The Swing,
Back and forth,
Smiling and laughing,
Sight set north.
The Swing,
Free from pain,
Flying in place,
Nothing can separate us,
Not even rain.
The Swing,
Where I feel safe,
No harm to remember,
Just a cold November.
The Swing,
Back and forth,
Where you and I are one,
Nowhere to run,
We stay together,
You make me forget,
You make everything better.
The Swing,
Back and forth,
I never want to leave,
Keep me here,
Help me breathe.
The Swing,
My time is near,
Away from you,
My biggest fear.
The Swing,
I love you so,
I never say it,
But I know you know.
The Swing,
I cry and plea,
I want to stay,
Just you and me.
The Swing,
Reality calls,
I stumble away,
No cushioned falls.
My Swing.
Emotions erupt,
Goodbye for now,
My time is up.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey I'm sorry if it threw off the flow but I wasn't trying to rhyme there haha my bad
I thought that this poem was really original and did mimic the movement of a swing, it gave you that steady feeling of motion .
My only issure is just the pattern is broken here i belive, where you did not rhyme safe with anything, if there was a reason for that, or you wernt using an abcb type pattern, im sorry for not picking it up
eg
The Swing,
Where I feel safe,
No harm to remember,
Just a cold November.
So loooved it!
Hmmm... I don't know if it's just me being too much sensitive, but I really think your poem sounds like a swing...
Maybe it's the repetition of "the swing" in each stanza.
But I think you should reconsider the punctuation here:
I don't know if this was your intention to put this many commas so the poem will REALLY sound like a swing...
Anyway, I loved it!
And the pictures! AMAZING!
Congratulations
Sorry if I can't help more
Let us hear from you again soon.
Hi! This is a pretty cool poem. It's quite an original idea, and it makes me wonder where the character has to go after getting off the swing. I think the repetition at the beginning of every stanza works pretty well, too. The only complaint I really have is that after a while, some of the stanzas don't seem to be adding anything new, and seem to be saying the same things, really. For example:
The Swing,
My time is near,
Away from you,
My biggest fear.
and
The Swing,
It's my time,
My heart aches,
No longer fine.
I think you only need one of these stanzas because they're not really saying anything different to each other. So I'd consider getting rid of one, and only adding something in its place if there's something new you want to add. Other than that, I like the idea, and I like the poem.