Crash! Alex shot up out of bed frightened by the loud noise. He starred at his window seeing it was growing a bright green. He crawled out of bed slowly making his way toward his window. He reached out and separated the blinds so he could peek outside. Blinded for a moment his eyes adjusted to the light and he could a giant creator in the ground. Alex was completely scared from what he just saw.
Since he was home alone and lived a hundred miles away from the nearest neighbor. He was the only one who seen or probably heard the crash. He backed away from the window .He crept to his door and quietly opened afraid that something anything would hear him. he tiptoed to the backdoor and slowly slid open the screen door. Alex crept over to see what was in the giant hole, as he grew near he peeked over the side. All he saw was this glowing green glob. Alex stared in horror seeing the goo rising to the top of the hole.
The giant glob sat for a brief moment till it started to form. In a second it took shape and gained color. It looked just like Alex with short black hair and same dark brown eyes.. Alex dropped the bat as it reached out and grabbed him by the throat. It started suck Alex in as if he was paralyzed. It swallowed Alex whole and began to eat everything it could reach.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there
Looks like you haven't had any reviews done yet, so get reviewing
So this is an interesting story and concept, but I found there is more wrong than write about the way you presented it. First of all, there are some words missing and spelling errors. I would suggest that you read over this piece again. Another thing is that this is too broad of a topic to be written in just three paragraphs. I'm not saying that it can't be done, but the way you wrote things did not capture everything enough to leave the reader satisfied with the story. Right now it looks sort of like a rough draft of a bigger story you want to work on. There is very little emotion and connection with the MC and his feelings. It's just a crash, and then Alex gets eaten by the blob. So please, maybe look into expanding it.
Your writing style however is pretty good. You may have missed out on a lot of things for such a short story, but I can see your talent as a writer.
I hope I could help.
Keep writing and goodluck!
Hey Styxs,
I have to say, I'm intrigued by this blob. Do you have plans for a longer story based on this? I think you could definitely build on it - where is the blob from, what is it doing here, why does it look like Alex? What kind of wants and needs are there in its blobby mind - if it has one?
The one thing I'd like to say in terms of improving this is the old writer's mantra: show don't tell. You've told us the things that are happening, and they are interesting things, but they could be made more interesting if you told them to us a bit more subtly, by describing what's happening. The most prominent example in this piece is probably:
When you're writing from the point of view of a narrator who knows everything, it's very tempting to just say important information directly. But perhaps it would be more exciting for the reader if, instead, you let them work it out from what Alex is doing: maybe he runs for the door, only to remember that everyone else is out of the house. Maybe he shouts for his family, but the lack of reply tells him that they aren't there. Little things like this, told through description of action rather than in information-dump style, can really liven up a piece.
And as I said, it would be very interesting to find out where this mysterious blob is from!