I felt the wind through my hair, the sweet smell of flowers wafted over my nose and I smiled. Everyone around me was too busy doing something to notice how happy I was. I even gave a few smiles not wanting to be selfish and hog all the happiness. They didn't smile back but I didn't care. For tomorrow I would be in a happier place. The air was so fresh on the 4th floor of my complex; I could see all over town and smiled again as time spun past on my watch. Ah what a beautiful moment the next few moments would be, the wind rushed up my shirt and bathed my face, I smiled again.
I did it! I took that step forward. The earth fell from beneath me. I felt weightless, the world had got off my back, everyone’s words leaked out of my head and all I could do was smile. The last thing I remember was the drop on my forehead... Was it raining? Or could one fall faster than ones tears?!
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
A good work mate...
But you have arranged it in such a way that it looks like a short story...
Better try using some punctuations and slice the lines and make them shorter....
By the way welcome to YWS...
Keep up the good work...
PM me for anything...
Hello there.
It looks like you are a new member so being pretty harsh might not be a good thing. Since you posted this in poetry category, I hope you're quite aware of the principles or rules you should follow or know. First of all, the structure should be in stanzas not in paragraphs. Or perhaps, if this is a short story, then you have placed this in the wrong place. ^^
Like this:
I felt the wind through my hair,
the sweet smell of flowers wafted
over my nose and I smiled.
Everyone around me was too busy doing something to notice how happy I was
Anyways, I would be glad to read this when you edit this one out again. If you have any questions, just let me know... shoot me a PM or something.
Last but not the least, Welcome to YWS!
Peace out,
Yuri