Published February 5, 2009
All the word's a cycle,
Made again anew.
Our only purpose is to visit,
To make the word come true.
Take your partner
by the hand,
Dog or angel, wolf or man.
His message is quite simple
Once we pass the test.
All of us are orphans
Who never knew our father's breast.
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140,903 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
That makes sense, but that sort of theme isn't apparant in the poem, so it's still a little confusing. Definitely something to explore, though!
Yes, I'm remembering.
I had been going through a study of the "fighting like cats and dogs" and how they seem to blur once they come to the fox.
I'm thinking that "fox" is supposed to be the meeting of the two: girls and boys.
"Wolf" must be the bad side of boys and "cats" the same for girls.
Does this make any sense?
This poem, though little, does its job well. The rhythm works and the rhyme isn't overdone. In that sense, good work! I do have questions about a few aspects of content, however:
I'm not sure why you've chosen these specific beings, which seem to have neither connection with each other, nor connection to the greater theme of renewal of the earth? I feel like they should be contrasts. That is to say, that a wolf could be a man's contrast and a dog could be an angel's contrast? Did you mean to contrast angel/man and dog/wolf? If so, I see where you're going, and I see why you chose not to take this route; the rhyme's a little funky. Maybe try thinking not in terms of ____ or ____, but think of a different connecting word than "or"?
The other question I had about this line is why does the narrator advise the reader to take a partner by the hand? Is this partner the one who is sending the message in the second stanza? I think that if there's a little more of this unification, the poem might flow a little smoother.
This line seems oddly worded because the maternal imagery is superimposed over a paternal figure and it seems to come out of nowhere in terms of the first stanza.
Happy writing!
Hmm, nothing much to pick apart here:
Hmm, shouldn't "word" be "world'? If not, the capitalize "word."
I find these lines could be in their own stanza and expanded. Take your partner and do what?
I figure you're talking about God here (which you have done well) but still, this line sounds a little wrong to me.
~
So, first off, I find this short. You could really expand this and weave in so many emotions to really make it powerful. Emotions like devotion, loss, protection, fear and love could fit with the tone of this poem.
I find the theme nicely done. You've managed to talk about God without getting preachy, which really turns me off. Nice work!
If you have any questions, PM me.
~Rosey
All right, can you help me?
If you paired this with the right tune, you could have a good song.