Published March 31, 2008
Thoughts gone astray,
Thoughts gone dark,
Silent are my prayers,
Before I make a mark.
Pulled out of darkness,
Strangely I arise,
Cloudy mind uncomprehending,
Looking with slightly different eyes.
Hope anew comes,
Greatfully I latch on,
Softly shedding tears,
Thoughts of pain gone.
Soon feelings fade,
Dread settles in my heart,
Waiting watchfully,
What joy will soon part?
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Wow. This was really a good piece. It made me shiver slightly, but at the same time, it was nice.
Good job.
Hey that reminds me of one of the storys I wrote....this girl stood by a dark ally knowing that something was going to happen...something bad and Boo! out of nowhere she was pulled into the dark as shadows closed in around her.....scary*shiver*
Mabe great minds co think alike....
-em
Great poem and nice details. The only thing I would recommend is adjusting your meter a bit so it flowsmore smoothly. Simple edits like changing "Thoughts of pain gone." to "Thoughts of pain now gone." should do the trick. You might also want to try expanding the poem a little. Besides that you had an overall gret piece. Keep writing!
That was a wonderful poem. The only thing I would change would be the sentence: "Hope anew comes, " to maybe "Hope comes anew" just so it wont sound so awkward.
But of course I know this is a poem and it's your own work. So if you don't change it, it will still be perfect.
I enjoyed reading your poem,
Trick---->