Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
(please note that I have written/typed this entry in a word file first and that I have no plans in changing anything from this)
August 20, 2015
Depressed \-‘prest\ adj 1: low in spirited; also: affected with psychological depression 2: suffering from economic depression.
Depression \di-‘pre-shǝn\ n 1: feelings of severe despondency and dejection 2: a long and severe recession in an economy or market.
Dear word file,
I have been feeling as said (or typed, whichever) at the top portion of this page. Not only have I failed the most part of the life I have been living for 12 years, but, for this year, I have managed to fail my parents numerous times. I recently took a test to prove if I really was depressed and the result was positive. This test consists of 18 questions, all of which asks you about life problems that a depressed person would have been facing. You are given the choices of: Not at all, Just a little, Somewhat, Moderately, Quite a lot and Very much.
You must have 9 or less points to show that you do not have depression, 10 to 15 points shows you have possibly mild depression, 18 to 20 shows that you have borderline depression, 22 to 35 mean you have mild to moderate depression, 36 to 53 for moderate/severe depression and 54 and up show you have severe depression. My score was a 60.
What?!
There is this part of me, which was surprised to find out that I was severely depressed yet there is this other part of me who was aware of this disorder. This other side is probably looking at the first side of me amused, brows up and mouthing “I told you so”.
I had always felt as if I had not belonged, no matter where I went. I would always tell myself that fitting in isn’t always good, but, there are some days where I ask myself why I can’t just be normal. Why do I have to be different?
“I tell people I’m tired, but in fact, I’m depressed. I tell I’ll be fine tomorrow, but I know I’ll be worse. I tell lies everyday and I know, I won’t be able to stop by myself”
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,343 Literary Works • 674,363 Reviews
Hey there, StagesofInsanity! cleverclogs here for a Review Day review, representing team Phi!
I'm pretty sure that this is an author's note. If it's not, feel free to ignore what I'm about to say. If it is, then you have a pretty bad attitude about writing. Since this needs to get out of the Green Room, I'm going to review it anyway and hope that you change your mind. You should always post stuff looking to improve it.
I'm kind of a sucker for things that start with a definition. I don't know why, but it really pulls me in, so I like the start you have here.
I don't like the part in parentheses. The rest of this entry has a very formal feel to it, so the bit in parentheses just feels very out of place. I'd recommend removing it.
I also agree with the previous review about putting "depressed" in italics. It feels unnecessary. I'm not sure why you did it. If there's a reason, feel free to correct me.
So, the test that the narrator took sounds like one of those online depression tests. I guess that the narrator missed the part at the top that usually says something like, "this test is NOT an official diagnosis, only a qualified professional can diagnose you with depression". It always seems a bit arrogant to me when people self-diagnose, and while I'm sure that this person does in fact have depression, it still strikes me that way. Maybe instead, you can have them realize that they need to see a doctor (or psychologist or whatever) to be diagnosed. Something along those lines.
The grammar in this was mostly good, although there were a few missing words here and there. It's nothing that can't be fixed with a bit of editing. I'd recommend going through this and looking for mistakes. I'll leave that up to you, since I don't really like combing through pieces looking for mistakes when I'm reviewing.
I think another problem with this is the way it's written. It sounds a little pretentious and world-weary for a twelve-year old. I was the same way when I was like, eleven, though, so I guess I can understand. But I think that the narrator would be a little more worried, and that they'd show more emotion than this person does.
Overall, this was a pretty good read, but I think it needs some work. I do hope that you change your mind and decide to edit this. That's really what writing is all about. Keep on writing!
Thank you for your review. I greatly appreciate this and I will edit it and try to improve.
Hello, StagesofInsanity! Artemis here for Review Day. Go Team Zenith!
The first sentence, after "Dear word file," was a little bit confusing. I had to read over it a few times before getting a little understanding. I would suggest that you reword it a bit.
The italicization of "depressed" is unnecessary. At least that's what I think. We know that you had a 60 on the depression test and everything, and I don't believe that you need italics there.
"There is this part of me, which was surprised to find out that I was severely depressed yet there is this other part of me who was aware of this disorder."
This part is also a little weird. "I tell I'll be fine" doesn't make sense. Did you mean to put "them" between "tell" and "I'll"? And I think that you should put "by" before "tomorrow", just to make it flow a little bit easier. The second sentence of this quote also doesn't make sense to me, would you mind explaining that and rewording it so I can comprehend it a little bit better? Oh, and put a period after "myself".
"I tell I’ll be fine tomorrow, but I know I’ll be worse. I tell lies everyday and I know, I won’t be able to stop by myself"
This was a strangely good read. I don't think you should rate it 16+ for language though, as I didn't catch any. However, I liked how this went and your voice was very strong. The title drew me in as well. Good job!
-wisegirl22
Thank you for your review. I will probably edit it, as there were some mistakes because I was in a hurry.
Oh, thanks.