Can't let you go

Hiya,

So this is a good little piece, and it does show the feelings decently, but for this length, it could be much more. The "speech impediment" confused me because it was just randomly thrown in there and didn't really relate in my mind. Also, the first sentence seems very wordy. You could edit it down some to make it shorter and flow better. Another thing I noticed is that you use the word "and" a lot. Try to edit some of those out. as for that final line (the quote), it just doesn't really seem to work in my mind. This is all about how you "can't let [them] go", so it's weird to have something about how you can't trust them. Finally, try to work in some different sentence structures and punctuation. This entire piece seems repetitive and there is nothing to give it a pop or something that stands out. Look up how to use things like dashes, semicolons, colons, and the such (if you don't know how to use them) and throw them in here. You would be surprised how much some well used punctuation can change a writing piece.

Hey there, StreetRat!

I'm going to review this small snippet for you.

"Lately I've been thinking about how I love the way you blow smoke out of your mouth, and how I love the way your voice sounds and your speech impediment, and all of the things you've been saying to me."
-> You seem to have information here that doesn't really add anything to the passage. "Speech impediment" seems like its just thrown in there and I'm sure you can work that into what you said about how she loves the way his voice sounds. I understand that you're trying to say that his voice is so sweet that she can't see through the 'smoke' and realize that he's playing a lying game, but one part is a acting like a traffic block.

"And then I realized that everything I was thinking about was whatever was coming out of your mouth. And then I thought about your lies and decided I was done with you."
-> You start both of these sentences with an 'and' and I think you should try to vary it a little and possibly even try to start it with something else. In addition to that, '...realized that everything I was thinking about was whatever was coming out of your mouth' seems a bit too long and redundant and it doesn't really make sense to me.

"I can't believe the lies you told me. I can't believe that I believed you."
-> Can't believe in the lies he told = denial? Can't believe that she believed him = more denial?

In the end, this tells us that she can't let him go because she's in denial, that he's apparently not so bad of a person in her mind, right? I think you could make this better by clarifying the situation and making it a longer piece, adding a story, making characters but if a 'story' is not your goal, I think you could even try to turn this little passage into a deep and meaningful lesson on love and lies. I've been in a relationship similar to this before, it didn't end well, in fact, it pretty much destroyed a little part of me so perhaps turning this into some words of wisdom can maybe help someone who comes across this who might be in a similar circumstance. You should try to make it easier to read, light but deep in value and meaning, and less casual - more formal.

-Pink