AN: I apologize for the abruptness of this post. The parts before it will be posted soon.
“Let the prisoner be brought to face justice!” yowled Leapordstar.
Struggling and spitting, Ottertail was escorted by four warriors. They forced him to crouch before his leader.
Leapordstar went on: “The punishment for treason is death or exile. Unless three warriors speak for you, it is death.”
Mistyfoot stepped forward. “I speak for him.”
Next was Grayfall. “I speak for him. He is my apprentice; how could I not?”
There was a stirring among the Clan, but no one else stepped up. “Ottertail, it is decided. You are condemned…”
“Wait!” cried a new voice. Shock rippled through the Clan as Ravenpaw stepped forward. “Take his name, but not his life.”
His voice was drowned in a surge of objections. “He is not one of us!” a gray elder spat.
“He belongs to no Clan. I say we banish him as well,” said another.
Leapordstar calmly rode out the storm. “Ravenpaw, why should we spare this cat’s life? Tell me.”
The black cat’s voice trembled, but he stood firm. “Because he is part of the prophesy,” he began. The words caused another sensation. “I say again, let his name be taken, not his life.”
“Very well,” said Leapordstar. She face Ottertail directly. “You are banished, now and forever, from Riverclan. Your name will be forgotten, and never be used for another.”
The condemned cat sprang to his paws. “So be it. I am nameless now. But I swear that I will return. The signs say that I still have a part in the future. I will come back.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I think you should explain more of why Ottertail is being put on trail. Also, maybe you should say what kind of postion Ravenpaw has in the clan that could make him command the leader.
"She face Ottertail directly."
She faced Ottertail directly.
Other than that it seems like a good story, I would love to read more.
Okay, two things. One, you never consulted me on whether or not to post this. Two, why is Ottertail being banned? You never told us in the story.
I think you spelled prophesy wrong. I'm not sure though....
How can Ravenpaw, a newly named apprentice, tell the leader of Riverclan what to do? That sounds a little off. Good start though.
ClimberSquirrel