Pebbletown Christmas - Chapter 1

by Steggy

Published December 1, 2015

In Christmas Stories and Stuff

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“Now, in the spirit of the festival holiday, I give everyone a small decorative ornament!” The mayor of Pebbletown, shouted. He shot his mouse hands over his head, letting the crowd of other small animals, cheer in delight. Behind him were mice pulling thousands of ornaments, each different colors and each with a different theme. They, then walked down the aisles, where the grabby hands of the townsfolk, were reaching. The mayor of Pebbletown, smiled to himself reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a gold pocket watch. He grunted, forcing a smile upon the crowd. It was the same old every year and after sometime, being mayor of the town and celebrating Christmas. He had the plan of cancelling Christmas, even his advisors agreed: it was just getting more and more boring in the past years.

After the celebration was concluded, the mayor of Pebbletown scurried off to do mayor things. The trees were lit, the smell of peppermint was in the air, and the very last of the tiny townsfolk walked around, showing off their ornaments. Some had even put them on the tree, with easy care and the longing memory of that time and place.

It was snowing very lightly and the air was getting colder and colder, as night wore on. The mayor of Pebbletown skipped along the routes, enjoying the scenes and often looked down at his gold pocket watch.

“I mustn’t be late!” he had thought to himself. He had edged himself away from the city, heading into the darkest, deepest part of the woods. The lights and peppermint smell were replaced with dead oaks and tangy pine, rotting trees and wet leaves. The sky was littered with stars, each brightly twinkling and owning their own pattern. No two stars were alike. The mayor of Pebbletown scurried through the forest, under cold leaves and through broken logs that filtered the moonlight through. His glossy brown mouse coat, was dirtied and damp from running about. In the distance, was a cottage, grey smoke rising from the brick chimney. The mouse sighed heavily. “I wasn’t late.”

When he got to the cottage, the mouse could hear the loud laughter and smell hot chocolate from the creaks of the door. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. The laughter inside stalled for a moment soon becoming a whisper. Voices seemed to be arguing about the door, increasing the volume of their whispering before being shushed. Finally, a duck by the name of Jolly, opened the door. She looked left and right, as the duck felt a tugging on her skirt.

When she looked down, the duck hadn’t expected the mayor to come.

“Hello, mayor! What a pleasure surprise for you to be here. Come in!” Jolly insisted, holding the door open. When the mayor got inside, he shivered as the sudden temperature warmed his insides. There was a fire lit, crackling and burning the wood inside. Many of the animals inside the cottage were drinking hot chocolate, steam rising up to greet their face. The duck that had let him in, had wandered over to two rabbits. They were chuckling and having a good time, along with everyone else in the room.

Many of the animals recognized the mayor, talking to the mouse while the dogs exchanged dirty looks. The dogs were the higher, upper class, each with a personal buggy and each with their personal style. The mouse went all around that night, not making a sound, as the snow outside fell to the ground.

When the night was almost over, Jolly gathered everyone in for a toasting of the New Year and Christmas. The mouse was cheering from a seat on the couch, raising his small paw in the air. Next to him was his wife, Mrs. Mayor of Pebbletown and she too was raising a small paw into the air.

“Isn’t this great, Mayor?” she had asked, taking a sip of apple cider.

“This is truly something else. If I had signed that paper, none of this would’ve happened. Christmas would be canceled!”

Many of the party goers left, saying their goodnights and farewells to Jolly. The only two animals left were Mayor and Mrs. Mayor of Pebbletowen. Jolly smiled, lifting out her wing as the two mice jumped on. The fire had died down a little, making most of the room dark and little colder every time. In the kitchen, Jolly let the mice gather the leftover cheese, grapes, and breads for their late-night dinner. She even lit a candle for the two, then waddle off into her bedroom to read. Mayor and Mrs. Mayor of Pebbletown nibbled softly on their fair share of Jolly’s meal as well as drinking the leftover now cold, hot chocolate.

They discussed the important matters of Christmas as well as what Pebbletown will be doing. The mouse’s wife knew he had tried to cancel it, since the dogs had came up with an idea for no joyfulness or colors. It would only be pitch black. They didn’t like the babies running about in the snow and making snowmice. The dogs would stay inside their houses, reading books, and ignore the outer world. From a perspective, some of the animals of Pebbletown hated Mr. Mayor as thinking he was the one who proposed it and didn’t enjoy Christmas.

However, none of the animals would suspect such a higher class like the dogs and sometimes pondered if it was the lower class of small rodents and birds. They seemed to be the easiest to pick on.

Soon after the mice had finished their dinner, they curled in their little home of small blankets (handkerchiefs) and pillows (cotton balls). The mayor drifted off into mid sentence while Mrs. Mayor was already asleep to begin with. 

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
EverStorm
Review
EverStorm wrote a review Review · Dec 2, 2015

This is such a cute story! First I have some questions.
1) What age group are you aiming this at?
2) Is this a story, a chapter book, or a middle grade book?
3) Is this the end, or is this just the end of the first chapter?

I love the idea! There are SO many great books told from the point of view of a small animal. This has real potential.

To begin, the first thing I noticed was your opening sentence. It's sweet, but a rule of mine is never open with dialogue unless its intense or really interesting. Like "George, I hate to tell you this, but your boy Jimmy was in an accident." Maybe try opening it with the mayor glaring, or grumbling under his breath about how much he hated snow and then slap a happy face on and make him pretend he's happy. Your opening sells the story. I can remember how many times I've read a story and wanted to put it down atfer 2 seconds because it wasn't interesting from the get go.

Next, it took me about half the story to figure out that the mayor was an animal. I honestly thought he was a person that could talk to animals. Maybe you could make that a little more obvious.

Also, I feel like the story was over really quick. (maybe it's just me because I'm in the middle of writing a novel haha) but you could definitely expand on the party scene and make a bigger deal of the mayor having his 'ah ha' moment where he realizes he loves Christmas.

I really liked your story! It has great potential, and I think it will turn out great! Tell me if you rewrite it or if the next part is published!

RaeOfSunshine

User avatar
Jpwriter
Review
Jpwriter wrote a review Review · Dec 1, 2015

I love it, even though it's not Christmas yet and have a thing against hearing stuff about Christmas at least two weeks before but this probably the only exception to this fact because I love it. It so happy you present smells and sounds perfectly. You do a great job of presenting a potential villan "the dogs". I think you could have added a few more descriptions of things but otherwise keep going and please perhaps turn this into a full fledged book it would be great

Steggy replied · Dec 1, 2015

Thank you! :D



Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
— Ann Landers