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Young Writers Society


12+ Language

Choice to Change: Danger in a Safe Haven

by SpiritedWolfe, Noelle


A/N: The Wolfe in this story is very different from SpiritedWolfe. She is not male, she cannot handle weapons and she is not badass. That is all.

Slamming his own down, Wolfe growled, "Pick up your damn phones!"

"You haven't talked to anyone?" Lili asked.

"No, no one," Wolfe said, letting out a long sigh. "Not Adri, not Pomp... not even Nate! How else are we supposed to tell him we'll be out a few days?"

"How will I get to share this with my friends if they don't know to come?" Lili pouted.

"Guess we'll have to go ourselves and tell them later. Mind telling me where we're going, exactly?"

"The woods," she responded, bouncing on her toes. "I told you about that house. Never seen it before."

While Wolfe dialed another number into the phone, he rested against a wall of the small cabin that faced the door. His repsonse to Lili was curt. "That doesn't explain why you want to drag me along."

"The sign says free hugs! I want everyone to know!" Why couldn't he been more excited? The second she had come back from walking in the woods, she had ran right to tell him everything. She had expecting a grand reaction. For some reason, he had been less than impressed, but eventually agreed to go along with it.

"You and your free hugs," Wolfe said with an eye roll. "What's this house look like, at least?" As he listened to the ringing, he couldn't hold back a glare. Of course Lili was sweet, innocent. But she was too much so, and she needed him as a guardian. That's the only reason he agreed to the journey... and also the infuriating phone calls to gather interest.

"It's really cool! But I'm not telling you about it." She giggled. Why would she ruin the surprise? Of all the times she had been in the woods, she'd never come across the house. It was built into the side of a small hill. She wondered how many others had been to that same place. Why hadn't she discovered it sooner?

"HATT, I SWEAR TO GOD, PICK UP THE PHONE."

With a bang that echoed around the relatively empty room, the phone was thrown onto the floor. "Let's go," commanded Wolfe. "I'm done." He snatched up a half packed sack of food and a dagger, then marched out the door.

Before following him out, Lili bent down to pick up the phone. She pressed a few buttons, then placed it gently onto the counter. "You broke it," she mumbled.

She had to run to catch up to him. The dagger hanging from his hand didn't make her feel better. There was nothing to be worried about. She'd never seen any danger out here before.

While Wolfe tromped on, grumbling strings of curse words under his breath, Lili tugged at his arm. "You're going the wrong way!"

Glancing up, Wolfe looked at the clearly marked path that he had ordered her to stay on at all times. How could he be taking them the wrong way?Unless... Whirling around, he pointed to the looming, thicker forest to their right. "It's in there?"

She nodded excitedly, but Wolfe's harsh glare made her lower her gaze.There were supposed to be dangers deeper in the woods, Wolfe made sure to warn her of that. Depsite that, she wandered there anyway, evetually traveling there more often then she did the path. The path was boring and uneventful. None of the animals ever spent time there, while the deeper she went, the more there were.

Wolfe wasn't happy. No, he was beyond not happy. He gripped the dagger until his kuckles turned white and clenched his teeth so hard his jaw ached. But he took the girl's hand anyway and grudgingly lead her into the looming trees. Something in him just couldn't say no to her.

"Which way?" he said, struggling to hide his irritation.

"That way!" Lili tugged him to the right, giddy from his sudden change in heart.

Lili looked so at ease in the shadows of the trees, where the leaves blocked out the sun and anything could lurk. It only succedded in infuriating Wolfe more. How could she so directly go against my orders? He often wondered if Lili even heeded him. What if a bear attacked, or a snake bit her and she died?

He wouldn't know what to do with himself if that happened. Would it be his fault? He wouldn't be there to control her, but he- he should have been, right? That's what a guardian did.

A rustling in the bushes caused him to stop in his tracks and grab Lili. He pulled her up against his chest and held his dagger out. Whispering into her ear with a harsh tone, he ordered, "Stay here."

She started to sputter, trying to assure him it couldn't be anything, but Wolfe snuck forward, scanning the brush for any more movement. Whatever was in there lurking and seeking to hurt Lili was in for a world of pain. Aiming to throw the weapon, he stood still as a stone and waited for the next rustle.

When it came, he hurled the dagger without a moment of hesitation and sprung forward for a relentless attack. Until he heard the high pitched chirp of a dying animal. A quick search through the brush showed that Wolfe's dagger had impaled an innocent rabbit.

"What was it?" Lili asked, coming up behind him. A part of her was terrified. She had never ran into any trouble in all of the time she spent in the woods. She knew that Wolfe wouldn't attack unless it was something serious though.

"Just a silly rabbit," he said, relieved. He had been expecting something worse. But when he turned, the look on Lili's face made him pause. There was sadness in her eyes and her mouth was gaped open. What was wrong with her?

"You killed it," she squealed. "A fuzzy bunny. How could you?"

It was his turn to sputter. "Oh, uh... Lili, I didn't-- I thought it was--" His mind drew a blank on how to comfort the girl. "We can eat it so it doesn't go to waste."

She tilted her head in slight confusion as the words started to dawn on her. "Eat it...?" A look of horror spread across her face as she cried out, "No! Don't!" Tears streamed from her eyes at the thought of such a horrible thing.

Taken aback, Wolfe didn't know how to respond. Before he'd met Lili, it was a normal occurence for him to eat animals, that was his way of life. Slowly, his thoughts turned to how innocent the girl still was. "I'm sorry, Lili. Please--"

As he tried to reach out to embrace her, she stepped away, glaring at him through the tears blearing her vision. He knew how much she cared about animals, and there he was suggesting that they eat one he'd just killed. The words came out before he thought them through, as he often forgot her sensitivity.

Tears still fresh on her face, Lili took off into the trees, determined to get as far away from him as possible. Whatever apology was about to be attempted, it would have to wait. She couldn't even look at Wolfe without seeing the crumbled rabbit at his feet. It wasn't something she wanted to be reminded of.

She knew that he would come after her. How could he not? He always had to be one step ahead, always finding a way to be annoyingly close to everything she did. It was all because he cared, but sometimes he'd just have to trust her. If she had been through the woods and back without following the path, there wasn't any type of danger.

Wolfe watched her go, uncertain about his next move. He should've gone after her; she needed the protection. But he had hurt her enough already. She had to calm down, realize that she was being ridiculous.

It didn't take her long to find her favorite resting place. Two trees had fallen years back and formed an almost triangle with a large boulder. She liked to squeeze herself behind the rock. She felt secure, trapped. No danger would come to her here.

By then, he had lost her. Not that he was watching her go, but the sounds of her barefeet crunching the grass faded from his ears. It made his heart feel suddenly empty, like the warmth of a candle flame put out. Still, it was troubling that this hurt him so much. Why? It's not like he did something awful, compared to what he used to do.

But he'd hurt her heart, no matter how little it was.

Good god, he had become a softie. Before, he could spill the blood of five men within mintues without so much as a twist in his stomach. Now he couldn't bear a little girl crying. Perhaps he was just being ridiculous. Lili was rubbing off on him too much -- that's what it was. So, he pushed himself to his feet and grabbed his dagger. He was going after her.

As Lili sat, she bent her head back to look up at the sky. The moon had been out for a while, but the stars were just starting to peek out. She smiled. It was her favorite time of the day, right when it changed from day to night.

There was a rustling in the trees in front of her. She didn't even look up. There were always noises in the forest. It was just an animal, one that would be far too scared to come out to see her. She wished one of them would. She always wanted to meet a baby deer.

That's when the other noises started, ones she hadn't heard before. They were quiet at first and she couldn't make out anything. As it got louder, she could understand it.

"Lili, Lili, come out and play."

She'd never heard those voices before. They definitely weren't animals. Animals only talked in movies.

They repeated their chant. It was a lot of voices together, layered on top of one another. She couldn't tell exactly how many there were, but she knew they were coming towards her.

"Lili, Lili, come out and play."

She stood as they got closer. "How do you know my name?"

The voices laughed, all at once, just like they had talked. Only one talked after that though, one of the males. She could tell from his deep voice. "We watched ya. Every day ya come here. We all seen it."

Lili shifted her feet as she saw the outlines of the creatures. "I've never seen creatures like you."

Another creature, this one female, spoke next. "We hide good. We don't see humens here much. This our woods."

"This is our woods," another one of the males mumbled. He was the smallest of them all. "At least say it right."

"The woods aren't yours," Lili argued as the creatures got close enough for her to clearly see. "They belong... to everyone..." She had more to say, but she couldn't force the words out. She realized who had found her.

Trolls. She remembered seeing a picture of them once in a book, but she never imagined they would actually be in the woods.

There were five of them, each one just as ugly as the other. With a sickly green colored skin, the mud they'd roll in looked like giant spots all over. They were all much taller than her. She didn't like looking up just to see their crooked teeth baring down in crazed smiles.

Lili didn't know what to do. Where had they come from? She'd never seen the trolls there before and they didn't look too friendly. "Why are you here?"

The female troll, who didn't look much different than the males, gave Lili a smile that made her skin crawl. "Food a'int been round her much. We hungry."

The smallest one rolled his eyes. "How do you expect to get anything talking like that?"

"H-hungry?" Lili took a step back. "Don't you eat the animals?"

The largest one beared his teeth. "Nobudy more good than little girls lost in woods." Before she could take another step back, he grabbed her arm. She screamed as loud as she could. Wolfe was out there somewhere, he had to have heard her.

The troll forced its hand over her mouth. "Good gurls know quiet." She gagged at the terrible smell of its skin.

"Know when to be quiet" the smallest one corrected. "The next time we go out for food let me do all of the talking."

Lili slowly gave up hope as she struggled, realizing that there was no way she could escape. The trolls were too strong, there were too many of them. All she could do as she was being dragged away deeper into the trees was hope that Wolfe had heard her. Who else was going to help her?

Wolfe had heard it. The sound was a faint trill that rung in his ears, but after a quick thought of What was that? he dismissed it. It was a mere distraction, perhaps a bird or other creature testing thier limits as the sun comes ever closer to the horizon.

He scolded himself silently. This "adventure" was a disaster just waiting to happen, and if Lili wasn't back by his side by the time the sun set, she was surely lost to the clutches of the forest. The threat was always there, but it had never been so real as now, with her missing in the deepest parts of the woods.

Though what scared him more was the fact that he didn't know where to start. The forest was filled with scents and sounds that often overwelmed him. How would he pick out one little girl in the mush senses? Perhaps she had stormed off this way.

As he charged off, one distinct scent overpowered his nose so much that he was forced to stop again, gagging at its strength. It was one of rotting meat... and lack of hygiene. Troll no doubt. The hair on the back of his neck rose and spiked. The scent is troll.

And Lili was out there.

So many emotions that he had long since buried came spurred in him. Bloodlust, panic, fear. Like old, unwelcomed friends invading the home of his mind once more. But of course, his thoughts realized before he did that trolls come out to prowl for food. That set off a whole new reaction.

Some form of instinct kicked Wolfe into gear. It was a nice "blast to the past", remembering all the horrible things trolls could do versus the horrible things he could do. There was still the dagger in his hand and the scent still fresh in his nose. He darted after it, sprinting faster than he had in years.

Lili's heart pounded out of her chest. Where was Wolfe? It felt like an enternity was passing as the trolls kept dragging her farther and farther in and he was nowhere to be seen. What if he'd left her? Ignored her plea for help and left her to die?

She choked on a sob, trying not to swallow the rancid taste of the troll's hand over her mouth. While her breaths were short and shallow, every slight inhale brought it right back, making her want to cry and wail all over again. But she didn't. Or couldn't, really.

The smallest one spoke up. "Can we move faster? I'm starving."

"I don't walk no faster," the one next to him retorted.

"You apparently don't think much faster either," the smallest one mumbled.

Lili tried to block them out, focusing on the path they were taking her down. It seemed to gradually become more and more familiar to her. Once the group passed the ribbon tree, with the branches bending around in loops to look like a ribbon, she was suddenly sure of where they would take her.

One of the trolls snickered. "You reconize there, don't ya?"

Of course she did, remembering the glorious house of hugs she was so eager to show Wolfe. Oh, no hugs, no hugs, no hugs! I don't want hugs anymore! With one last major struggle, she strained to even more one of her hands in their grasp, but with no luck. She could only continue to make muffled sobs as the tears started to flow, then taste the bitter muck on the troll's hand as it floods her mouth.

Wolfe discovered the scent had no clear cut path, leading between trees, in slight circles and even backtracking over itself at one point. Frustration continued to bubble up in his head, as each minute passing meant one closer to sundown, one closer to losing Lili, and one closer to the trolls finding her. If they hadn't already.

As he continued along, he saw the trees become thicker, the ground being denied what little sun was left in the sky. Why was he still even following this trail? If Lili were out here on her own, she would never venture this far.

But the trolls... He hated to admit that there was any sliver of a chance that they would have her, that he only wanted to follow them so they wouldn't bother her later. Of course that wasn't the case, otherwise his feet wouldn't be flying and the panic wouldn't fuel his heart. Also, the fear. Wolfe couldn't forget the fear.

Those fears suddenly crashed around him when he saw a slight clearing. There was a small hill with a stone structure built in. Words were spray painted on the front wall, reading, "Free hugs! Come inside!" The stench led inside, there was no fighting it. Gripping the blade tighter, he remembered all the other jobs he did before ducking inside.

The first thing Wolfe noticed was how vast it was. There was more than enough space to house a couple of trolls. And then he saw them: five trolls standing in a tight circle, mumbling to each other. The largest of them all was holding a little girl in his grasp.

Lili.

All of the anger already boiling inside of him increased. The dagger suddenly felt like a feather in his hand. He was going to get Lili out.

He swung the weapon at one troll, then the other, not letting them even get a defensive swat in. He saved the largest troll for last, as he didn't want to lose Lili again. When he rounded on it, the troll dropped her in order to fight back. One swift stab of the dagger and it was laying on the floor with the others, all of them dead.

Wolfe scooped up a still terrified Lili in his arms and took off back into the woods. Her tears dripped onto his neck as she buried her face in it, but it didn't bother him. All that mattered now was she was safe.

He didn't stop until they reached the main path. It was there that he put her down and then collapsed to the ground next to her.

"I warned you of the dangers out here," he said breathelssly. "That's why I said to stay on the path."

Lili wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I never saw trolls before."

"That doesn't mean they aren't there. A lot of creatures lurk in the woods, ones you don't even know about." And boy could he name a lot.

"This is the first time anything bad has ever happened!"

"And it might not be the last." Wolfe sighed. "My point is, you need to be careful. Trolls go after little kids because they fall for things like free hugs."

"I just really like hugs!" she whined. Wolfe couldn't hold back a smile. This was the Lili that he knew, the Lili that he would die to protect. He was hers and she was his. Without each other, life wouldn't be half as fun. Or fun at all, for that matter.

He reached over and poked her stomach, setting her off in a spout of giggles. It never failed to make her laugh.

"How's this for a hug?" He reached out and took Lili in his arms, embracing her again and never planning on letting go. She continued to giggle but wrapped her little arms around his shoulders. Finally, he said to her, "Lili. You trust me, don't you?"

"Of course I do. You saved me."

"Good. Then let me guard you, alright?"


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346 Reviews


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Sat Jul 11, 2015 1:24 am
Pretzelstick wrote a review...



Heya Wolfe (and Noelle), here I am writing a review for Rydia’s Big Review! I hope that this counts-and I don’t know the rules specifically, and I’m not trying to offend anyone, but I think that only Wolfe can judge this, just for fairness. After all, every review on this has one opinion and one vote/rating.

Anyways, let’s begin, shall we?

First Impressions

This was pretty fast-paced and actiony, because a lot of things were happening at once, and the scene just jumped from one to another. To be quite honest, it was kind of difficult to wrap my brain around all of these plotline ideas here. But I think that I will elaborate on that later there. I do however like the playful attitude of Lili, and the softening of Wolfe’s hard heart. I think that their relationship is just so cute.

Nitpicks/General

At the beginning, you were mentioning all of these YWSers, which is great, but then when Wolfe and Lili set out to go into the woods, where does everyone else go? Or what do they do, because I don’t think that they will just disappear into thin air ;) If you could explain some of that, then maybe it would dispel some of my confusion.

"You and your free hugs.”


Umm, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought that this was Lili wanting to get a hug, not give a hug. This seemed dripping with unnecessary sarcasm, because unless Lily gives away a lot of free hugs frequently, then I don’t understand why Wolfe would associate this with her. :?

Of course Lili was sweet, innocent. But she was too much so, and she needed him as a guardian.


That’s a lot of adjectives to describe Lili, in the first couple of paragraphs. Please remember, that we don’t know Lili like you, the authors do. We have just only met her, and the only thing that I can see in her, even throughout this whole entire chapter/section is vulnerability. She accepts promises and trust blindly so easily.

The dagger hanging from his hand didn't make her feel better. There was nothing to be worried about.


Does this mean that she meant worse? Because that is the logical explanation for the first sentence that you put out here. I think that you might want to reword it a little bit differently, just so that you can clarify that she has no feelings at all about Wolfe carrying a dagger. Maybe write a description of feeling neutral or none. In fact, I’d go so far to say that she wasn’t just neutral, she was confident that this dagger wasn’t going to be put in use at all.

None of the animals ever spent time there, while the deeper she went, the more there were.


This is extremely contradictory, if I am trying to interpret it correctly. A lot of animals don’t live in the deep woods, but the deeper that Lili went, the more animals she saw? :? I’m sitting here and scratching my head, because I honestly have absolutely no idea what you are trying to say here. I think that you need to write what you mean, and stick with that.

No, he was beyond not happy.


Hmm, what is this supposed to mean? I think that you could touch up on your word choice here, and use “sad” or some form or synonym of that word, just so that this is big and clear for all of the readers/reviewers.

"You killed it," she squealed. "A fuzzy bunny. How could you?"


For me, a lot of words set a certain tone, or give off a certain image in mind. When I look or read the word “squeal” I think about how someone jumps up and down. How they can squeal with joy and excitement that something happened. Everyone has a definition or a different word, so I went to the dictionary to find the official one:

: to make or cause (something) to make a long, high-pitched cry or noise
: to say (something) in a high and excited voice

I usually choose the second definition because that is how it occurs to me in my mind.

I liked how you went back and forth with Wolfe’s thoughts and Lili’s thoughts and feelings. Although I do like that particular aspect, I think that it was written pretty scattered and unorganized. I almost didn’t know which thought was which, I actually had to stop and figure it out before I kept on reading. I would recommend a smoother transition, and some label/indication of the thoughts to the characters. Maybe Wolfe’s thoughts in bold and Lili’s thoughts in italics? Or vice versa, just giving it for an example here.

That fight scene, was way too short and didn’t cast any images in my mind. I felt like you kind of just rushed over it, and the only thing that I remember is killing with the dagger. This whole fight lasted literally one paragraph, and I would like to think that this is a kind of important scene/ concept in this chapter. Expand it,drag it out, make it over. Whatever you do and however you choose to edit it, please don’t leave it as is.

Wolfe, I felt like his characterization wasn’t consistent. For me, he was a soft animal throughout this whole entire story, and you really have little to none actions of him being an annoying badass. I think that you gave this for us to understand, that he is the opposite of that, but just around Lili. For her, he is showing his weakness. Or strength of guardianship. Depends how you look for it. Just a little bit food for a thought.

He was hers and she was his.

Woah, maybe this is just me, but this quote that is above pops out as waaaaaaay too romantic. I feel like it’s just too intimate for the first chapter, and their characterization. It seems like this is giving their friendship a permanent type of setting, but you never really know what could happen.

"Of course I do. You saved me."
"Good. Then let me guard you, alright?"


I really liked a part of this ending. But just the first part, seemed like a well rounded ending. The second or official last sentence really kind of annoyed me, because it felt like much worse quality. I feel like it would be best if we just ended with Lili’s sweet declaration of trust, because that would literally sum up this whole entire chapter.

Overall, I really think that this is a cool concept and idea, it just needs some touch ups to the main events that you need to elaborate on a bit. The friendship between Wolfe and Lili seems to be blooming. I assume that this is a series, so I will be sure to at least read ahead to the next one, as I want to see what happens.

If you have any questions, you know where to find me.

~Peace Out~

/Pretzel/




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Sun Jul 05, 2015 12:52 am
EnderFlash wrote a review...



In the first line,

Slamming his own down, Wolfe growled, "Pick up your damn phones!"
, it's awkward for the object to be introduced after it's used. It may sound okay, since "his own" is revealed to be his phone shortly afterwards, but the dialogue should still come first, so readers know what "own" is referring to.

The part "he rested against a wall of the small cabin that faced the door" isn't clear. The cabin faces the door? The wall faces the door? It just doesn't flow. If the wall is 'facing' the door, it should be "he rested against the wall opposite to the door in the small cabin". Either way, it'd be easier if you mentioned the small cabin in a different sentence. The 'response' right after this line is mispelled as 'repsonse'.

Oh gosh, I'm going to start ranting again. You have a lot of grammar mistakes and awkwardly worded sentences. I recommend proofreading it once or twice.

The constant POV switch between Lili and Wolfe is extremely distracting, and should be taken out. You might want to focus completely on Wolfe first, then switch to Lili when she meets the trolls; anything's fine, as long as they're not switching every other paragraph. It would be best if there was also some form of barrier between the two POVs, like a line or a couple dots, just to show the reader that the switch is occuring.

When Wolfe kills the trolls, it's... Well, it needs to be more descriptive. Your wording makes it sound as if Wolfe randomly lashes out with his dagger and somehow one-shots every monster. The description is too quick, too sparse. Trolls are pretty big, right? A lot bigger than Lili, anyways. Wolfe would need to aim at fatal areas to kill them with a swing of a small dagger, but you don't show it. The reader has no idea what's going on. Expand on that.

I like this idea. The interaction between Wolfe and Lili is pretty endearing, and Lili's adorable. If you showed a bit more of Wolfe's rage/the trolls' possible fear, it would be even better, since we'd see the extent of Wolfe's love for his little girl. More description, more proof-reading, and this would become even better.

-okokithinkididgoodonthisreviewright-





I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights