April 15, 1925
Ouside Kitty Hawk, NC
Kate McAllister squinted up at the sign. "Ends Meet," it read in faded red cursive.
Impatient, Tom pulled at her sleeve. "C'mon, Kate. It's just an old secondhand shop."
"But it doesn't belong here." Kate pulled open the glass door. "Let's at least take a look inside."
Tom grumbled, but he followed her.
An elderly lady
wearing a rose-patterned dress was minding the shop. It looked like real cotton; the roses were picked out in emerald and crimson.
"Good eveing," Kate said politely. "Are you the owner?"
"Indeed," said the lady. "Forty years I've run this place."
Kate shook her head. "Forty years? Why haven't I heard of this place?"
"That's the mystery. Not just anyone can find Ends Meet, and not all the time." She tugged at her dress. "Real Colonial cotton, that is."
She must be crazy, Tom thought. Uneasy, he took Kate's hand. "It was nice meeting you, Miss... We have to go now."
"Tom, stop that! You're being rude." Kate yanked her hand away. As she did, she knocked over a magazine. She gasped. "Look! This is dated September 20, 2001!"
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
I agree with PippieDooda you could elaborate on how the shop looks inside. That would add more interest. So far it's really good. Keep it up I'm interested.
This is a really good beginning- I'm interested already even though its quite short. I hope you write more! I can't really think of that much that could be improved but there were a couple of things:
I'm not sure about the it 'looked like it was from the 18th century', I think it would be more effective to describe how the dress looks in more detail- faded, unmodern, strange cut so that you can more hint at the idea its from a different time.
And should be an.
I think it would be nice for the shop to be described a bit more and how the character feels when she enters- is their a bell above the door? Is there any music playing? Details like that.
I think its a great start to a story, I definetly want to read more of it!