Published May 7, 2011
"What really happened to Dad?" Fieldpaw whispered.
"No cat knows." Infinite sadness echoed in Hawkstar's voice. "He would've been proud of you."
Fieldpaw digested that for a moment. Then she said, "I'll find him. If he's alive, I'm going to bring him home."
**
Either rabbits are getting faster or I'm slowing down, Bluestripe thought.
"Never mind," laughed Badgerclaw. "There are more where that came from!"
"Don't you ever get frustrated?"
"Not since I was a kit." The younger tom splayed his forepaws in a stretch. "Come on, Stripe ol' boy. Let's head for home."
Stripe ol' boy? When did he start being so cheeky? Bluestripe sighed and turned towards home. He's right, though. They'll be wanting a younger deputy.
(Air's writing)
**
"Where did you last see him?" Fieldpaw asks snuggling up to her mom
"Oh, It was a long time ago, i cant really remember" Hawkstar replies looking at her
"It had to be after I was born though, right?"
"Yes, it was. I just can't understand his reasoning."
"He just ran off? he wouldn't have done that, he couldn't have," she says getting tired. "It wasn't... anything to do with my paws?"
"No one really knows what happened, and I'm sure it wasn't anything to do with you" Hawkstar says, snuggling closer to her kit.
"You do that, just remeber, you have to find him first."
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141,396 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Oh man.... it's been years since I read Warriors!
Nice job, I like your short story.
Keep Writing,
~FW~
Red - Grammar/Spelling Change | Blue - Alternative
Sorry, bit rusty, this is my first review! Anyway, off to school now!
Hi, here to review.
Okay, so I like this story. It's cool! But there are a few grammar errors.
Nitpicks:
Blue = should be caps. Red = Add comma/periods, other things.
There should be a comma after "asks" and a period after the sentence ends.
The first letter in "it" shouldn't be a capital. That "I" in blue should be a capital. Can't should "wear" an apostrophe... xD And you should add a comma before the diolog ends.
Hawkstar is a name, therefor the first letter should be a capital. There should be a comma after "reply", and a period that closes the sentence. xD
All I's should be capital letters if they are a pronoun.
Great job! Keep writing!
~Solvy <3