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Short cryptid story Loch Ness monster aka nessie

by Spartan118


The world is filled with mysteries some yet to be solved. This is my take on those mysteries, this includes crypteds (beasts like big foot, Nessie, the yeti and others like that,) life, death, and people with special abilutes/powers. I will be writing shorts on the crypteds first and how they came be. These stories are fake so when I come to the life and death parts please do not give a religious comment as they will be deleted without hesitation by my discretion so keep that in mind when commenting or reviewing. 

The first few stories will be about crypteds, this in one particular is Nessie, the Loch Ness monster. Please enjoy and hopefully you like the short story or creative explanation to her. 

Nessie is a creature from times long forgotten, when dinosaurs roamed the lands and owned the seas. As to how she got there, is simple she has always been there, she was born there long ago when the rivers and oceans were much higher than they are now. How she has been alive to this day is the great slumber she has been in since the day of the great mass extinction causing her to be sealed in a time rift to which she can freely access but we can't. 

She is kind and scared but don't let that fool you, she will kill anyone who trespass in her lake without an offering. The offering must be a living animal and big enough to be spotted from roughly one kilometre in the air. The best recommendation for this, in my opinion, is a cow, preferably a bull. The offering shall calm her when you enter the lake to swim or to see her but seeing Nessie is not something just anyone can do. The length of time at which you can see Nessie is not yet determined as she can rush through the time rift without us noticing after the offering has been taken. Those she deems worthy of seeing her, are those with the intention of a long lasting friendship with her meaning till death do us part, even in death the friendship shall remain. 

The things that Nessie can do are quite limited but one of them is the blessing of ever lasting life along with the time rift. The miracle of ever lasting life was given to her from the time rift at the bottom of the lake. The time rift is her greatest ability but as to where she can open it is at the lowest point at the bottom of the lake at any time of year. There are rumored to be more abilities/powers she has but I believe those are only two of three the third one is unknown to us.

That's the short story on Nessie, the Loch Ness monster. 

Authors notes; I hope enjoyed and liked this. Please share this story around as I want to see a lot of comments on this and keep in mind the big name crypted like big foot, the chupacabra, the yeti, and other big names all have ideas already from me just need to write them. If you want to recommend one that is a lesser known one, drop it in the comments if it has quite a bit of folklore behind it I will do some research on it and do a short story on it, all recommendations are welcomed no matter what it is so drop it in the comments. Again please share this as I want to see a ton of comments on here from recommendations to even saying keep the good work and add more detail in the next one I'll do it. The only way ill stop these shorts are if they are getting a lot of hate to the point it's majority of the comments so yea. 

So to clarify please comment and recommend the next one and if you liked it hit the star at the top to show your support of the short stories like this and keep on reading. I hope everyone who reads this does share it somehow even if it's just copy and pasting the link. Thanks for reading.


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Thu May 10, 2018 1:01 am
alliyah wrote a review...



Hey Spartan,

there's some really quite interesting information in here that I was unfamiliar with. I would love to see this fleshed out into a full story to go with the character description of the Loch Ness monster. Also you mention in your initial author's note to not comment on the religious aspects, which makes me really curious which religious aspects you might work in because that sounds fascinating.

Overall my main critique would be I'd love more of this! More physical description of the beast. Maybe some links to records of sightings. Some more of the cultural, historical, regional background, and maybe even a long story about the beast itself.

Actually I'm not familiar at all with the term cryptids in this case, so would like some background on that as well. Initially I thought maybe it was a typo of "cryptics" but I'm assuming not based on how you refer to them in your article.

Lastly, I would maybe suggest off-setting your Author's Note with italics and fixing some of the typos in there - ie. "ill" should be "I'll", "Thank" should be "Thanks" even author's notes change the way that the reader puts confidence in the author. And taking out the typos makes your piece seem more polished, giving readers more confidence in what you're writing to be accurate and authoritative, which is especially important in the article genre.

Best of luck in future pieces! I hope you keep pursuing this project and expanding on your work, research, and stories.

~alliyah




Spartan118 says...


The religious aspects I did mention in the first paragraph when it comes to life and death as there's a lot of different "ideas" from religions and that is why I have that there. Thank you for the small errors that I didn't notice and those will be fixed as soon as I can. If there's anything you want to suggest please do so. I would love to see what is suggested.



Spartan118 says...


The religious aspects I did mention in the first paragraph when it comes to life and death as there's a lot of different "ideas" from religions and that is why I have that there. Thank you for the small errors that I didn't notice and those will be fixed as soon as I can. If there's anything you want to suggest please do so. I would love to see what is suggested.



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Sun Feb 25, 2018 3:49 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hey there. Kanome here with a review in honor of Review Day.

I have heard of Nessie, the "Loch Ness" monster in folklore and movies.
I think the way you are portraying Nessie is a creature who values friendship and is not harmful, but someone who will do anything to protect something important, I'm assuming?
I like this portrayal of Nessie, even though I am a little confused about her existence (Can't really say if she exists or not because such folklores that you did mention in your A/N can be true based on history of long ago or just made-up by people) because there's not really a lot of information... but that's okay, I understand.

Other than that, this is actually an interesting read. I would love to read about the other tales of creatures of folklore. Great job! Keep up the great work! Keep writing!




Spartan118 says...


Thanks and if I remember correctly the word cryptid means animal of folklore so yea and I just looked up the word and realized I misspelled the word so I'm gonna go fix the title. Anyways thanks for the review and are there any suggestions for which cryptid I should do next?



Kanome says...


Wendigos would be something I'd read about.



Spartan118 says...


Oh god the creatures from until dawn ill take the challenge but there's a lot of spiritual stuff with it and very dark but worth it so yea that'll be one of them



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Thu Feb 22, 2018 6:37 pm
Elinor wrote a review...



Hi Spartan!

Ellie here to give you a review.

I actually don't know too much about the Loch Ness monster and I'm not sure how much research you did, so I wanted to take this story on its own. I actually quite like your idea about writing other short stories to go along with this one about other creatures of legend! I think that could turn out really nicely.

I also like how you touch on Nessie actually being a kind creature. I was a little confused about the sacrifice, though. Again, maybe my question would be answered if I knew a little bit more about the legend, but it seems weird that someone would willingly slaughter a cow or a bull to have a long lasting friendship with Nessie.

Overall, this is a little too short for me to have any kind of attachment to it. Right now it doesn't really touch on anything other than the basics of the legend, so I don't really know any more than I did before. I wonder if you've ready any Percy Jackson? That book series does a really good job of incorporating Greek mythology in order to tell its own story. I think something similar could work really well for you. That way, if you write more stories, it could tie those together too.

Good luck writing! Please let me know if you have any questions.

Best,
Ellie




Spartan118 says...


Thanks Ellie and yes I read the Percy Jackson and the Olympians and the heroes of Olympus series I enjoyed them. And if you remember I did say the stories are entirely fake but I did do a lot of research on Nessie before and still remember it to this day and the reason behind the sacrifice is just thrown in there for no reason as other legends about a few other crypted like the kappas for instance is a cut up cucumber near their rivers as a way of asking for safe passage. I hope that cleared up the sacrifice part and the friendship part I think I touched on that a little bit but it's kinda like Thor's hammer you have to worthy of the friendship. So I thank you for the review I hope you enjoy this kind of work from me in the future and any recommendations as to what other legendary creature I should do besides the big ones that almost everyone knows?




Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman