It was a calm, clear night in Braidswood. A warm breeze blew through the trees as Luna and Ava left Manor House. The taxi had arrived right on time and Ava was, for once, ready to leave before her sister. It had been a surprisingly mild day in September and looked to be a similar night. Since rain had not been in the forecast, both girls wore their light anoraks and waved to their parents as they walked down the front steps towards the waiting car.
“You two have a good time and forget about earlier. I’ll have everything back to normal in no time’, their father called from the front door, “Don’t tell me about the film when you get back. We’re going to see it next Friday. We don’t want you spoiling the ending for us.”, the girls laughed and waved goodbye. Little did they know it was the last time they would see their parents…alive.
Only four hours later when they returned they found both their parents dead in the sitting room, blood everywhere. The bodies were almost unrecognisable after the savage knife attack but were most certainly Stanley and Diane Robertson. But what shocked their children most was that their estimated time of death was between six and seven, meaning the killer could have been in the house before the girls had left.
A few days later two detectives, Styx and Twyx, visited Ava and Luna at their hotel. They were the same height with the same style of haircut and both had green eyes but that’s where the similarities end. Detective Twyx was dressed in a tidy black suit with matching shoes and his chestnut brown hair combed neatly so he appeared very businesslike whereas Detective Styx had not tucked in his shirt or brushed his hair and was wearing trainers. The two seemed to be complete opposites: Twyx was obviously tidy and organised but Styx looked like he had just rolled out of bed.
Once everyone was ready the detectives started the interviews.
“We were getting funny phone calls. And when we didn’t answer the phone whoever it was left scary messages.”
“Yeah, and we got some creepy letters in the post. Dad said he would fix it.”, Luna added quickly , “Was it the same person that killed them?”, Styx could tell this was going to take a while.
An hour later the detectives had statements from both the victims’ children.
“We want to help solve this crime. I’ve always wanted to be a detective and solve mysteries”, said Ava, “I really am good at investigating.”
The girls would not take no for an answer and so they became part of the investigation team. Not officially, of course, but they followed Styx and Twyx wherever they went.
“The house has already been searched but CSI haven’t found any evidence.” Twyx explained, Styx turned to him.
“ I thought that’s what we were going to do with the police team tomorrow?”, Twyx looked at Styx with surprise.
“Yes, that was the plan but I wasn’t going to tell them that!” Twyx exclaimed pointing at the two girls sitting on the chairs opposite, “You never stop amazing me with your stupidity Styx. I really thought you had as well.”
It was a bright morning when they arrived outside the old mansion. Manor House stood at the top hill overlooking the small town below with a menacing look that the girls had not noticed before. It cast its long, dark shadow down the hillside, striking fear into all who passed beneath it. As the police team went to search for clues the two detectives headed to the scene of the crime.
“It’s a bit ironic that you found two dead people in the living room, don’t you think?” Styx said as he sat down on one of the armchairs.
“We’re going to do another sweep of the room for any evidence.” Twyx told the girls who were standing in the doorway, “Perhaps you should wait outside in the garden with Detective Styx.”
“I thought we were doing a ‘sweep for evidence’?” Styx said, jumping quickly out of his seat in protest.
“No. I’m going to help the police team sweep for evidence. You, however, are going to wait outside with Miss Robertson and… Miss Robertson. Hopefully you’ll grow a brain if you’re ‘at one with nature’.”
After an uneventful day searching Manor House, the two girls sat in their hotel room wondering how the murderer had entered the house. There was no sign of forced entry or a struggle. Their parents would not have let them in so easily, would they? Suddenly a knock on the door made them jump. It was the detectives.
“Detective Styx has had an idea.” Twyx explained after they had taken a seat, “I know it sounds worrying but there really is no need to panic.” Ava raised her eyebrows and Luna couldn’t help being worried. After all, she had had a very one-sided conversation with Styx earlier that day about how a dog is more likely to be a better driver than a horse, “Believe me it’s not as scary as it seems. Of course I felt like you when he told me but…”
“We didn’t check for secret passageways!” Styx exclaimed, to the girls relief it was not at all worrying.
“May wonders never seize?” Twyx sighed.
“Somehow this couldn’t wait until morning. Miss Robertson, both of you, you didn’t have to come on such a wild goose chase.” Twyx apologised as they walked up the path toward Manor House. Ava told the detective again that herself and her sister wanted to help with the investigation. The police team entered the old building first and went to search the upper floor and attic for any ‘secret entrances’. the house was in darkness. The electricity had been cut off and the only source of light was moon.
“I brought flashlights!” Styx giggled happily, “I’ve always wanted to do this! It’s scary isn’t it? I think I’ve changed my mind.”
The house seemed as though it had been empty for years. Cobwebs had appeared in the dark corners of almost every room and along the banisters of the staircase. Thick dust had formed on most surfaces, the floorboards creaked under their weight as they walked slowly through the hallway. A cold, damp smell hung in the air as Ava looked around what used to be a warm and happy place which was now a crime scene.
By midnight everyone was ready for bed. No hidden rooms or secret passageways had been discovered so it was agreed they should go home. On the way through the main hall the very disappointed Styx tripped and fell over a coat stand.
“Where did he go? He fell right here.” Twyx panicked as he searched. Suddenly a panel on the wall opened to reveal the fallen Styx.
“Ahh. Man down!” Styx squeaked, trying to stand, “I told you hidden passages were real and you didn’t believe me! I found it all by myself too.”
The four of them looked down the long tunnel that Styx had fell into. The blackness grew more intense as they headed down the sloping path while Styx skipped happily at the front of the group like an excited toddler, clearly pleased that his idea was not a failure.
Avas’ dark hair framed her face as she stopped to tie her shoelace. Styx looked round at her kneeling on the dirt ridden path, “Did you know your hair’s so black you look bald when there’s not much light?”
Twyx shook his head as he pushed past his fellow detective to help Ava to her feet.
“You really are ridiculous Styx. That growing a brain exercise evidently didn’t work out did it?” he grinned, “You look bald too!”
“How long is this thing?!” Styx complained from the end of the group as they started moving again, ignoring what Twyx had said, “I want to go home.” Twyx turned to see his partner in crime solving was trudging along way behind the two girls. He could tell the initial glee of his discovery had worn off.
Finally they came to the end of the tunnel. Styx rushed to the front again, intent on opening the door at the end of the track, “Finally! Freedom!”. Unfortunately, it opened into a small room. A young boy sat against the back wall with a hand puppet.
“You found us!”, cried the puppet, “I am the Master Puppet. This is my house. Leave NOW!”, the boy got up and left back down the tunnel toward the building at the other end leaving the Master Puppet behind on the chair. His clown painted face was strange and distorted, his beady eyes glowed red in the dim light and Twyx couldn’t help thinking that no child would want that as a toy. Luna hid behind her older sister. She tried to be brave and fearless like Ava but when she looked back over her shoulder and saw the puppets’ hateful, gleaming eyes. A shiver ran up her spine causing the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end as she resumed her position quivering behind Ava and the detectives.
“I thought he was talking to us?” Styx asked, “Sorry, Mister Puppet, have we to leave as well?” Twyx rolled his eyes and pushed him to the back of the troop again.
“Yes. I was talking to you. The boy is doing my work for me, saves me the energy for my evil plans.” the puppet replied. Twyx looked amazed that they were talking to a hand puppet, which really is quite amazing in itself, “This house has been mine for over eighty years when I got rid of the last family who tried to take it from me. I won’t let you have my house. You are, however, staying now. You never know, you may be discovered tomorrow since this is already a crime scene. I killed those to last week and I will be killing everyone here tonight as well. MY HOUSE!”. With an evil laugh from the evil puppet the four investigators ran back up the tunnel. Then Styx turned and ran back to the room.
“Sorry, Mr evil hand Puppet, but where’s the exit in here? Do you have to go all the way up this giant mole tunnel to get out?”
They reached the hallway at last with no sign of the boy or any of the police team. The house was as silent as the grave. Styx rushed to the front door, “I’ve found the exit! Finally! Freedom!”, but the big oak door didn’t budge. Twyx pulled too but the door wouldn’t open. It was locked. They ran to the kitchen but the back door and windows were all locked as well. “If we can’t find a way out we’ve got to hide. I know for a fact that I’m hiding as far away from Luna as possible ’cos her hair looks like a bright red traffic light and that’s going to attract some seriously unwanted evil attention.” Styx said, creeping through to the dining room. The others were gripped with fear as a loud, high-pitched scream rang through the old house. Suddenly Styx reappeared pale and shaken as if he’d seen a ghost, “I found some dead people. I recommend not going that way, it’s rather unpleasant. That puppet is evil isn’t he?”
Twyx looked around, “Everything’s locked. We’re trapped.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Thanks.

I did write this for an English creative writing test so that's mainly why it's all squished in and stuff. And the ending's a bit of a cliff hanger because I wouldn't have had enough (actually I didn't have enough) time to write anymore.
P.S. the girls were moved to a hotel. I think I mentioned their hotel... I don't remember...
Hey I'm back!
They are definitely original and not boring at all. The appearance of the Puppet was a bit out of the blue and random. I do like how you have some horror elements in here, but it would be a lot better if you had it spread out. The ending was good, just a little abrupt. I'm guessing that you're planning on adding more?
This was a very interesting piece and you had excellent grammar/spelling, so it was easy to get through. The one major problem I have with this is the lack of grief that the girls have for their dead parents. Did you do that on purpose? Also, I'm not sure if its really realistic to have the girls stay in the house after the murder, wouldn't they be sent to some sort of foster care? I think you should mainly focus on Twyx and Styx, who are very interesting characters, by the way.
Good luck!
Embee.