its monday again
its not friday
theres no wifi
my grades
theres a test coming
im going to die one day
school tomorrow
i got to get up
i cant
what do i do now
can i die?
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hey Squirtlepowiee! I've got to admit, I loved reading this! I'm in junior year of high school right now, so I relate extremely. Anyway, here's a few notes!
What're your grades doing in this story? Are they falling, rising, or what? I can infer you mean to tell your reader they're falling based on your mention of a test coming, but I think it wouldn't hurt to show what exactly the grades are doing in this instance.
And honestly, that's all I really have to say! Like I said, I loved reading this! Obviously there's the grammatical mistakes of no capitalization and the lacking of commas, but those mistakes remained consistent and it seemed your piece was designed that way. Great job on this one!
Hey, ScythMeister here to review!
I will be honest and say this is pretty much how everyone's Monday begins, including my own! I believe you portrayed a modern teenager's anxiety about the day wonderfully, although I will comment on the "Can I die?" part.
It is without a doubt that teenagers are dramatic (hopefully you're writing in that mindset) and I think it was somewhat acceptable that you included "I'm going to die one day" on the sixth line, but the ending sentence being "can i die?" was questionable for me. It made the work seem more deep than it should be (as though the person may have mental health, for example).
I would have commented on the grammar but I think the avoidance of capitalisation was perfect for this type of poem.
Good job and Keep writing!
- ScytheMeister
I'd just like to say, this perfectly reminds me of my wife's younger sibling.
Stellar.
I think that this is exactly how I feel! You've really encompassed that Monday feeling of omfg just NO!! I love the cool indented line effect, almost like you are descending into despair when you read it, just like the speaker is. Very relatable!
Hey Squirtlepowiee! No, the speaker of this poem may not die! Monday is truly terrible, but not as terrible as not getting to see plants or the sunrise in the morning!
Anyway, this is a semi-serious review, for a work that may (or may not be) serious.
This is great. We all have that feeling, and thus, this is very relatable. I think you could push yourself more -- continue more, go deeper in the rabbit hole, really make this into something. Really make it feel as chaotic as we all know it feels.
Usually, I'd nitpick grammar, but I think it fits perfectly in this poem.
I wish you would've continued down the "stairwell" perfectly, and, again, dug deeper for more. Focus more on why it sucks and the feelings these draw from you.
Good poem. 10/10 IGN.
Always keep writing.