Outside the prison of warmth,
small flecks of hail pounce against the windowsill.
Light from the mid-morning sun
peers cautiously from above,
sending glittering rays to refract
across the icy faces, who
ceaselessly tap along the house,
beckoning me to join them.
As the shy sun flees behind the
comforts of the cumulus,
their opalescence fades into
pure, translucent bliss.
Yet as my cocoa-smeared kiss
presses against the frigid glass,
as my moist breath thaws the
remnants of ice
which border the windowpanes
like frosted embroidery,
the precious fractals wither and
melt into droplets of flowing tears.
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140,113 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Hello, Ruby here for a review!
Wow, this poem is amazing. Honestly, this could be published somewhere, or if you write more you could collect them into a book and get THAT published, this is so good. You have a stunning vocabulary, and it really gives the poem just that extra something.
The first line catches the reader off the bat. A 'prison of warmth' is almost contradicting, because to be warm is always a pleasant feeling, however, no one wants to be trapped in a prison. From the first line, you express the desire to be in the cold in such a creative way.
The lines
"Light from the mid-morning sun
peers cautiously from above'
are so accurate of that timid warmth that radiates from the sun in the winter, and in the morning as well. It's just one of the many examples of personification you placed so well in this piece.
The imagery of the poem is lovely as well, there are so many examples I won't even bother trying to point them all out. My favorite was probably 'cocoa-smeared kiss". It's such a simplistic, childlike thing: the image of a young child peering out through the window while it hails, desiring to run and play but instead drinking hot cocoa while being confined to his or her prison of warmth. It gives the whole poem such a nostalgic feeling. I was definitely thinking back to my childhood winters.
Also, the image of the clouds becoming translucent when the sun goes behind them took my breath away. Such a simple yet wondrous thing of nature, and again the descriptive words you used are off the charts.
Write more poetry, please, and get yourself famous! You are 100% talented enough. I look forward to reading more from you
This is one of the best poems I've read...You should publish some books if you haven't yet, for I believe you can do much more than poetry. your words are calming and luminous; that's why I started writing for calmness and thank you for helping me with that. I can see that you are a practiced author and a very good one at that. since you are good at writing could you check my work. Keep writing you were meant to!
Hello, friend! I would be more than happy to check over some of your uploaded works and help you with them. I am a bit of a grammar dork, so if I find many teeny-tiny things, please don't be discouraged - I am just nit-picky, that's all. But thank you so much for your kind words.
Jack here for a review
There are some really nice words you used in this poem, that really make the poem a lovely piece to read.
I take it from the heading this is about hail, and the small hint throughout the work which I like you never mention it and you make the reader guess well that its about hail.
I don't know why but no matter how hard I tried to find something to fault in this piece to say that you needed to fix it, but the more and more I looked I found nothing and all I can say was this peice is almost perfectly written, personally I think you did a great job on it
J.
Hello, Burrow! Thank you for reviewing my piece - it really means a lot to get a work out of the Green Room for the first time
But hey, I'm glad you liked my subtlety - I'm still working on showing more than telling. 
But again, thanks so much