Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
I don't like poetry and,
it doesn't like me.
At all.
Icy fingers
running along my spine,
drawing blood with a fatal touch.
Down my throat.
Tear me apart,
from the inside,
monster.
Why?
I am not broken;
do not fix me.
I swear to you I'm not.
No!
Stop!
Fixed.
Perfect.
Cookie-cutter.
Lobotomy.
I don't think,
it quite cuts the mustard.
Failure.
War.
Inside of my head,
and without an end.
Don't do it again.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi there! Scarlet here to review!
I have a few nitpicks I'd like to discuss.
NITPICKING TIME!!!!!
I don't quite understand why it's in humor? I don't mean to be rude, but I really didn't find it funny.
Maybe Humor isn't the best place for this also why is it rated 16+ for violence? It's not violent at all and therefore really shouldn't be placed like that.
Is this your first poem? It's not bad for a first but it needs a good deal of work done.
I didn't really feel the poem like it should've been, poems are meant to be felt and with this i felt nothing. Keep trying and practice.
Time for Tips!
- Maybe change the Genre it doesn't belong in humor. (None offense intended.)
-Write, write, write. Practice makes perfect.
-Go over it and extend it or change the words, even poem needs a beginning and a end, a start and a climax.
Overall it's not entirely bad, a lot better than my poetry.
Keep it up!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
If I'm correct, I believe this was put into humor because SoundsOfSilence doesn't particularly like to write poetry, and these are her feelings on how her first stab at poetry went. Am I right, Silence? Please correct me if I'm wrong
It would make sense if so. ThankYou Sherri.
Sherri is correct lol I just don't do poetry, and this will most likely be the only poem I ever publish.
Hey, yo, SoundsOfSilence! Strange here on this fantastic Review Day and I have a review for you!
This is totally nonetheless odd than I expected. It's interesting, as in, well, it's your first poem. We all have been to that point where we write our first poem. It's odd, and weird, but it helps you learn. Hopefully, you'll continue poetry, as it's a fine art. Now, this left me confused and ultimately muddled. Why? Let's pretend this poem is a roller coaster. An average roller coaster goes up,up,up, and drops. That's what most poems with a darker approach handles it. Now, this poem's roller coaster, went up,
And dropped. It just dropped. There was no buildup at all. I'm still confused at what this is supposed to mean, but I think I got an idea. This is how it feels to write a poem, with very explicit (not as in the cuss words) imagery. The imagery in here, is actually really enjoyable and that's a perk I'm surprised you managed to get on your first poem. But, there was no rising action to it. You just plainly dropped into the abyss. I advise, if you do hopefully continue poetry, if you don't do that. It'll help, a lot.
Overall, good job.
Strange gives you...
7.3/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Thank you for your review!
I don't think I will be continuing writing poetry. I, well, I'm pretty sure that amazingly crafted work speaks for itself lol I have done poems before but they've always been for school, never anything personal. I don't even know what the hell compelled me to write that.
Then again, do we writers need a reason to feel compelled to write?
Also, when you said 'stay groovy, my friend' I pictured the Most Interesting Man in the World saying 'stay thirsty, my friend' XD
Ahh this is a strange night.
Anyway, again, thank you for your thoughts!
ps. It was kind of meant to be a plummet... a 'losing battle' so to speak. Nonetheless, I see what you mean.
Hi SoundsOfSilence, Sherri here to review.
I really love this, and--despite the description--I wasn't expecting it. I really liked how you explained your feelings (I'm assuming that's what this poem was about) on poetry and not wanting to write it. The line "it quite cuts the mustard." was strange and unexpected, but entertaining!
Anyways, great job! I couldn't find any errors, so you're good to go. Nicely written
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
This was about my feelings; as explained in the piece, poetry and I don't get along.
Well I think this poem sets me up for the failure part right away when you say you don't like poetry, lol.
The secret to poetry, as of all writing, is doing it. You've just got to write and write until words lose all meaning. Write nonsense poetry, write poems that you will hate on purpose. I can't tell you how many sheets of paper have been ripped in my life and I'm still young.
Good job. Don't stop. Writing is, if nothing else, a great outlet.
Thank you! Writing is indeed a great outlet. I'll probably just stick to short stories, though.
'Nonsense poetry' sums this work up nicely. Poetry and I... just do not get along.