Standing on the tremor's edge
I reflect on nothing.
Feeling the earth shake
I brace myself.
Now's the time. It's drawing in.
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Let's start this again!
Dripping sound of liquefaction
Tearing of trees before the earth
Drawing me, saying
"Come to rest."
No!
I say it out loud, stronger now
Than ever.
Now's the time. It's drawing in.
I'm ready, I'm ready
Let's start this anew!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
It is good, just a bit short.
Not much to say, Sorry.
Really nice.
What's that? Male alternative yuck! I meant this as an expression, not a real song, so 'pologies. Thanks for the critique.
Nice! It's not the best, but it's pretty good.
Some suggestions:
"I reflect on nothing."
Ugh. Nasty line. Awkward, too much. It doesn't have a tune to it, especially as a second line. I don't understand it either! Reflect as in "I reflect on the past" or "I refelct on the water"?
Repeat the No! Add one more verse that goes something like this--
No!
It echos across the snow
I watch my breath go.
etc.
"anew" is really awkward.
Otheriwse, it's really good. It's the kind of song an Alternative male group will sing or a nice-and-smart-Britney-Spears version will sing.