Squishy wrote:Hey yall. I wrote this but didn't review (I'm sorry! Writer's sin!) so tear the thing apart and edit like mad!
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She stood in the doorway, hot air sticking to her scalp and humidity clinging to her body. The night was hot. Warm, pulsing, her blood surged in her veins as her mind searched for an escape from the heat.
The sun had just set and twilight lingered, staining the sky red and crimson against black space. Fireflies darted through the air, streaks of light straining her retinas to see where they flew.
She was sixteen, hair pulled up into a bun and dress stained with berries from making pie. She doesn't know the year, only the century. 1100's; later. The Catholic church an emerging prominent power.
And yet it is the Catholic church that will marry her tomorrow. The Catholic church binding her to a man twice her age. It was the Catholic church that kept her from the man she loved. The Catholic church that kept him away.
Sister stirs behind her in the cradle. She hears Mother get up to ease the infants troubles. Sixteen, never been kissed. Going to get married. Going to have children herself.
She took one step out into the night. Mother had warned her of going out alone. Demons still roamed the country side. Animals with teeth, tearing into skin and ripping out hearts.
But as she thought, she really didn't even care if her heart was torn away.
More steps, she hears Mother get up but then sit back down, letting her go. Night consumes her. Darkness, instead of twilight, paints the sky.
Soon, the light and fire of the sun is gone and dullness illuminates the landscape. She is engulfed in blackness, feels the darkness around her. She is no more herself; she is the landscape. Just like the demons who prowl here.
She keeps walking into the field. Whispers in the wheat behind her. She ignores the oncoming being.
Heart racing, pulse surging under her frail skin, steps keep dancing forward. She hears it's breathing; she hears the footsteps pounding towards her, behind her.
She feels a cold hand slide up her back.
"Why are you out, daughter?"
No reply. She feels the heat of the blood beneath her skin and her body raging for escape. Yet she stays.
"I've been watching you."
She'd known.
The demon walked around to face her and she saw glimmers of moonlight reflect off of his pale skin. His eyes were blood red, lips stained with the liquid of life. Back weakens, knees shake, she falls forward into the demon's arms.
He picks her up, no more than inches from the crimson fangs.
She can't tear her grip from the eyes.
He gently leans forward and touches his lips to hers.
The cold begins to numb her mouth.
Hands slide down, holding her up.
She feels daggers stab into her tongue, salt filling her mouth and spilling down her dress.
Twilight engulfs her vision, bright light from the heavens, and she sees and feels no more.
I really liked the beginning part about her eyes. I also liked how she cared so much about her true love and the dark world she lives in. I basically like everything about this. It kept me interested the whole way though. Great job![b]
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