A scene from A Thespian's Musings...
Scene: open-mic night.
Nobody gets it. I don't understand. Why doesn't anybody realize that this is my cry for help? I tripped. I stumbled. I fell. You can't ignore these bruises. They're here for everyone to see. It was an accident. I wasn't watching where I stepped. Maybe if I stood at a microphone and screamed it to the world...he's hurting me.
In the crowd, Father claps the loudest.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Sometimes, the shortest works are the most powerful. That's the case for this piece right here. I have never been victim to physical abuse resulting in bruising and other sorts of obvious "war wounds," but I can imagine it would be Hell to go through when no one realizes the scene that is in action mere rooms or even steps away. You wrote this so well, although it wouldn't be a good review without some nit picking.
What I don't understand is exactly what is being said. It's open mic night, yes, but what is going on on stage? Is that what this person is saying on stage? Or is it something completely different? What is the open mic for? what is this person performing?
Like I said, it's an amazingly written piece, there just needs to be some clarification on the exact scene.
Hey! The bulky part is the character speaking. Then the last line occurs when she's done. It's just him/her telling the audience what's happening to her, then being applauded for her "performance." They don't realize what she's trying to get at.
Thanks a bunch! Have a nice day
Hello, DarkHeart! Griff here for a short review.
This is very interesting and thought-provoking. However, I am not sure what it is based on. What is "a Thespian's Musings"? I know it is the name of some of your previous works, but I'm not sure what it means. I know what a Thespian is. Drama, yes. But is it meant to be acted out or is it really just supposed to be the thoughts of an actor?
Besides that, though, this was really good. It was short, but packed a meaningful punch. What I got out of it is that the person is abused or made a horrible mistake, and the father is either the cause of this, or oblivious. It was really good. I really enjoyed the last line, especially.
The only grammatical problem I see is in the final line.
In this, "father" should either be capitalized or be "the father". Other than that, grammar was great. I think the length of this was perfect, although I felt some more background would have helped me understand it more. I am not sure of the setting or what actually happened. This may have been your intention, but it distracted me from the work.
Overall, great job! Can't wait to see more of your works out there!
Keep writing and being amazing!
~GC
Hey there! Thanks for reading, reviewing, etc. it means a lot
I'll clarify a few things for you:
The character is using the open microphone to tell everyone what's been happening. It just doesn't work out.
I'll correct it right away! Thanks again
No problem! That's what I assumed was going on, it just wasn't completely clear. It was great, though.
Why, thank you! You're too kind