Young Writers Society

Hey hey, Ardently here for a review!!

Oooooh an acrostic (i totally didn't forget what this type of poem was called for a minute there). You don't really see a lot of those, or at least I don't. You might. Anyways I'm waffling. Serious review time!!

First off I really liked what you did here. I like how the word choice you used all showed the idea of bravery in quite an abstract way. Kinda reminds me of that quote about how bravery isn't not being scared, it's being scared and doing what you need to do anyway. Actually, it really reminds me of that quote, especially that last line!

I agree with Shay that the alliteration was quite nice. "Brittle breaths" "solace in silence" "seemingly futile skirmish" "jeopardous journey". I like it, so it's a bit disappointing that you didn't find a way to keep it going in the last two lines. Not that it's easy to find more words starting with V (which reminds me, good use of viscid. It sounds cool and I learnt a new word), but you could've gone with some more words starting with S or A. And in the last line, so much choice, E or T or A. Am I being a little pedantic here? Maybe. I just think it would've really added to your poem if you had kept going with what you started.

And speaking of keeping going with what you started, I like the way this poem flows. It really rolls off the tongue nicely which is aided by the alliteration (alright, alright I'll stop banging on about it I swear), but also by the way your sentences are structured and the way that the words you chose fit together in an imagery type way. I'm going to disagree with my fellow reviewers a bit here and say that although your last line may be a little short or simple, it's no more that than the rest of the poem, and hardly something I noticed without reading their reviews.

Overall this is a really nice work, which I really enjoyed!

~ Ardently <3 ~

Hey there! Shey here for a review!

You've got a nice poem going here, as previous reviewers have mentioned. Personally, I'm not a big fan of acrostics, as they just aren't my style. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from appreciating a good one when I see it.

Brittle breaths find solace in silence

Resilient, undeterred by their seemingly futile skirmish

As they carry on their jeopardous journey
Viscid hands grasp at their spirited ambitions

Even though they are afraid

Ah! An acrostic, I love writing and reading these.

Anyways, on to the review!

Form
So people sometimes think that acrostics are a sort of juvenile form of poetry, since most of us remember writing them in elementary school. But just because, it's an acrostic doesn't mean it's not sophisticated -- it just has to work against those assumptions the audience might already have in place.

I like what you did to elevate the acrostic in several ways.
Alliteration
First you used a lot of assonance and alliteration in this piece. For instance, in line 1, the double "b" sound and then the double "s" sound (solace, silence). This pretty much continues throughout the piece. (Double "r" in resilient & undeterred and "s" in Seemingly and skirmish, and then "j" in "jeapardous journey", "th" in though they, and "ah" in "are" and "afraid") The only line where I noticed a lack of this was in the line starting with "v" because you use it so much in the other lines this actually stood out to me, and I would suggest playing with it a bit to see if you can add some alliterative affect to it.

Word Choice
The next way you seem to elevate the acrostic is through your word choice. You used some really interesting language throughout the piece that made it a little quirky because it wasn't quite formal or academic, but was still more sophisticated than how people generally casually speak. Now, even though the elevated language made it a little more difficult to read through, I think you chose the words delicately in ways that worked with what you were trying to portray.

End Twist / Theme
Another aspect I really enjoyed about this piece was the twist at the end revealing that the speakers although resilient and ambitious, are "afraid". This gives new meaning to the word "brave" that is worked into the poem. As people don't typically think of those who are afraid being brave also. This little twist at the end was memorable and also gave me sympathy for the speaker of the story (no one likes to read about a flawless hero - so showing that they have something lacking, that they are afraid, allows readers to connect with the speaker).

Room for Improvement
Although this was a really good acrostic overall, there were two aspects that I think could be improved upon. 1) Flow and 2) Narrative Appeal.

1) Flow
So as far as flow, this poem read very wordy when read out-loud. Acrostics are difficult because the line breaks aren't as easy to control, but line two and line three seemed a bit long. One way to improve the flow would be dropping some of the verbose language in favor of simpler adjectives in a few places (this might actually help your elevated language stand out, if not every adjective was extraordinary) or even adding some end or internal rhyme might help it out a bit. Really that line 2 bothered me the most, seeming to have just a few too many syllables.

2) Narrative Appeal
The second aspect that could be improved upon a bit is the narrative of the poem. I'm always a fan of a good story in a poem, because I think it makes it easy for the audience to connect to and makes it more memorable. In this poem, I have no idea what the conflict is except maybe fear itself. If you gave the speaker some monster or idea with which they were fighting it would make the poem more targeted I think. Also the reader doesn't get very many concrete details about the speaker (for instance we know they have ambitions, but have no idea what these are, we know they've been in "skirmishes" but have no idea what it's over) etc. By being a bit more specific in the plot and conflict of this poem, it would help better lay out the story, and give readers a reason to be concerned for the speaker as well. This was the biggest aspect that I think could use some improvement on.

Overall, this was a nice short poem. You packed a lot into such a short piece, and it was clear and to the point. Nice work, I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the future!

~alliyah

Hello, Steggy here for a short review!

This poem is very powerful and I like how you began each stanza with words of the title. It seems to get progressively deeper in meaning as the poem progresses but it also seems to just come to an end. Like, I feel you could've gone a little more in depth before ending it so it can be a well-rounded poem. One thing I noticed while I was reading was how the words seemed to string together and it kind of creates a sort of mysterious feeling when I read it. Who is the one traveling? It is kind of a nice touch to it, I think.

It also tells a sort of story of someone going through hard times but is able to bounce back onto their feet while their doubts are kind of pulling them back. I think most people could relate a little deeper with this poem if they looked deep within if that makes sense.

Viscid hands grasp spirited ambitions

Hey! This is quite creative.....although my vocabulary is not that good and i don't know the meaning of the words you used above.....it seems interesting

Hey, AJ here for a quick review!

Ooooh... I like this. A lot. It's simplistic, but it has a lot of weight to it. I just have a couple thoughts.

- The first line doesn't seem quite right to me. I think it's the use of "brittle". What are you trying to convey with that word? Maybe it's different than what I'm thinking. I love the rest of the lines though.

- Viscid is an interesting word choice. Doesn't it mean sticky? Does it have the idea of grasping onto something tightly? Sticky just doesn't seem quite right, but I could be wrong

I LOVE the R line. The E line is interesting too, since people can still be afraid even if they're brave.
I wonder if you could add another word... Maybe "Brave Enough"? (I dunno, that's one of Lindsey Stirling albums...) xD

Overall, I think this is fantastic. It's short and sweet.
Keep on writing, and Happy RevMo!
-AJ