Mostly he ain't thinkin'
As he rides to school
That life is gonna play him for a fool.
Jen's got cancer.
The words are loud and clear.
So why won't it click, between his ears?
Well, isn't that
Just like love?
He's feeling the weight
Of a blow from above.
The rest of the day
Goes by in a blur.
It's hard to focus
With his thoughts all on her.
Well isn't that
Just like love?
He feels the weight
Like a brick from above.
She opens her eyes,
and the place is all white.
Is this heaven,
Is she even alive?
Steady pulses seem to say "Poor you."
Oh, God, can this even be true?
Well, isn't that
Just like love?
They're sharing the weight,
But it's in from above!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Ello Stori, I like this song. The way I picture it in my head its fast pace, kind of goes with the whole meaning of the song. The lack of control hits pretty hard and the desire for sympathy but the lack of any kind of real way to get it/for it to have any meaning other than the basic human emotion. It's rather complicated for how simple it is! I do like it a lot o: Songs are always nice. I wouldn't change a thing.
Hi there Stori! June here
. (And I can't stop singing it)
Okay! I've made up a rhythm for this and now you've got me singing it aloud.
The song is short and simple-- brilliant. The message is raised right away, which is perfect. You don't have any of the long explanations going here, but yet, the song in all of it's simplicity tells a great story. I like it
There is nothing here that I would change. None of the lines drag, it's easy to read, (and sing!) and it doesn't feel like you've given us too much or did not give us enough.
Overall, I really, really like it. It's perfect; there's nothing to change, nothing to add. I give it a perfect 10/10.
Sorry this review was just a babble about how good it was xD, and no constructive criticism. I really liked it, Stori. Good job!
June