Attention... Attention... Tion, you there?
Yes, Tion hastily drummed back.
Hatching! It's a big one!
He clenched his fist and only just restrained from telling all of Pern of his troubles. Was supposed to be told! he drummed back.
Knowing Jared so well, it was no surprise that he "saw" his friend's shrug.
Sorry, drummed Jared. Was occupied with message to Lord Holder Arin.
Shells, groaned Tion.
You can say that again! Can hear the noise... Blue chosen! M'tan is named!
Shells! Tion swore again.
Hey, there'll be other Turns. Don't sweat.
Tion groaned and didn't reply.
Green chosen, Jared reported. Can't catch name... It's T'ren!
Terren?! Tion was beatless.
Yeah. Amazing! Hey, bronze didn't choose. One egg left!
Tion sobbed and clutched his sticks. It was too much!
K'van, Jared drummed. K'van chosen! Big excitement!
Little Keevan? he wondered.
Yep, Jared drummed. The shorter his sentences, the more excited he was. Tion judged that he was ready to lay himself.
Shards!
From shells to shards. Controll yourself!
**
K'van stroked Heth's wing. The little bronze replied by leaning into the stroke.
I wish Tion and Jared were here.
Why?
I want them to see! He swayed as his broken skull throbbed.
K'van? Get to the Healers.
Help me up, he said blearily. I'm seeing two of you, Heth.
**
Tion barely spoke to his father, Beastmaster Kellon, all night.
"A watch-wher talks more than you, son," Kellon growled. "For shells' sake, Tion, talk!"
"I missed the hatching at Telgar."
"I'm sorry," he said, thinking, You should be!
"It's one in a thousand--"
"But my thousand will come," Tion replied. It was his father's favorite expression.
"That's right, my lad! Don't forget it!"
"Yes, Father," he said, smiling.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
1. I didn't know how they were talking at first(I'm still not sure). My first impression was that they were using telepathy, but that doesn't make sense, seeing as I have never seen them talk like that in the books, and furthermore, neither have dragons. Now I think it was probably the distance-writer.
2. You aren't consistent in your use of italics. In the first bit, some of their 'speech' is not italicized. In the second bit, I think you should use italics for all of the 'talking between K'van and Heth. Maybe use bold for the distance-writer?
4. I don't think Tion should be using 'shells' and 'shards' as swearwords as he is craftborn, not weyrborn. Unless that changed after firelizards became common?
3. There are a lot of unanswered questions. What happened to K'van? Why wasn't Tion at Impression? How do Tion and Jared know K'van?
There really isn't much meat to this. It isn't really enough for me to like or dislike it.
Hey, any takers? I know the series is adult...