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How to Write a Poem

by StaticScum


The first draft is always a full tin trash can

On fire. With flames so far-reaching, they

Tickle many distant stars into giggling.

*

At draft two, the flames shrink

Leaving you only a few

Trillion stars still snickering.

*

By draft one hundred, the fire dies and lays

Vanquished! All the stars fall silent and stare at your

Still very tightly tucked in tin trash can.

*

By draft two hundred and one you've finally done it!

Maybe. You ripped out all the trash in your garbage and underneath it all

Glittering and glowing, a shiny

Toothpick. A title!

*

When you run out of numbers, you'll finally have a floor

Woven together with many, many golden toothpicks that you

Gracefully Gorilla-glued together with much love and

Care. The stars now scream a stream of praises as you continue

Working on the floor's roof

And walls.


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12 Reviews


Points: 107
Reviews: 12

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Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:04 am
Tylexie wrote a review...



I laughed at "Trillion stars still snickering." I'm guessing we were all expecting only a few stars, but no. It was trillion, and humorous. I also laughed when you skipped to draft 100. And when you talked about working on the roof and walls. This is such a true poem, though, and the humor makes it fun and entertaining to read. I hear this poem told a certain way, and you constructed that through the great structure of this poem.

I only think that

Gracefully Gorilla-glued together with much love and
Care. The stars now scream a stream of praises as you continue

sounds kind of stilted. Maybe care should have its own line? Or maybe you meant it that way; I'm probably missing a hidden meaning you added there. Or maybe not... oh well. But I also think that both of these lines seem like the amount of syllables increased, and that also makes it seem stilted. But mainly, it's just the care thing.




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Sun Oct 29, 2017 1:40 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Have you ever actually written 200 drafts of a poem though? I feel like that'd get a bit insane (unless you count every edit as a new draft)... Yeah I think I would hate any poem after rewriting it that many times.

Anyways, on to the review! I'm going to kind of go in random order as I see critiques and praise although I normally try to be a bit more organized...

First, I appreciate the gorilla-glue reference. You could use a little bit more consistency between the stanzas (as far as line-length and content) but honestly maybe that added to the humorous effect. Also I don't think the capital letters at the beginning of each line are helping at all with flow. In fact, it sort of highlights the end portion of the sentence that falls into the next line in an awkward way... Here's a great resource on capitalization on poetry that can do more justice to the conversation than I can - but I highly recommend it! Capitalization in Poetry

As far as the overall humor effect of the poem, I think you succeeded. The poem made me smile as a fellow poem writer and knowing how much work goes into pulling a poem together to be sort of presentable. ;) The last stanza (although having good alliteration) seemed to be a whole new poem - I couldn't quite figure out why it was attached to the rest of the piece. I see the "toothpick" connection, but it almost seemed like a minor point that ended up getting blown out of proportion and became distracting for me interpretting the rest of the piece. Again, there's a good possibility that you did this on purpose to be ironic. I would suggest however that if you're going to spend so much time on talking about writing poem-titles, then go ahead and make yours for this poem even more random and ridiculous to really capitalize on the satirical nature of the poem.

My last critique is that the "flaming-dumpster" metaphor feels a bit stiff and overused, is there a way you could make it more obnoxious or ridiculous to make it more engaging? Like maybe describe the flames in greater detail, or the stench of the trash?

Overall, a short-sweet and funny poem. Best of luck in your future writing, and let me know if you had any questions about my review or interpretation.

~alliyah

This Review was brought to you by Team Werewolves. Happy Review Day!




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Sun Oct 29, 2017 1:28 am
Mathy wrote a review...



Wow. Just, wow. This is ZeldaIsShiek being dumbfounded again by an incredible representation of how much work it is to write a good poem. I can't really relate, considering I publish whatever pops into my brain basically the second it does, what I understand how much work it is to refine a fictional book or a Fanfiction into something less than the worst thing you've ever written, and more than the world's net value. Let's begin!

This poem really throws the reader over the bus at about the fourth stanza. I honestly expected the glittering and glowing object to be the perfect poem, but it was a toothpick. After being told this toothpick with only the title, I realized that all the hard work that had been leading up to it was nothing! My entire view on the poem shifted in the last few stanzas of it! That is truly a sign of an amazing poem and an incredible poet. Is that why? Was this just a toothpick from a trashcan?

After discovering that this glowing object was just the title, the reader might think that that was the hard part. That it would be easier from now on. However, that is not the case. The truth is that there really is no easy part, and that you now have to build a whole BRIDGE out of toothpicks! Talk about work!

This is a great poem made by a great poet. I'll continue to watch your work from now on. Keep writing! ZeldaIsShiek- Out!




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Thu Oct 19, 2017 8:25 pm
LizzieH3 wrote a review...



Hi, this is just a little review type thing because I really liked this poem. I'm new to this so bear with me and don't necessarily take everything on board if you don't want too.
First of all, obviously, poetry, as any form of literature, is susceptible to opinion, there are many famous poets that have published poems and got many different responses, so this mine of your poem:
- I really liked the imagery you used, I thought it was very original and refreshing, something that many poems lack.
- I also liked the use of extended metaphor with the stars, I found it very relevant and you seemed to have a lot of fun using it in imagery which is the most important thing when writing humorous poetry.
- The only criticism I can think of is I think you could play up the comedy a bit. I think you should maybe remind us a bit of the comedy side of it every few lines, I feel as though you slip into the imagery a lot, but as I love this imagery you should keep it, maybe add lines in between that bring us back.
Otherwise, I love the poem a lot, please tag me in your next one because you are really good.




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Mon Oct 16, 2017 9:17 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello StaticScum! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
The first draft is always {in} a full tin trash can

On fire. With flames so far-reaching, they

Tickle many distant stars into giggling.

*

At draft two, the flames shrink

Leaving you only a few

Trillion stars still snickering.

*

By draft one hundred, the fire dies and lays

Vanquished! All the stars fall silent and stare at your

Still very tightly tucked in tin trash can.

*

By draft two hundred and one you've finally done it!

Maybe. You ripped out all the trash in your garbage and underneath it all

Glittering and glowing, a shiny {gold}

Toothpick. A title!

*

When you run out of numbers, you'll finally have a floor

Woven together with many, many golden toothpicks that you

Gracefully {Gorilla-glued} together with much love and

Care. The stars now scream a stream of praises as you continue

Working on the floor's roof

And walls.


This is very accurate, except for me, I lose patience at the second draft lol. However, this is very good. Also, I would change it from humor. It didn't make me laugh, and it seemed like a very serious poem to me. I would change that to something else. Maybe satire? I don't know, it seems like you're making fun of something. Great metaphor usage. Good job.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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