z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence

The Ring i found next to a yellow sea

by Spenser


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

“Hey taxi!!” I yelled in to a sea of yellow cars, not one of them stopped. I turned away from the street and looked at my watch 7:45. If I am late again……. I tried not to think about the disappointed look my wife was going to give me when I walked in the door half an hour late. I mean what´s one more mistake, “Watch it you bum” I snapped out of my thinking to find a man in long black trench coat getting up of the ground, “gee mister I didn’t see you” I said offering him a hand.

He Took it with his left, and punched me in the chest with his right “you know, this is the first time I’ve left the house in almost seven years” I fell right in his spot on the ground “ so, if I see you again mister bum I am going to end you” he called over his shoulder as he walked away. I looked at the ground around me to make sure there wasn’t any dog shit to step in. What I found was a little golden ring, might belong to that guy I thought. The good Samaritan would have left it. I consider myself a nice guy, but a Samaritan I aint.

The walk home was pain full but I eventually got there. I live in a five room apartment in a grey building on Gallagher avenue. It’s just me my wife and kid. I walked up the steps unlocked the door and went to check if there was any mail, inside the little box with my name I found nothing but a bill from the electronics store, and the monthly edition of “This Month In Movies.”

“Eddie,” i sighed closed my mail box and turned to face William Remus. A short stocky bald little man,,

that is among other things my land lord. “How’s it going Will” I say trying my best to sound cheerful. “Awe full cheerful for someone two dimes in the hole.” Long story short Will has a poker game in his apartment every other week. And I don’t know when to quite, when I’m drunk at least. “I need some time, the advance for the book I’m writing is all most gone.” At this Will smiles, you’re not winning you fat ass, I am temporally yielding. “I have all the time in the world, eventually you’ll pay.”

Me a dead beet, you sit on your fat ass playing CoD all day, AND IM THE DEAD BEET. I got up to the last platform and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I punched the wall as hard as I could, It was like crushing a paper cup. But now came the hard part actually get my hand back. I tried pulling it back, but when I did my hand grazed something sharp. I weighed my options. Calling for help wouldn’t do any good Will would probably come, and add the expense to the rent. But I could Call Monica, and tell her to bring a hammer. That would be the best idea, as I’m pulling my little outdated sandwich phone form my coat pocket I feel it.

Furry, little legs crawling over my hand. I panicked and jerked my hand back, the wall gave and I got my hand free. I saw the spider; it wasn’t big tarantula like I thought it would be. It was just a little……………….. I rolled up the magazine cursing as I did “you don’t scare me you little piece of shit” I flattened the spider expecting to feel better. But all I felt was the burning pain in my bloody hand. I ripped a page from the magazine and tried to stop the bleeding. Luckily my door isn’t far I thought.

I checked the time before I knocked 8:30 O Monica please doesn’t be to pissed.

The door opened, my daughter was standing in the door way “hi dad”

“Hi Lexie” I said trying to hide my bleeding hand. “Mom is in the living room” she made a sort of after you gesture “and she is Wicked Pissed” she paused a second before adding “there is a sub in the fridge.”

“My hero” I stepped inside “ Monica, honey I’m home” I was expecting a curse filled reply but instead all I heard was “ Wash up, Sub in the fridge” Alexis shrugged “guess I was wrong, Need anything else just call” and then she was off to her room. I took my coat off, made sure the bandage wasn’t going to slip off and walked in to the living room.

The T.V was playing an early 80s movie called Blow Out. Monica was sitting on the sofa, the empty DvD case sat with two empty plates on the sofa table. “ I don’t want hear it Eddie, the important thing is, you’re here” I came and sat down beside her “and you’re doing the dishes“ I put my unbandage hand on her shoulder and said “alright just let me wash up”. I kissed her on the cheek, picked up the plates and walked in to the Kitchen. I rinsed the plates, got a roll of Grey duct tape and went to the Bathroom.

I passed the door to Alexis’s room on the way and I could hear the feint sound of a guitar being played. Sounds like Holy Diver. I stopped for a second to listen can’t even tell the difference, you are one Wicked Guitar player Lexie.

I got in the bathroom, put the Tape on the sink……. and got the iodine. I took my shirt of and got the magazine page out of the way. This is going to suck I thought before taking the little blue plastic bottle and pouring the liquid in to the wound. The pain spiked and I grabbed the towel rack to keep myself from screaming.

In retrospect I should have used that scotch we keep in the closet under the sink. I angled my arm like it was in a splint, and taped the wound closed. I tried to keep the wound from ripping when I put my shirt back on. Now comes the hard part, the dishes.

2

The Pain in my chest woke me up at about six the following morning. I managed to sneak out of bed without waking Monica. The tape had held the wound closed through the night, I took a few pained motions but I managed to dress in to clean cloths…. I feel like such A bad ass…. Monica would wake up in an hour or so and get to work. Alexis wouldn’t be far behind on her way to school. My job however was writing graphing novels, and the occasional manga. So I wasn’t going any were. I heated a cup of earl gray and grabbed the other half of last night’s sub.

After eating I retreated to my man cave that also served as an office. I worked on an old desktop computer I had bought at a discount from a TNT teacher friend of mine. The key Board was even cheaper, but I had written quite a few best seller on it and I didn’t feel like replacing it. I tipped toed past Alexis’s room trying my best not to wake her. So imagine my surprise when I found her sleeping on my key board, the screen showed a part of the vast library of stuff contained within my old beast. This particular library belonged to my daughter and served as a place for her essays. One thing about writing in general is your sitting position, the only part of my man cave that had been recently purchased was a black delux office chair, and Alexis’s knew that it was strictly off limits so she had brought a stool from the kitchen. I gently lifted her face from the key board, The space bar had left an imprint on her fore head. I somehow managed to pick her up…. You have gotten older Lexie that’s for dam sure…. I set her down in my comfy chair and took her place on the stool. I looked over the icons for word files. A Trilogy of fantasy romance novels she had been working, some short stories, and an essay called The people I admire most. On the table beside the computer was a piece of paper with instructions. The three people you admire most in the world humh i checked the printer and my suspicions were confirmed. A front page and a two page essay lay inside. I read it over and was pretty surprised to find I was one of the three. After I finished I read it again, after going through it a second time I went into the word file and fixed some minor spelling errors. It didn’t take me a long time, I started the printer up and that woke my daughter.

“Sh**t I’m late for school” she saw me and added “o hey dad” then she stood up and noticed where she had been sitting “I am so sorry I thought I keeled over the key board.” I walked over to the printer arranged the papers in right order and handed them to her “ its okay, I came in to do some work, you were sleeping on the key board, so I moved you to the comfy chair to take a look at what you were doing on the computer” she took the papers and looked them over to make sure I hadn’t pulled any pranks “all I did was fix some minor errors the computer didn’t catch” she looked surprised “what errors ?”

“Just small things us old people are good at catching” I looked at the clock 7:20 “you have time to do a proof reed, and if you hurry Moms will probably help you” she hugged me “ you are just awesome, thanks dad” I shrugged “It´s part of the job.” As she left I noticed the fact that I wasn’t wearing a long sleeve shirt, and my taped hand was completely exposed. And yet she didn’t ask you are the greatest daughter ever Lexie

3

Monica had left me a sticky note on the fridge to remind me of the trip to the grocery store I decided that the emergency room could wait until after. I put on the same old coat I had worn to the publishers office, grabbed the note and my wallet. Should I try and repair the wall ? No on second thought fuck that. I thought as I closed the door and locked it behind me “O Eddie how are you dear”

“Fine misses Jones, just fine”

“Where are you going?”

“Outside”

“To find yourself a real job maybe”

I Finished with the door and turned to sprint down the steps “ Miss Jones before you say something like that to a writer, Try writing a Book” I could hear her trying to come up with something to retort, but I was two far a way to hear it. I passed the whole in the wall, the spider carcase was gone, I shivered and although my chest hurt like hell I ran down the steps and out the door.

Outside the sidewalks were empty, that is if you don’t count the homeless and their like. I kept at my jog trying ignore the pain, I managed to get all the way to the end of the street where Robert sits and begs. “Top of the morning to you” I dug through my pocket finding the little Golden band, and about a buck and a half in change “Here you go, sorry the rent went up again” Robert nodded and took the Change and put it in to the black top hat sits in front of him on sunny days. ”It´s all right”

“You sure, you’re happy”

“Tiger fucking Woods, Could I inquire of you one question before you go Edward”

“Shoot”

“When does the next issue come out”

“Putting the finishing touches on the third draft, and I’m meeting with the artist over the weekend, so shouldn’t be more than a month or two”

“Good, something to look forward to”

“Till next time governor”

“Till Next time Robert”

I turned from Robert and kept Jogging.

Isaac Rykov had run” AT ISAAC” for as long as I had lived on West 83rd. But all that aside it was just a big box with a glass front. As I walked through the parking lot I noted a Bright Red and yellow pick up with a vulgar name written in pink, guess there’s a Tarantino fan in the shop today. A Rusty silver bell barely managed to cling when I opened the door, Isaac was standing behind a wooden counter that had once been green, but the color was faded. We Exchanged nods, I was going to pick up a basket and start shopping but Isaac waved me over. This better be quick “So how you doing old friend” Isaac went and got something out from under the counter. It had faded from white to a brownish yellow “A present to celebrate your publication” that was three years ago, “Why thank you” I opened the envelope to find a card and a wad of bills, I took the card and read it “One Complimentary Nastrovia.”

“Wow would you really let me speak Russian in your store” I asked. As a response Isaac handed me a shot of vodka then he poured himself one, we both raised our glasses and sounded of “NASTROVIA” I downed my shot and felt relieved to feel the burn of the Alcohol. Isaac pointed toward the bills “O sorry” I said as I hurriedly showed the envelope in to my jacket pocket. “Right thanks Isaac” he nodded and I was off on a safari to find some milk, cheese, soda pop, and spaghetti.

4

I cannot help and dam my sweet tooth to hell. Because when I was coming up to the soda cooler, to grab two cases of Mello Yellow, the man in the black coat was there. “O mister bum” he said right before decking me in the chest-twice as hard as before I might add-and storming off. “Stay right there mister bum” he called over his shoulder. With the burning in my chest and hand hindering me I decided to do as he said.

About fifteen minutes passed, than I heard it. The roaring engine of a pickup truck, the sound spiked he’s going to drive in to the store. “ISAC GET YOUR FAT KOMMIE ASS OUT OF HERE” I yelled at the top of my lungs hoping to god that he heard me.

The Pussy wagon slammed in to the front of the store, the glass shattered, toiletries, cookies, spaghetti and just about everything that wasn’t behind me was hit by the car. All that’s left is me…… I tried not to tear up when the truck cleared the shelves and came in to my view.

Madness gleamed in the eyes of the black coat man. Fine, fuck it come on hit me tough guy. That last thought was more the adrenaline than me but I held on to it, thinking I could go out feeling like a badass.

At the last possible second black coat stopped the truck. I could barely see him because of the trucks fender but I was sure his eyes were burning green. He got out of the car “so you are the prissy fucker that took the Logos from me.” He said leaning in to get something off the passenger seat of his car. “I don’t know how you managed that, but the fact that you have the ring gives you a choice.”

He can’t seriously be referring to the ring in my pocket. “Whatever the choice is, I’ll go with F” I all but yelled. “That is my favorite one” black coat said as he rounded the car. He offered me his hand “Dalton, pleased to meet you” I took it, “Edward Flynn, pleasure is all mine.”

5

Dalton explained to me that the ring I had in my pocket carried the esance of the blue flame of creation. Whatever that means I thought as I climbed the ladder to roof of Isaacs store. “Alright Eddie, ring up” Dalton said from the opposite end of the roof. I reached in to pocket of my jacket pulled the ring out and slipped it on to my finger. I felt a jolt of electricity move through my body. Blaine thanks to the gods I thought he killed you, the voice sounded like it had no origin. Whoever you are I am assuming you can read my thoughts. So Blaine is dead, great I’ll be with you in a second just have to get the specs on you.

A red flame started to from around Daltons hand “sorry mister bum, but I am going to have to kill you now” the flame enveloped his hand. He sent a bolt of red flame at me, Crap I didn’t realize you were fighting. Raise your hand RIGHT NOW. I did as the voice instructed, Now think of something hard and metal. The voice screamed but it was to late. The bolt hit me, my chest and hand became insignificant. It wasn’t just pain it was also pressure. All the capillary’s in my eyes burst and I experienced a red out. The important part is not to panic, this is relatively minor. Minor, I can’t see anything but blood, and you call that minor. Close your eyes for a second. I did as the voice ordered. The red evaporated, blue flashed and just like that I had I my sight back. “How did you like that Ed” Dalton said barely managing to rain in his laughter. “That was a great gift” I said putting my hand over my eyes hoping he would think I was still in the red out. Alright mister how do I do that sort of thing to him, the reply came instantly You can’t, your ring simply does not have the ability. Then what can I do, “so you’re getting acquainted with Sidney, fine you have 60seconds” I nodded my thanks to Dalton. You could hurl a sword at him, how do I do that? I thought with a scowl. Just imaging that you have a sword in your hand, the ring will do the rest. The first sword that came to mind, was an Errol Flynn style rapier. Blue flames formed around my right hand hope the tape doesn’t rip, I had barely let go of the thought when the flame shot up in a straight line and just like that I was holding a rapier with an ivory white handle. “Finally” yelled Dalton, flame formed around both of his hands and I was expecting him to try for another red out. But he sprinted for me, Boss I took the liberty of dealing with your injuries. Said the voice just as I darted out of the way, Dalton started swinging so you’re a rocky fan. I dodged as well as I could, but the man was skilled. His fisted connected with my chest, it was almost life getting hit in the chest with a sledge hammer, only the hammer would probably hurt less. Defiantly a rocky fan, I was more in to Errol Flynn myself. Before Dalton could land another punch I swung the rapier at him.

The sword dug in to his shoulder, a little bit more force next time, you might just be able to take the arm off. Alright, instead of pulling the sword out I spun, making another sword out of blue flame as I went. Putting all the energy I had left in to the blow, and sure enough the arm did come off.

“Well holy hell, the bum has some skill,” Dalton said. “But there are some things you have yet to learn.”

What the hell is he talking about, Sidney, the conscience inside Daltons ring has extraordinary healing skills. Dalton walked to the edge of the roof. “Let me just get this sword out of my arm and I will show you what I mean.” Stop thinking about swords, before I could ask the voice why Dalton started slamming the hilt of the rapier in to the side of the roof, trying to dislodge it I suppose.

I put all thoughts and images of sword out of my head. How good is your healing ability? I cannot replace broken limbs or cure illnesses, I can only mend the body. Good enough, I hope.

“Thank you for getting rid of that----“ I tackled him. A move-judging by the look of surprise on his face- he was not expecting. We hit the ground with an audible thump, and crack- I am going to guess that was Daltons spine breaking- I rolled of him. Could you do something like this? I thought picturing a scene from a Wesley snipes vampire movie. Childs play, just touch your ring hand to the ground.

6

Would you please work your magic and fix me? One moment, I was momentarily enveloped by blue flame. And that was the end of the pain. I sprang to my feet.

Dalton looked like he was unconscious, Remove the ring next, right? Instead of an answer I just heard clapping. I pictured an ax-similar to the one used by Jack Nicholson in The shining-flame formed and puff. I gripped it tightly dreading what would had to come next.

I swung, thank god I’ve already done half the work. “I’m at the house in the country splitting a piece of wood.” I said in some small measure not to feel like an murderer. The arm came off, I suggest making a container to hold the hand, better for when we leave. Right, I thought throwing the axe to one side.

A suite case, really? It will fit in. City and all. And with that I stuffed Daltons detached arm in to the case.

Far off I heard sirens, That would be our cue to exit. Right, I thought. Noticing the shape of Issacs store I added. Anything we can do? The sirens got louder. I cursed under my breath, Guess we don’t have time.

After Math

Clarity of thought, something every writer must be able to achieve. In my humble opinion, this is because playing god is difficult. I struggle with it quite a lot, but the fact of the matter is I still have a method. It involves headphones an ipod, and every iron maiden album ever.

I mention this because the ring I have on my finger is a bit mindboggling. The entity within-whom I have elected to call Tristan-tells me that I can do almost anything. But with that comes responsibility, my ring is the Yin to Daltons Yang.

Though Dalton Freemantle is no more, I must still be wary. Tristan has informed me, that there are people who will come after the ring. I have taken precautions, but in Tristan’s words, You can never be sure.

All I can do is live, keep working on my writing. Keep being a good father and husband.

Keep living cause as human beings; is there anything else we can do?


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324 Reviews


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Mon Oct 13, 2014 8:07 pm
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Evander wrote a review...



Hello, Spenser! Raven here for a review! Now, I am sorry if I seem harsh at all; that is not my intention. I only want to make you a better writer! :D So, let's get started.

The Ring i found next to a yellow sea

Hm... Nice title! It gives us a little glimpse into the story, too! I just have one correction: The Ring I Found Next to a Yellow Sea.

One thing I have to comment on right off the bat is the dialogue. While realistic, it's hard to read. Every time someone new speaks, there should be a line break. Like so:

"Gee, this is an example." Josh said.

Mary said, "Wow, this is cool."

Otherwise it might be a little confusing to the reader. I thought the character was calling the man, "a bum" for a second!

Woah, the stranger just punched him like that? What was the reason? Also, why was the stranger against the main character? Because that was really strange for someone to do. Oh, there's a ring. I wonder what it is for. I mean, the title is based off it, so it must be really important.

I have all my suggestions in the spoiler!


Spoiler! :
If I am late again…….

The seven periods should be three! I see that a lot of random periods are used instead of three. Perhaps go back and edit that? It makes your writing a bit more professional

He took it with his left, and punched me in the chest with his right.You know, this is the first time I’ve left the house in almost seven years.

The corrections are in bold.

It’s just me, my wife and kid.

There needs to be a comma right there. ;)

“Eddie,” I sighed, closed my mail box and turned to face William Remus. A short stocky bald little man,,

that is among other things my land lord.

Some corrections in bold. Also, the line break right there was completely unnecessary.

“How’s it going, Will?

Add in the bold things.

The door opened, my daughter was standing in the door way,Hi, dad”

Edits in bold!

. So I wasn't going any were.

*anywhere

I didn't list all the corrections, but that's what I saw.


Woah, okay. That sixteenth paragraph was huge. (I'm counting the dialogue sets as paragraphs.) Perhaps cut it up? It was very hard to read.

I love the character though, he seems very realistic! The fact that he is a writer is even better! Not all readers like stories with the MC (main character) as an author, but I do. However, the ring that he had found has not made much of an impact on the story yet. I hope it shows up again.

Although, some of the grammar mistakes makes this story a little hard to read. Perhaps go back and proof read it?

AHA, THE COAT GUY IS BACK! I'm just a tinsy confused by the dialogue, though. I hope I can figure it out! Oh no! He can't kill Eddie!

Yay! This is new, and kinda exciting. The ring is literally talking to our main character. Would Edd be a bit confused? I just found his relative calmness sort of offsetting.

Okay! I liked the story and hope you continue with writing!

~Rae,



Random avatar
Spenser says...


RavenMoonStone

First off, thank you. This story has been a project of mine for quite a while.
My writing needs work, and i should have finished proof reading this before posting it but Dam it i just wanted someone else to read the finished copy.
Dalton or coat guy was supposed to be a bit cartoonish. Sort of like a bad guy from an early bond movie. But reading this over again I see i wasn't able to manage that.
I have a break of school coming up so i will give this a better proof read.
Edd is bit calm, the reason is very simple i was so pumped to get to the fight.
thanks for the feed back it will come in handy.
Thanks, hope to see you around
All the best
Spense



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Points: 330
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Mon Oct 13, 2014 4:29 pm
TheBob wrote a review...



Very very nice i love every thing about this story it is very well written and i love the story.

All personal opinions aside the decisions that the main character made were quite realistic which is good because then more reader can relate and it gives it a... darker meaning.

Other than a few minor grammar mistake and a few misspellings i see almost nothing wrong with this except for one thing. When you are writing dialogue you should do this, every time there is new dialogue you should start a new paragraph i notice you have a minor understanding of this in the above text.

Other than that it all very well done the words and text flow with to many hiccups.

Until we meet again Valete my friend.



Random avatar
Spenser says...


You love every thing about the story? hold on a sec I'm going to go run a victory lap around my house.

Thank you i was trying to make him a real guy. not just a piece of cardboard.

thank you for surviving this stroy. It means a lot.
Anyways i might start rambling soon.
Hope to see you around
All the best
Spense



TheBob says...


Ipsa suscipiat , amice, tui magis miris fabulis sperabunt. That's Latin try and figure it out!


Random avatar
Spenser says...


Very welcome my greind, hope to se more of these amazing stories ? That about right



TheBob says...


Close its supposed to be exactly that except for greind is friend.




He began to wonder why he had felt uneasy at all. It was like a man wondering in broad daylight why a dream had appeared so terrible to him at night.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart