Ten dollars in quarters,
three in Sacagawea’s,
a handful of small change,
yet not a cent of common sense
in the driver’s wallet.
Twelve hours stretch into fifteen.
Three stops turn into seven,
though two are for naught.
After all,
five dollars in a
twenty-gallon tank lasts for
less than a circulating cent.
One rest stop in Georgia
skunked worse than pocket change.
Yet, ten minutes and
a bit of penny-luck yielded
six nickel gems and
a new perspective on people.
In four days,
I’d taken three steps outside.
In the last two days,
I’d lived a millenia.
Ten dollars in quarters,
three of which found new homes
in coin folders and plastic bins.
A handful of small change,
churned into a polished set
of Westward Journeys.
Thirty-five hours in cars,
twenty-three metal-clad memories,
ten sardines in one tiny house,
five nights of card games,
and two days of uncle-niece bonding time
made for one hell of a holiday.
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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hello! Anna here, ready to review!
I really like this (this is why I'm growing to love review day, I find all of these hidden gems that I didn't know existed and I just get so excited. sorry. enthusiastic outburst. I'm going to stop now).
I really liked your hook. It was quiet and understated, but it very much leads into the rest of your poem. One thing to look for though is that "Sacagawea's" should not have that apostrophe in there. It might make the word easier to read, but without it it's still fine.
Your poem follows a clear journey of a person and shows what they learned and what they gained during different parts of the journey while carrying a clear motif of money and numbers all the way through it. I wonder if the numbers you've chosen were intended to mean anything in numerology, which is a strange way of looking at it, but
Overall, I don't have much editing this poem. It's sweet and simple and makes me see home and orange pennies and gas station floors and car trips. And on car trips, a sense of togetherness and bonding happens, which is what you made me feel (and you exemplified in the "uncle-niece bonding time"). I could easily relate to your wonderful work of art, and it showed so many life lessons in such quick yet smooth pacing. Well done! I applaud you!
Yup, you did it. You created life out of a poem.
This is an amazing poem.
I really like the way the narrator answered his mother's question.
You brought out the tiring journey, the people you've met and the money you've spent during the trip using a few lines, yet it felt so descriptive.
My favorite part was,
"Ten dollars in quarters,
three of which found new homes
in coin folders and plastic bins."
Anyway, you did a good job with this poem. I'm looking forward to read some more!