Heirs to the Light scene

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

"Broken Arrow" was the name outsiders gave this place. To the dozen weasels sprawled on rock ledges, it was home. If hunger doesn't kill me, Cross mused, boredom will. She shook her head, sunlight catching a tiny silver comb. Hm. Someone would be overjoyed to have this back in their drawer. She was off the ledge and running along the point before her drowsing tribe mates could blink. I must be crazy, takin' this back. Still, any port in a storm...

Okayy...well this is quite something here. It is a pretty short scene that you have here, and I suppose considering the title that you've given this piece that is all this is meant to be. It is hard to judge whether this is maybe meant to be a prologue of some kind or the opening chapter or simply something in the middle of a story. This could certainly work for all three points I think.

Right off the bat there is an odd sense of mystery here. This comb thing while simple at first glance appears to maybe represent something more somehow and this journey that the main character appears to be leaving on is certainly a bit more than just someone running to a house to put to something back, especially since we have no idea how this one even acquired it in the first place.

That last thing that really strikes me about this scene is that it seems to very strongly imply that we've got ourselves a non human protagonist here and a squirrel at that. I don't believe I"ve ever seen that particular animal POV being used before and it promises a very unique look at the world there.

Overall, despite being as short as it is, it manages to be interesting enough that I find myself really wanting to read more of this story.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

"Broken Arrow" was the name outsides gave this place. To the dozen weasels
sprawled on rock ledges, it was home. Nice introduction to the scene.

If hunger doesn't kill me, Cross mused, boredom will. Why will hunger kill her?
She shook her head, sunlight catching a tiny silver comb. Hm. Someone
would be overjoyed to have this back in their drawer. Who is this someone?

She was off the ledge and running along the point before her drowsing
tribe mates could blink.

I think that this scene needs a bit more explanation, There are a lot of holes in this and its particularly short therefore we -the readers- aren't told almost anything about the MC who would be Cross. If the story was expanded upon it would be an exciting read.

Keep Writing, Anger

Oh and Stellz Drowsing is a word.

drowsing:present participle of drowse
Verb: Be half asleep; doze intermittently

Hey Stori, Stella here! This is... really short. Too short for a full review. But alright.

"Broken Arrow" was the name outsides gave this place.

Outsides? Is this your own phrase, or do you mean outsiders?

If hunger doesn't kill me, Cross mused, boredom will.

But isn't she at home? So isn't that a sort of safe and happy place with enough food?

drowsing
tribe mates could blink.

Is drowsing a word? I've never heard it before.

Alright, overall, I'm questioning your reasons for putting this on YWS. I don't know anything about your story, and I'm totally puzzled by this. I'm guessing it's not the beginning. As a whole, it seems a little rushed. You're describing their home, then her thoughts on it, then suddenly there's a comb and she's running away. I have a feeling that there's a lot of development here just waiting to happen

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x