Winter

Kitty15 wrote:Ah a Haiku! You have three very pretty lines here but I think they're more suited to a longer poem, they're not crisp and deadly enough for Haiku. When you choose to write with tighter constraint your words have to be all the stronger and more carefully chosen and your three lines should flow into each other.

It's hard to put perfection into just three lines. Sometimes the best Haikus are those which have a twist at the end, they're certainly more memorable and if they make the reader smile then they've achieved something. A simple description of a season is a little dull compared to that.

Perhaps instead of describing the cold grip of winter, you could touch on something less obvious? Maybe describe a snap-shot instead of trying to cover the whole thing like a scarf caught in the branches of a tree or the tread-mark of an ice skate on the lake. It might actually be interesting to describe winter through a series of such snap-shots so you could create a poem out of multiple Haikus. Just an idea ^^

Anyway, thanks for the read and good luck with future writing,

Heather xx

Ah a Haiku! You have three very pretty lines here but I think they're more suited to a longer poem, they're not crisp and deadly enough for Haiku. When you choose to write with tighter constraint your words have to be all the stronger and more carefully chosen and your three lines should flow into each other.

It's hard to put perfection into just three lines. Sometimes the best Haikus are those which have a twist at the end, they're certainly more memorable and if they make the reader smile then they've achieved something. A simple description of a season is a little dull compared to that.

Perhaps instead of describing the cold grip of winter, you could touch on something less obvious? Maybe describe a snap-shot instead of trying to cover the whole thing like a scarf caught in the branches of a tree or the tread-mark of an ice skate on the lake. It might actually be interesting to describe winter through a series of such snap-shots so you could create a poem out of multiple Haikus. Just an idea ^^

Anyway, thanks for the read and good luck with future writing,

Heather xx

This is rather short- nearly too short for a proper review. I agree with the previous poster. You could elaborate on it more...
It does have potential, none-the-less.

It such a tiny poem I'm not sure what to think of it.
I think you should elaborate on your last line.

Have a glorious day