feel the same way.

"Do you want to go?" he asked Charles.

Charles nodded mechanically and they both stood up, emptied their plates in the nearest trash can and left the cafeteria. They reached the history classroom within a couple minutes of plodding down the hallway and took seats in the middle of the room. No one else was there, not even their teacher.

"So, what are we doing today?" Charles asked.

Cory thought for a minute before replying. "We've been going over Ewan Butler lately. I don't suppose you know who that is?"

"Not a clue. All I know is that he was mentioned several times on the general exam."

"Right," said Cory. "We started the year by discussing events that led up to the existence of zombies and necessary information to understand the time period. It was mostly time period related facts and theory about how zombies came to be, since we still don't know exactly how they got here or exactly what they are. Now we're going over the histories of people and families involved in the first Great Flesheater War, including Ewan Butler, the Corbans, the Codmores, and the Hunters. We started with Ewan Butler, the great war hero and spontaneous leader the Flesheater slaying community. He's an interesting guy. His lineage has completely died out as a result of conflicts with flesheaters, as have the Codmores. We actually have a test on him on Wednesday. I think we're studying for it today. I guess you're just in time."

"It seems like I'm a little late, actually," said Charles.

"We can't change the past, we can only prepare for the future, however late we may be."

"I might quote you on that sometime."

Cory grimaced. "Please don't. I'm only smart in front of my friends."

"Whatever, Cory," said Charles, rolling his eyes.

Voices echoed in the hallway outside of the classroom and they turned toward the door to see who the voices belonged to. Three girls walked in, waving to Cory and smiling at them both. Their entrance was followed by the ringing of a bell, which signaled the end of breakfast and the beginning of the first classes. Students had a further five minutes to get to class before the final bell rang. Cory introduced Charles to the girls as they waited for the others to arrive. All three were on Team Brown F and Charles had seen them the night before at the Team Announcement ceremony. They each had different colored hair. The girl with long black hair and dark skin was Amanda Locklear, the girl with ginger hair and bright blue eyes was Jean Thomas, and the blonde haired girl with a happy face was Mary Davis. In the next two minutes, Charles learned that Amanda was Cherokee and very independent, Mary was really nice, and Jean was talkative and slightly rude at times because she always said exactly what she thought.

When the final bell rang Charles looked around at all the faces in the room and noticed that half of them were on Team Brown. The other ten wore uniforms that proudly displayed them as Team Black members. But there was someone missing, though it took Charles several seconds to realize who it was. He leaned over to Mary, who was happily sitting in the desk next to his.

"Mary," he said. "Where's Lennon?"

Mary's face fell. "She'll be in English. She wasn't feeling very well."

An old man with long gray hair entered the room. "Good morning, children," he said loudly. "Today we will be studying for our test on Wednesday, which I'm sure you will all remember to study for outside of class as well. Can somebody tell me who Ewan Butler is?"

"He's a war hero and the founder of Glowpeak Academy and one of the founders of the Flesheater Defense League. To the rest of the world he's an Irish immigrant who disappeared in Vermont," said a kid from Team Black.

"That's correct. And what brought him from Ireland to Vermont?"

"A boat?" Jean answered.

"Well, yes, but why?" the man asked. "Perhaps Mr. Wallace can answer my question."

Ross shrugged. "The potato famine. And the industrial revolution."

"I was looking for 'the American Dream,' but that's good too. Ewan Butler was inspired by the American Dream because his family had nothing. When the potato famine struck his homeland, he did what he believed was best for his family. He came to the United States as a twelve year-old boy in 1855, all by himself, to find work any way he could. He travelled around the east coast for a few years, doing odd jobs in different cities to support himself. Sometimes he made enough money to send back to his family in Ireland. At the age of twenty he hopped onto a railroad job, but his mother, who had just moved the rest of the family to the US in 1966, was taken ill and he had to return to New York to care for her. She died two years later and he was contracted by a mining company soon after and sent out to mines in Vermont.

"The company moved him around quite a bit, finally coming to Smoky Village, which got its name from the fog that tended to creep up in the Autumn and Spring seasons. Smoky Village became a mining village after the company found a streak of copper nearby. After about a year, the flesheaters popped up around the village and Ewan, now 28 years old, faced one of the greatest hordes known in all of Flesheater history. Recruiting a few other miners, including Codmore and Hunter, they beat the flesheaters back and were able to barricade most of the villagers into Corban Manor. Phillip Corban contributed himself, his oldest son, and his collection of medieval weaponry to the fight and they managed to break the siege within a week. Why am I telling you all of this?"

"Because you know we're not gonna study?" asked a Team Brown kid named Parker Campbell.

A girl from Team Black glared at him. "Speak for yourself, Campbell."

"I don't care if you study or not, Mr. Campbell. You will get the grade that you deserve. No, I'm doing this because we have a new student who will also be expected to take the test on Wednesday, on a subject of which he has no knowledge. This may come as a shock to all of you, but I'm actually trying to be fair. I'm sure that's a word some of you doubted was in my vocabulary, but here is evidence to the contrary. Because I am a fair man I am going to do something that will probably never be known again in the rest of your time as my students. I am giving you this class period to study for the test, in which I am sure Mr. Campbell will study and Mr. Sedgwick will summarize all of my lectures to our new student. You're welcome; now get to work."

By the end of class Charles's brain was so full of information, he could barely call any of it. His second class moved much faster. Mr. Simmons assigned a short story that had to include a specific set of previously decided vocabulary words. Lennon showed up about halfway into the period. She looked exhausted with dark bags under her eyes. Her eyes were opened wide enough for Charles to see their light golden brown color as she walked by. Check looked like she'd either seen a ghost or become one. They were sharing a class with Team Green and she slumped into an empty seat between him and a boy from that team.

"Are you alright?' Charles asked, breaking Mr. Simmons' imposed silence with a whisper.

Lennon shrugged and stared at the wall for a few minutes. "What are we doing?" she finally said.

"Short story. We have to include the words aroma, rescind, patronize... well, why don't you just take a look at my list. There are too many words."

Lennon took the list and copied down all the words. Charles stared at her, wondering what had happened. She looked like she hadn't gotten much sleep and she clearly wasn't feeling well, but he didn't think she was sick. She had been fine one day earlier. She looked up as she passed the word list back to him and they made eye contact. For a minute they just looked at each other, but Charles suddenly remembered his story and looked away.

The rest of the class passed by quickly and quietly. Charles began to get into his story, which was about a farmer who trying to prevent a marriage between a city man and his daughter. The lunch bell rang just as he was polishing off the ending. Mr. Simmons threw in a homework assignment on their way out of class. They were to find a book in the library to write a report on by Wednesday and then their report would be explained.

Lunch was a simple meal of macaroni and cheese, a meal which Charles hadn't eaten for a surprisingly long time. Lennon didn't say a word and Charles didn't ask. He didn't really know how to. No one talked at all. Soon lunch was over and they were all headed for their World Geography classroom.

The class was studying demographics, which explained why certain areas had certain populations. Charles was introduced to the teacher, Mrs. Rodgers. She was an impatient woman in her fifties, with silver hair and a deep squint. Ross said she had the squint because she refused to wear glasses, claiming they would make her ugly. Charles thought it was ridiculous to believe that; teachers were often much smarter than their students assumed. Mrs. Rodgers definitely seemed like a smart woman, as she completely ignored Ross and Parker. Charles guessed that it was this that made Ross dislike her.

They had World Geography with Team Navy, so Charles was able to talk to Louis a little before class started. Louis had been having a great day. He'd already been to physical training with Team Black second hour and it had become his favorite class. He wouldn't tell Charles what they did in physical training, but he did say that they would have fun. Charles's expectations for physical training plummeted, however, when Cory told him that Eric would be there, along with the rest of Team Maroon. Instead he felt tense. He hadn't seen Eric since the previous night when he'd ambushed them and tried to get Charles to fight him. Charles knew that Eric must have been the reason he would be in detention for the week and he wasn't looking forward to the gloating.

It was a long walk from the World Geography classroom to the gymnasium. It gave Charles too much time to think of everything that could go wrong during physical training. A conflict seemed inevitable, but he hoped his punishment would be enough to keep Eric amused and at bay. Cory looked surprisingly calm for someone who had seemed so scared whenever Eric was around. Charles caught his eye and raised his eyebrows. Cory smiled and shook his head.

"I'm fine. He's after you, not me. I'm sorry about that, but I have to admit, it's a refreshing change and one that I could get used to. Good luck, Charles."

"I'll need it, won't I?" he asked, sighing.

Team Maroon was waiting for them as they entered the gymnasium. One of the members was actually waiting outside the building. Charles thought he was some sort of lookout and he once again marvelled at how ridiculous the entire situation was. Why did they need lookouts? They knew Team Brown was coming already and they wouldn't have to wait more than five minutes for them to show up if they wanted to attack them. 'Attacked' seemed too serious of a word to use to refer to whatever it was Eric thought he was doing. Definitely just ridiculous.

The boy wasn't a lookout. Charles discovered this when the boy came forward to greet Ross and shook his hand. He was confused at first because this interaction between any of the teams, but particularly between Teams Brown and Maroon, was so foriegn. How did this guy survive if he was really on Team Maroon and really a friend of Team Brown. He doubted that Eric and his friends were any more fond of Ross than they were of Cory. Anything was possible, he reflected. Lennon had thought she was their friend, but she'd ended up on Team Brown anyways. Charles was still wondering who exactly the boy was when he and Ross approached him.

"Charles," said Ross. "There's someone I'd like you to meet. He's on Team Maroon, as you can probably tell. This is my greatest friend, Samuel Johnson."

"Hey," said Charles, shaking the boy's outstretched hand. "I'm Charles. Obviously."

"I need your help, Charles," Ross continued. "I've been trying to convince Sammy for the past two minutes that you're not going to bite his head off. He's under the impression that you already hate him just because he's on Team Maroon. Would you like to clarify your position for him?"

"Umm... What?"

Ross grinned and began to lead Sammy in the direction of the gym door. "See, what did I tell you? Perfect response, by the way, Charles."

Charles furrowed his eyebrows and glanced questioningly at Cory. Cory looked confused, but he didn't look surprised.

"It's okay. Ross and Sammy are usually doing something that no one else understands. I think it's just their personalities."

"You didn't tell me Ross had a friend on Maroon," Charles said.

"We're not really sure what happened. If anyone was placed incorrectly, it was Sammy. Everyone, including Sammy, thought it was just a mistake, or possibly some kind of joke. We all thought Sammy was on Team Brown for sure, like the rest of us. Except Lennon. In fact, Parker suggested that they'd accidently switched the names, because it seemed like Lennon should have been on Team Maroon and Sammy on Team Brown. But they didn't change it and all of the teachers acted like it was supposed to happen."

"I bet Miss Perry realized 'just in time,' that Lennon would be too hard to control."

Cory laughed derisively. "And Sammy would be so much easier. I think I'll keep an open mind. Now, let's go get this over with."


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Sat Jun 01, 2019 6:45 pm
Panikos wrote a review...



Hi, SubSubLibrarian! Panikos dropping in for a quick review. I'm not very familiar with the rest of the story, but I'm still going to try and make this critique as helpful as possible.

So, my first impressions from this are generally good. I think you write clearly and effectively, never straying too much into long descriptions. Your dialogue is pretty good as well - I loved that bit where Cory says 'Please don't. I'm only smart in front of my friends'. It made me laugh, as well as giving me a good sense of his personality.

There did seem an awful lot of characters to keep track of, though. Part of my confusion is probably due to my coming into the story so late, but I also think you need to differentiate your characters' voices a little more. None of your dialogue is unrealistic, but everyone seems to talk in a roughly similar way. You also introduce a lot of (presumably) new characters - I'm not really sure why we needed to meet those three girls, given that only Mary spoke in this chapter. Her role was pretty minor, as well; someone else could've easily delivered her dialogue. It just felt like unnecessary padding.

That kinda brings me to my main critique, which is that I'm not sure what this chapter achieves, narrative-wise. We get some interesting titbits of information about the history of the academy and Ewan Butler, as well as the promise of conflict when Charles has to go to detention, and Lennon's strange behaviour. But all of these elements feel a bit scattered and disconnected, so I struggled to pick up an overall thread. The chapter felt like it ended before anything of real substance had happened. I don't think the solution is to lengthen it, because your pacing is a bit on the slow side as it is, but I think you need to focus more clearly on how you move the story forward. Cut out some of the superfluous character introductions and lessons. Stripping it back will make the purpose of the chapter clearer.

I do really like the tone of this story, though. It doesn't seem to take itself too seriously, and it's refreshing to read a story about zombies that isn't completely dark, gritty and post-apocalyptic. While supernatural-esque academies certainly aren't a new trope, you manage to handle it in a way that's still very fun to read. I think you just need to make sure the story doesn't feel too aimless, which is always a dangerous in school-based stories. You can get wrapped up in the cycle of lessons and routine and lose sight of the overall plot.

That's all for this review! If you've any questions about what I said, please ask!

Keep writing! :D
~Pan






Thanks for the review! You're right. The chapter is pretty scattered and it is partially because I'm still trying to iron out the overall plot. I think the point of this chapter was to kind of get into the flow of the academy. Charles just got there, so he doesn't know many people yet. The introductions are just so he can get to know the people on his team, but like you said, they might not be necessary. There are nine other people on the team, so... Yeah I don't know. They're filler characters, but they do need to be there.



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Wed May 08, 2019 6:24 am
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Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review! Let's start on getting this piece out of the Green Room at long last, shall we?

So, the first thing I'm going to do is point out that the first paragraph is actually very difficult to read. In addition to some missing spaces between sentences (easy mistake to make but does make it more confusing for the readers), there is a huge block of text that makes it difficult to follow which characters are saying what lines. Having a new character speak is typically the indication that you should jump down a line. It's a different style from some other types of writing, but it makes it easier to read stories, particularly on a platform such as YWS.

I also think that there could be a smoother opening and closing to the paragraph. A brief summary of what's happened before is helpful to the readers, as it lets them catch up without having to re-read every part of the story (which is time consuming for long stories with multiple chapters). I also don't think the opening lines are particularly engaging. They didn't catch my fancy and make me want to keep reading. Typically, picking up on some kind of previously established conflict is a good way to begin a chapter, as it engages the reader from the beginning by creating suspense (particularly if the reader is reminded of what the conflict is). I didn't get the feeling that there was a real moment opening the chapter. Likewise, the end seemed to simply trail off casually. I think there could be more suspense or at least more drive building up to some event that would help entice readers to come back for more. There is indication of a future event, but it's a fairly casual indication, a basic, "let's go," that just doesn't do much. Some kind of added emotion to that section would help.

Overall, I think it's a great piece! Keep it up!

Happy Writing!

Toboldlygo






Thanks for the review. I will fix that paragraph as soon as possible. It was just a copying error.




A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases...
— John Keats