(Are You) Gay?

A/N: Title has nothing to do with poem.

People don't change;
I'll still have Bukowski quotes
written on my ribcage
in Sharpie.

Chlorine will go straight into
my nose whenever someone
mentions drowning,
or hating life in general.

Jokes about surf punk and Arizona tea,
everything I've done in the past year
has grown stale. I use the same
three words to describe my feelings.

Things don't change;
my apologies are still faux.
I never felt grief about that death,
or all those car accidents and overdoses.

Radio pop songs derive catharsis,
but I use one pretentious band or two
to combat that. It does nothing,
I am nothing,
or something like that.

Everything won't change;
except for feelings, emotions,
point of views, personal contacts,
and my habit of texting back.

I'll say a bunch of Beatnik quotes
and freak out over small things,
the latest post punk song will be
spray painted in the school's parking lot.

I'll still hate the smell of Chlorine,
but love the thought of memories.
Love the thought of moving on

and the idea of things ending
for a good reason.

Comments

Points: 17
Reviews: 63

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Wed Jun 01, 2016 7:41 am

Werthan wrote a review...

I normally can't stand freeform poems, because too often they just feel like prose with lines in-between, but this one felt very poetic and I actually liked the sound of it. I also thought it was really easy to understand without having to state every single point in the poem super direct, which is something too many people do, or they occasionally try to be indirect, but no one can understand. I think the main hallmark of a good writer is that they can say something not direct but still have their meaning clear, and you definitely accomplished that. This really deserves to be on the front page.

Points: 4984
Reviews: 621

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Wed Jun 01, 2016 1:02 am

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Rook wrote a review...

Hey Strange M'Tange, here to boot this outta the green room.

I really enjoyed this poem. I will admit that I read Morrigan's review waaay before deciding to review this myself (and I usually don't read other reviewer's thoughts first) so some of what she said might influence my own review.
These parts of her review I especially agree with: (a.k.a. if she hadn't have said this or if I hadn't read the review, I would have just said it in my own words)

I thought for a second that I might have liked some of your disjointed, mystery poetry more, but this one is more honest. This one gets closer to the root of everything.

Part of me wants to know those three words, but I don't think it really matters. It's the sameness that matters.

(although I noticed that you answered that in the comment below. I think it was a good idea to keep the reader guessing, though I'm not exactly sure)
and

"that" is uninspired. Try something more descriptive instead of "that."

Okay, onto new things!

So one thing that bugged me a bit while I read this was that each stanza really seemed like a brand new thought, almost completely disconnected from the last. No real transitions or anything. Not that you need transitions of connections for every stanza always. No, that would be maybe even worse than none. It's just, the way the voice in my head reads it, it's like, the first line in each stanza is pretty loud, and then it trails off, and then when it gets loud again, it's talking about something new, like it bored itself with the previous topic. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm just asking for a little more transitions/connections and maybe a change in sentence structure. I mean, like, the first two stanzas are both composed of 1 single sentence, both of which seem to have the same structure. It almost sounds like an echo, just with completely different words.
I feel like that made no sense.

I half agree with morrigan with the list of things. I agree that it's a little cumbersome, but I also REALLY LIKE the line about your habit of texting back. Just in general. That's a really interesting thing to call a habit.

I also really like the image of Bukowski quotes written on your ribs in sharpie. That's actually a pretty powerful and concrete image for me.

I'll say a bunch of Beatnik quotes
and freak out over small things,

These two lines feel weak to me. Specifically "saying" quotes (you could scream them or whisper them or anything other than just saying them) and "freak out" seems to not quite fit the rest of the vocabulary in this.

The ending was nice. It really felt like you just tied a neat little, satisfying bow on it.

Anyway, this is a very nice poem. I hope my review helped out a bit!
Keep writing!
~fortis

Points: 524
Reviews: 54

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Wed Jun 01, 2016 12:39 am

StupidSoup says...

Who's Bukowski?

Willard says...

Google exists. Seriously.

Willard says...

StupidSoup says...

Don't you think I'm called StupidSoup for a reason silly ;u;

Points: 2003
Reviews: 62

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Mon May 30, 2016 10:59 pm

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Poopsie says...

im gay for imagery

Lumi says...

I was wondering if someone would leave a tasteless joke in this piece's comments section. I'm disappointed that it happened.

Willard says...

JumpyDot says...

how is tasteless? is pigeon. pigeon taste like chicken.

Willard says...

Good for you.

deleted5 says...

People taste like chicken too

Poopsie says...

I thought you were more of a sushi guy.

...figures

StupidSoup says...

No humans are recorded to have tasted like pork thankyouverymuch

Points: 29096
Reviews: 862

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Mon May 30, 2016 4:11 am

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Morrigan wrote a review...

Hello, Strange.

Well, this certainly seems more serious than usual. It's about one subject. I'm guessing this is autobiographical? It seems very personal. I thought it might be a joke poem from the title, but it's not.

I like this. I thought for a second that I might have liked some of your disjointed, mystery poetry more, but this one is more honest. This one gets closer to the root of everything.

Criticism:

Jokes about surf punk and Arizona tea,

I think you should put a dash at the end of that line. The comma doesn't feel right. It's probably grammatically wrong, but I spent all day reviewing and my brain is half-addicted mush.

I use the same
three words to describe my feelings.

Part of me wants to know those three words, but I don't think it really matters. It's the sameness that matters.

Radio pop songs derive catharsis,

My first thought was, "what do they derive catharsis from?" But then I figured you were talking about yourself. Also in this line, I suggest taking out one of the words to describe the "radio pop songs." You could have "radio pop," "radio songs," or "pop songs." I like radio pop, but I just don't think that all three descriptors are necessary there.

to combat that.

To combat what? I know you're talking about pop sucking catharsis out of you, but "that" is uninspired. Try something more descriptive instead of "that."

Everything won't change;
except for feelings, emotions,
point of views, personal contacts,
and my habit of texting back.

Instead of listing all these literal things, I think you should put a singular, strong image here that represents all of these things. Personally, I think it would be more effective. My brain glossed right over this stanza because it was a list of stuff.

I'll say a bunch of Beatnik quotes

But what if you said, "I'll channel the Beatniks." I just think I've always wanted to say that, maybe.

You don't have to capitalize chlorine, but if it's capitalized because it's important, I suggest putting more emphasis on it without having to caps it. Especially because the first time it's used, it's at the beginning of a sentence, so readers expect it to be capitalized. I mean, it's one of the only things that's repeated, so I'd say it's already pretty important.

I like the ending. It's as if you're talking yourself into ending the poem. Or maybe sending this as a letter to someone that you don't want to talk to anymore.

Overall, I liked this. It's really honest and straightforward. Nice job, Strange! I hope that you find this review useful to you! Happy poeting!

Willard says...

Spoiler! :

Points: 2515
Reviews: 28

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Mon May 30, 2016 3:09 am

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ashlingwolf says...

This speaks to me on a spiritual level. Not in a way that I can explain, otherwise this would n a review. But this just makes sense to me for seemingly no reason. Thank you.

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(Are You) Gay?

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