An Ice Cream Truck in Late Summer

by Stripes
  • July 21, 2009
  • Poetry
  • Lyrical

Seems like we miss it every time--
the music too quiet,
the outside noise too great.
We hear the bells,
leap up shrieking to get the door and then
it's gone,
too far to catch.

So we eat ice cream from our own freezer
and wait for it to come back around.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Luvzi12
Review
Luvzi12 wrote a review · Thu Jul 23, 2009 3:21 pm

Do you know you posted this twice:
topic51184.html

topic51183.html

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Angels-Symphony
Review
Angels-Symphony wrote a review · Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:06 pm

Hey Stripes ^^ Shina here for a review ;)


I. Nitpicks

We hear the bells,

No comma needed hear.
leap up shrieking to get the door and then

"And then" should be on the next line or get its own line.

II.Overall

Cute poem, Stripes. There's not much to review, but you may need to think more about the moral or story. Waiting for the ice cream man... there could be more story to this, maybe describe more of what goes on during the summer.

Hope this helps

-Shina



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