"I'm OK." A Poem

Hiya! Space here for a review. (Disclaimer: All of my criticism is meant to be constructive, I am in no way trying to hurt your feelings or call it a bad piece of literature.)

Hm, I guess I'll start with the grammar.
The only things I saw were:

1) In "I'm not screaming that I'm not", where it's supposed to be "I'm", not "I"m", but that's a technical and common mistake. XD Plus, the sentence doesn't really flow right. Maybe edit it, or take it out all together. I get what it means, but it took me a moment to decipher it.

2) "Ok", within a sentence, should either be "OK" or just "ok".

3) The first five lines were being sarcastic, saying that the author was okay, things like that. Then there is "But I am not ok." That kind of throws the reader off, because they expect it to be sarcastic like the last couple of lines when the whole point is that the author is NOT okay. Maybe construct this part of the poem differently or word it differently.

Now, for the good stuff. And I've got to say, there's a lot more good then bad in this poem. I think you did a great job! It's really relatable, it really projects the feeling and the pain of this person. (You, I presume.)
Overall, I think it's a really good poem, and I think you have a lot of potential in your future literature pieces! I hope that I get to read them!

Good job on the poem, and I hope my advice helped you at least a little!

~Space

hello, Ash here for a review
so, just a few things before i get into what i think
"I"m not screaming that I'm not.
in the word "I'm" you need an apostrophe instead of a quotation mark.
otherwise than that thers not really anything that i can correct you on without having you change what you trying to point out with the simplicity of this poem.
overall i do think this is a good poem and you did a very nice job with wording, however, i think there are things you can do with the wording to make people more interested in this poem in general.
keep up the amazing work
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
best!
>Ash

I don't even know what to write. I am exactly the same way and my parents are so freaking ignorant. I mean they know I cut, but they just think I'm over dramatic. They think they know exactly who I am and they pretend to understand but they are blinded by the illusion that they think is me. I hate it so much. They have absolutely no idea who I am or what I feel. They're convinced that the music I listen to is the reason I cut and that they are the ones that got me to stop but that couldn't be more stupid. When I found the music I listen to know, it was a small ray of hope that had finally opened up for me. It was realization that I'm not as alone as I thought I was. It didn't cure my depression or suicidal thoughts, but it stopped my cutting so that's good, right? And it's not even just my parents. I used to be popular at school, I had a bunch of friends and everyone likes me. Now I have no friends and I'm a fat, ugly, emo, goth, stupid, wierd, demonic, crazy, overdramatic, attention seaking, quiet, selfish freak. Whenever I try to get friends now, I always end up with people who I thought like me and just suddenly turn into horrible jerks. My "best friend" literally slaps me in front of people and they just laugh because I pretend like it doesn't bother me. Okay enough depressing stuff about me. But like I said, I relate, I just smile and say I'm fine. Hey, pm me if you ever want to talk, okay?

Hello! Lake here for a review, hopefully to keep The Blue Fish in the lead! So what I noticed first is the fact that you used 'ok' quite often.

I think you should say words like, 'fine' 'great' and even 'amazing'. Those would make this definitely more intriguing, not that it wasn't!XD

So I really liked how you used "metaphors" that you personally feel everyday, I'm guessing? Especially the "I'm not cutting because I feel like it helps me." line. As someone who goes through depression and suicidal thoughts every single day of my life, I've come to realize that the only way you can get these emotions out is through cutting and even writing, so reading this line made me think of when I first did it, how terrible it felt, but how good it was to release my sadness and anger onto myself.

But then I found this website, which you seemed to have found quite quickly, and I started to write my heart out.

So I think you did great, you should write more! I look forward to it!

Keep up the fantastical work friend! I'll talk to you soon.



~ Lake

Hey Spillthetea23! Danni here for a review!
First off, it's OK not Ok, and I notice you use the latter quite a bit.
Secondly, although this doesn't really matter as much, it's better to write okay rather than OK. This isn't as important.
[quote]I"m not screaming that I'm not.[/quote.]
That should be I'm.
This was a very nice poem that describes the problems some people have. Remember to never hide your problems if you have one and ALWAYS tell someone, as that will make it go away quicker, and never cut yourself. It is unnecessary pain.
Overall, this was okay. I quite liked it.

Danni