Young Writers Society

This is a touching poem. It's sad, but it's beautiful because it's so true. We all just want to be accepted, like the person here. People don't like them because they are smart. But maybe they do like them and are just jealous. We'll never know because this person cannot read minds. The person is lonely and wishes they were accepted for who they are. We all go go through things like this, making this a very accurate poem.

Hey there!

First off, I’m sorry about you feeling isolated in your current situation. Here’s to hoping things work out more for you or you find a good friend! Making friends in a hostile environment can be challenging, but one day things are going to be better, which is me speaking from experience of being the new kid two years in a row in fifth and then sixth grade.

Starting at the beginning, I do appreciate the straightforwardness the narrator speaks with. This is a more fresh approach on personal reflection, so you're starting with a better means of expressing your ideas rather matter-of-factly. I do feel sympathetic towards your cause because of all the blatant remarks this poem has, but there does arise a few problems.

Your poem is, to be honest, kind of simplistic, but that's fine. This is something to branch off of and be able to improve with a richer vocabulary in the future, which could be in a week or in a year. Just writing poetry is good practice and really benefits you later on in life. Take everything to gain as much experience as possible.

Going back to the poem, you have a lot of opportunities just waiting to be snatched up and improved upon, even in the first stanza with your opening line. Here, instead of just explaining in a ten word sentence, you could place the beginning of a metaphor of some imagery on how you feel at your school. Can you envision that? I don't mean that you need to do this now; heck, even in a month, it's not necessary. All I want you to do right now is be able to see the potential in this poem.

The last four lines of the first paragraph I feel could be rewritten to flow a little better. As of right now, they're very choppy, and don't really draw in the reader. Yes, you do paint the picture of someone weary of their circumstances, but I'd love to see a little more imaginative thinking here. Again, just for future reference and hopefully this review will help guide you if and when you want to edit this and dive more into figurative language and the like.

Your whole second stanza is also an exceptional spot for some figurative language, such as comparing your crying and sadness to rain falling down outside your classroom window. I hope you can see the potential you hold in your ideas and the emotions you want to show and evoke in your readers.

The third stanza seems almost too short compared to the other three stanzas in here. I'd recommend that you either add this to the end of the second stanza or just add more to this concept. You could use the shirt as a symbol for what you want to embody, or describe it more to represent who you envision yourself as.

With the last stanza, I see potential in the parts in "quotes." Maybe instead of having them at the end, you could start a stanza with one section, and then you could expand on what that specific portion means to you. That would be interesting to see.

Overall, I like this poem as a benchmark for you. Your feelings are shown clearly through the straightforward sentences, but I do think you could add in complexity with the help of more figurative than literal language. Good luck with future writing, and I hope this helped!