The Labrynth: The Untold story.

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Who am I? How did I get here? These are the questions I was left to ponder. I was in a large and dark corridor in what looked to be a maze.  I figured this after wondering around for what felt like hours and finding no exits. I didn’t know how to get out or how I even got in here, but I was angry. Who would have done this to me? The only thing I knew for certain was that I was half bull, half man. The maze seemed to get darker and darker, and I eventually found it to be perpetually dark, never to get any lighter. I sat there and waited for what felt like weeks until I finally smelt the one thing I needed, food.
I didn’t know where it was coming from, but I needed it and soon. I followed the smell until I finally found it. The person with had a light with them, so I could see what the person looked like. It was a villager by appearance. He was dressed in old rags for clothes, a leather-like cloth and seemed lost and I knew how it felt. I thought about asking him if he had any food, water, or anything that could help, but when I went to ask the only sound was a loud roar. This man became scared and started to run. I didn’t know what to do, so I knocked him down. He then lay on the ground, motionless. It was then I realized he was dead. Without knowing the way out and with a lack of other options, I was led with only one choice. I had to eat this poor man or starve.
The taste of the dead man was horrific, but it was the only option. A long while later, possibly even months, I became increasingly hungry again and decided to look around again, or rather to feel around. Maybe I would find someone who could help me out of here. I looked around and eventually found a young woman, also holding a torch. She was dressed in slightly better clothes then the villager I had killed before.. She wore leathery clothes as well, but they were less tattered then the villager before. She seemed kind-hearted, so I followed her. I couldn’t risk scaring her like the others, so I hid as I followed. She didn’t seem to be able to find the way out either. As I followed I began to notice the walls more. They seemed to have symbols written on the walls that formed another language. The tunnels were made out of a material that seemed to symbolize wealth, a fine stone with an Ivory color. The woman soon became nervous and began to run. I ran to follow her, but she tripped onto a large, pointed stone and died. This was awful and I didn’t want anyone dying, especially not at what seemed to be my hands.
I looked around for more time yet, still hoping to find someone. As I searched, I became increasingly more lost with every twist and turn. Eventually I found my way back to the woman again. I was left with only the option of eat or starve again, and decided to eat. This pattern of unluckiness continued over many years(or so it felt) until something amazing happened.
I went wondering around the cave for a while, whenever it felt like a month or so passed, when I saw a line of glowing string. I didn’t know what it was, but it was different than any other time I traveled through this maze. It glowed brighter than the torches that people had brought and pulsed with energy. I followed the string in hopes of finding the way out. I eventually ran into another guy. This one was carrying a large sword and the string, looking unlike any other person I had met before. The sword was made of pure gold and silver and crafted with many jewels. The handle glowed much like the string in his other hand. He was dressed in metal armor that looked like it would withhold to any attacks from the villagers that had entered before him. He stood still and held his sword high. Great, this guy wanted to kill me.
As he raised his sword and swung at me, I tried to talk. “Wait,” I said, “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Amazingly, he seemed to understand this. He placed his sword in his pouch again.
“Are you the Minotaur?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to be called, so I simply responded saying, “I think so. Who are you?”
He responded, “I am Theseus, citizen of Athens. I was sent here to kill you to prevent the further slaughter of my people in this maze. Athens has grown weary of the constant sending of people to here by the order of Midas only to be slaughtered by a creature like you.
I explained. “They provided food, but that I didn’t try to kill anyone. I was just trying to get help to survive and escape. When they died, only then did they get supplied as food.”
He seemed to understand, but he spoke, “Killing you is the only way to save my people.”
I told him, “There was another way though. If you help me escape then we can both live. You can tell your village you killed me and I will travel to somewhere distant from here so that the king stops sending your people.”  Unfortunately he wasn’t convinced.
“How about I just kill you and then I know that Athens will be safe and the world will better off with another monster dead?” He bellowed then began to attack.
This was the first time anyone greeted me with open hostility and was persistent towards killing me. I ran off to escape him, as now he was chasing me down. He had his sworn drawn and I was running out of time. I ran until I saw the string again. I saw it and immediately got an idea. I followed the string while continuing to run. I picked up a piece of it and continually wrapped it around my arm until I reached the end. Unfortunately, I ran the wrong direction and had no chance of running backwards to correct my mistake. The only hope I had to escape now was to run around like a chicken without its head to try and find the exit. This didn’t matter to Theseus; he just continued chasing me until I reached a dead end.
As he closed in on me as he drew his sword I realized I was in trouble. There was no way around this. I was going to die. Then I realized something important. If I was able to kill the first guy I met with a single hit, then I could easily knock Theseus out long enough to find an escape.
As he drew closer I hit his back with enough force to send him flying into another wall. He hit the wall and I thought I killed him. I started walking around trying to find the exit again. Much searching was done and there seemed to be no hope of an exit anymore. Then I saw it. There was a glimmer of bright light that was unlike that of the torches placed down here since my original placing here or even the string I had picked up and carried. I followed the curves in the tunnel till I reached the door filled with light. As I stepped outside I felt a sharp pain in my legs. I looked down and saw my legs bleeding. I fell to the ground and Theseus looked at me in the eyes.
“Nice try, but you’re not escaping death. Goodbye you worthless abomination,” he said. Right as he said that the sword he was carrying was plummeted into my neck and I died instantly. He cut off my head and carried it off to his town to tell them of his news.
Now you may be asking a simple question. How are you telling me what happened if you’re dead? The simple answer is that I am a ghost. I told this to a muse for them to spread into creativity of some future person to write and tell.

 

Comments & reviews · 4
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User avatar
Angelreader77
Review

Hi sourdude!

First of all, you have a good idea over here. It's rare for the Minotaur to be portrayed as anything but a monster and you've done a good job of showing him as something else.
So you have a good plot/idea. Present it nicely, you have a great story.

What I feel you're doing here is telling and not showing. When you right a story, you want the reader to grasp what you're saying without telling it to him/her directly. I don't mean for you to be really vague while writing but to give them the clues and let them think for themselves the way the character does. For example, you said "I followed the smell until I finally found it. It was a villager.". What made the minotaur think it was a villager? Was it the smell or the clothes? Add more detail. Tell us not only what the character is thinking but why he is thinking it.

I also found description lacking. Apart from a few adjectives like 'dark' and 'long', there wasn't much to go on. Description will add a bit more life to your story. Describe the maze. The walls of the maze. The people (villager, woman, Theseus, Minotaur). The sword. What I'm trying to say is that there's lots of potential in this story you haven't exploited.

You can also add more dialogue. The entire paragraph depicting the exchange between the Minotaur and Theseus can be turned into a conversation. Not that it isn't a conversation but there should be less reported speech and more direct speech. Loads of repeated speech makes it drag and there's also lots of repetition of 'told'. There has to be a balance between the two. You can change the order of words, replace some words and make that part more interesting.

Also try to make sure you don't repeat a word in consecutive sentences.

The constant questions in the narrative gave it a bit of... style? As sort of static through the story. I liked that.

You have a great idea and plot. A few tweaks in the way you portray the idea would make the story amazing.
Hope I helped!

Thanks. As I told Veeren, this was a school project and I will edit them both together. Thanks again.

User avatar
veeren
Review
veeren wrote a review · Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:08 pm

Hey sourdude! Remember me?
I'm here too tell you the good and bad of this little tale of yours.

What I really liked about the story is the plot.
What I didn't like was how it was written. There are way too many grammatical errors, and most of the time the story just doesn't flow.
There's also a lot of things that just don't make sense, like;

Spoiler
I was in a large and dark corridor in what looked to be a maze.


I've yet to meet someone who could tell they were in a maze by looking down a corridor they woke up in.

Spoiler
I sat there and waited for weeks...
I looked around for help over the next 3 days...
This pattern of unluckiness continued over the next 30 years...
Hours passed by...


If he was in a perpetually dark maze, how exactly would he have any sense of time? Especially as specific as hours?

There were a few more, but these two were the ones that really bugged me while I was reading. If you could manage to fix these errors, the story would be a much more enjoyable read.
You wrote a great story, but you just didn't tell it well. Hopefully next time you'll be able to fix these errors. :)
Looking forward to more works from you.

Thanks for the feed back. This was actually an assignment in my creative writing class and I appreciate this. As soon as I edit the original work I will edit this to the same rate. Thank you for your help.



I do not use my siblings as the cleaning equipment.
— Atticus