Silence: A love bite
This story was never meant to be written.
The winter forced me to do this.
Blue is just a color.
But a blue sweater, is a random Thursday of my life.
The butterflies, no I could never talk to them.
She's flying around now, blue one.
She wants something.
Do they bite?
She brought a flower.
Placed the beauty in my hair.
Flower, ahead.
She wants that one.
Her little beautiful eyes.
I wanna walk the way.
A beautiful path.
To something she wants.
Steps. One. Then two.
Should I keep looking at the butterfly?
Proceeded to look around.
Walking over rifts. Perfectly.
A blink.
And I'm above the skies.
Still wanna complete the path.
Could feel, she is smiling.
Another long step, maybe one more.
She's going far away.
No, its me.
Blinking every time.
Cannot see her now.
Ran towards the flower.
Could feel the wind again.
Sneezing.
My eyes, frozen.
The butterfly.
Should blow this wind away.
Wind waved a goodbye.
Steps. One. Then two.
Found her.
She's flying around me.
She doesn't want the flower now.
Felt.
She was willing to see me only.
But.
I wanted the flower now.
For her.
Walking on the beautiful path.
Again.
Close to the flower.
There was no flower, just a thought.
Loved the way we walked together.
No word. Broke the silence.
Asking 'name?'.
She smiled, took the flower from my hair.
And ran away.
Till, I realised, I was walking around a flower.
All this time. The winter forced me to do this.
This story was never meant to be written.
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138,736 Literary Works • 672,265 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Somebody is in love with a woman. They give her a flower with the winter’s wish and follow her around, like a butterfly. But how far does the love extend?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I see this more as poetry than a short story, but if you want to keep it as a short story, then you may do so.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you write down this person’s longing for the woman, because it’s like they want to feel closer, but are disconnected from her. They want to give her the flower, but is the flower all that she wants? The mention of “blue” and “butterflies” makes me think of Spring, but in a more melancholy way. It’s like love.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely lyrical short story. If you ever continue this, then I will read the rest, but if this is just a standalone, then I have enjoyed it all the same and so, I wish you…
A dazzling day/night! ^v^
Hello! It’s CATS here to leave a review! Ya know, I really live romance, so this immediately caught my attention in the Green Room. Let’s splash in!
To start off, the title is very cool and interesting. Unique too, with a Tobit Of eeriness, like forbidden love or something. I would label it as more of a poem, it has lines and not paragraphs.
The work itself is full of pain and love. I love things like this. Free verse allows you to express yourself without caring about rhymes or anything.
The short sentences allow the reader to pause and think deeply over every single one.
I love the descriptions of winter, the girl, and the color blue.
Maybe separate all the time and make the winter forced me to do this into a different line, so it would be the same as the others.
Overall this poem really sparks my interest, and you have a vivid imagination and you are very good at adding details and comparison.
Can’t wait to see more!
Happy EVERYTHING!!!
Love
CATS
Thank you so much for reading, I'll post the next work soon
Wait to read your new works. Are you going to write some Halloween-themed ones?
Thank you so mucchh for reading, and I don't think I'm gonna write something anytime soon on halloween theme