Lifeless

Hello, Storm. Welcome to YWS. I hope you're enjoying it here and if you have any questions, just let me know.
For now, I'll write a review for you on your poem, which I hope would be useful.

The title of your poem attracted me to read and review this piece. I haven't review for quite a bit so I am sorry if I go offtrack or don't sound very helpful.
I am cutting this review down into three core areas.

Firstly, the punctuation. It's missing all over. Well, as a writer, I know, and I know that you know, that punctuation isn't compulsory but it is good to use them.
Well, you planned not to, which is fine I repeat, but you ended your poem with a period (full-stop if you prefer) which is not a good idea.

Secondly, you didn't even read your poem, did you? You made a small mistake (is it a mistake?) which isn't really nice. "Slulips" is what I am referring to. Please reread the stuff you write so you don't have such mistakes left before you publish your work.

Thirdly, you did a good job telling us how sadness and happiness is a bluff? Well, it seemed like happiness has betrayed you. Well, like my teacher used to say "Every smile fades with a tear and every tear is wiped with a smile."
Good job in saying that the other way around. You could make the poem a bit longer, I'd have preferred it that way.

Overall, it was good piece and I liked it. I am writing a couple of poems about death so it was good practice going through this piece. Thank you!

Keep writing. Let me know if you need any help.
Have a nice day!

Welcome to the Young Writers Society, mon amie!

Well if this isn't just the thing I needed to cheer myself up!

Just kidding, this is your art not mine.
Like the first guy said, I have a hard time following the reason both coldness and sadness, and happiness and joy, are the cause of some kind of death.

There are two sides to everything and I agree with you that anything can cause harm (of course sadness, but also false joy or empty happiness)

I see here someone who has reached the end of their life and reflects on all that has happened and realizes that everything, despite being good or bad, will ultimately lead to death, there is no alternative.

That's my "take-away" for this piece.

I enjoyed it!

-Oracle

Hey! ChocolateCello here! Welcome to YWS!

So, not the best when it come to reviewing 'meaningful poems' but I'll give it a shot.

First off, did you mean 'slips' instead of 'slulips'? You might want to change that

Another things, more on the content side of reviewing; You start off naming dark things that are causing you harm, (Sadness, coldness), then you changed to more positive thing, (Happiness, Joy). I think the poem would be more... powerful (?) if you stuck with the negative theme. Happiness and joy are positive, although you make them negative in this work, but they take away from the pain in the words here. Now maybe you did this for a reason, but I'm not a fan of the contrast. I would suggest either making positive things negative (Replace coldness and sadness with happy thing) or making negative things more negative, (Replace happiness and joy with negative things). Just keep it constant.

Hope this was clear and helpful! Let me know if anything was confusing, I'd be happy to reword and explain.

Keep writing!
-ChocolateCello