Published December 16, 2011
There will be a house carved of stone,
Mahogany floors echo the sound of feet.
Light will reflect off the marble walls,
Revealing my shape at the windowsill.
The dust will settle on the worn tables and chairs
Once used, now put away, remenants of fading nostalgia
But loneliness cannot settle where I am found
Caught, waiting for a place that I call home
Memories created a home
Calling to you
Wanting Me
That faded slowly just as they did
Disappearing from me
Blinding you
But now, remembrance comes and has asked for us
Sorrow once had a garden, where my soul planted seeds
A tree bloomed; now as old as me
Pathos twisted its branches, forming a hazel green
The ground rose to see, wrapping its way up the trunk which is me
Cracks formed as you couldn't contain ground's power
But ground climed higher still to see
Thought came as a wind and tried to blow ground away
Still ground clutched tightly to our hazel of green
Ground cleared our eyes to the answer, revealed
Memories created a home
Calling to me
Wanting you
Which faded slowly just as we did
Disappearing from you
Blinding me
But now, remembrance comes and asks for us,
And did we reply?
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141,367 Literary Works • 674,382 Reviews
Home, sweet home, huh? Hiya this is Al, giving a Revue.
About this poem: you're a great idealist because you made something which exemplifies a feeling of longing that everyone feels. We are in love in some ways, but to people. How about the homes that took care of us since we lived there. We just can't forget then, can't we? I love this because it brings back a feeling of nostalgia and homesickness. Great work making the message, theme and content
I' also happy because of the creativity you poured out in the poem. It's great because the imagery was very clear, thanks to the many words and colorful adjectives you managed to pull through. I also like how you connect each stanza to another; no missing fragment on this one!
I see no flaws in the poem, great work. And I feel the emotion in it. The memory that kept us alive now calls us, but we didn't reply. Great message there. But how about changing some words to more themed ones? There are some words that works perfectly in some genres, y'know. I think if you added those words, you can make one of the best poems here at YWS!
Your Quick Critic,
Al
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It was different and unique. It had depth and beauty beyond this life. I didn't find a single spelling error, at least when I read it I didn't. And your grammar was really amazing.
But in the first stanza you seem to be talking about a house or a wall but no where else in your work do you mention that, only about the lovely tree and how the ground wanted a closer look. I didn't really understand why the first stanza was talking about a house or wall when your whole poem was comparing a what seems to be a lovely garden to you.
Also I loved how you reached out and let the reader get into your masterpiece as if the reader was there with you as you told your story. But over all, great job, keep writing, you are an amazing poet.
Your poem made me stare wide eyed and open-mouthed at the screen in awe and deep thought, truly beautiful. The way you entrance the reader with this mystical piece is amazing. I will be looking for more of your writing, it's wonderful - literally full of wonder. I also love your writing down the bottom the stuff about a presence. You have a very moving presence. Well done!