Fire in the Sky - ​Prologue: The Birth of the Riders

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Author's note: This is in need of some serious critics.

Anything constructive, not just nit-picks, will be appreciated. Specifically, the last few paragraphs.

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In the beginning, when the planet was still very young, man and dragon were sworn enemies.

Since he was born, it has always been man’s nature conquer anything he could, to take whatever he desired, no matter what the consequences were. Man’s civilization started out small and insignificant, they were at the bottom of the food chain, but one day something shifted and man soon spread across the land like an uncontrollable wild fire. Massive cities and kingdoms were erect seemingly overnight. They wanted to make their presence known. Nothing was safe from them, nothing was there to step in and stop them, not even their own kind; they would wage war against each other just so that they could expand on their kingdom.

Usually peaceful unless bothered, dragons were not usually creatures of conflict. They were considered of higher intelligence than most of the creatures that roamed the lands. Their natural instinct was to live and let live. But the humans soon learned how quickly the dragons, when threatened or pushed, would push right back.

Refusing to allow a creature much smaller, much weaker than they were try to take them down, the dragons, to whom the world was rightfully theirs having been around longer than man, began slaughtering as many humans as they could. The bloody war waged between human and dragon lasted for centuries. The dragons would destroy villages, pose as humans and kill from within, leaving behind a path of bloodshed, torture, and destruction.

Eventually, the humans were slowly forced back to the place they belonged. They had messed with the wrong enemy and the price they paid was not worth it. Because of their crusade, a crusade which all began out of greed and lust for power, much of the land was destroyed. Plants and animals lay dead, and the world began to decay. To this day, there are parts of the world still remains uninhabitable because of the darkness looming over it like a thick and impenetrable blanket of despair.

One day, a man named Valiar, bravest knight of all the land, dared to challenge the king of dragons, Urvail.

It was going to be a fight to end all fights, the battle that would determine who would truly be victorious. The battle was said to have lasted for days, moving into weeks.

When everything was calm, something amazing had happened.

Valiar had emerged riding upon Urvail’s back proving that he had managed to bond with such a beast. It was not out of conquer or force, but from the heart. The sight was something to behold, and the people he looked upon stared back at him with eyes filled with both fear and awe. They did not know what to make of this. Some thought of him to be some kind of God, others wanted him dead, called him a traitor. The idea of humans and dragons bonding was ridiculous, impossible, for dragons had been seen as horrible creatures for a long time. Peace was a thought that had been completely wiped out of the minds of man.

Determined to change man’s view on dragons, Valiar founded the Dragon Riders. A statue was even created in his honor, as a symbol.

The Dragon Riders serves as the kingdom of Ma’aekhiol’s first line of defense in its military, whose sole purpose was to mend the bond between human and dragon.

Dragons are wild creatures and as such were hard to bond with. They could not be tamed, or forcefully broken, for, as humans had learned over the years, they were very strong-willed. A dragon chooses its own rider and not the other way around. So Valiar had a system put in place, to determine whether or not someone was indeed able to become a dragon rider.

Thus the Bonding Ritual was established. After completing an intense seven months of training, new recruits are to challenge a dragon in a fight in order to prove themselves as a rider. Failure results in death. Those who survive, on the other hand, are greatly rewarded. When the bond is formed, human and dragon are one with each other. They share powerful emotions, such a pain, sorrow, anger, joy, happiness, etc, and are able to sense where the other is at all times. As a result of this bond, a human is also able to tap into their dragon’s power and unleash powerful magic.

Many have lost their lives, but those who have survived became powerful warriors. They are the bravest of the brave, quickly embraced by the people of Ma’aekhiol as heroes. Other kingdoms were still skeptical, however. Fortunately that was also quickly expelled. The riders had devoted their lives to continuing Valiar’s cause.

This tale begins five-hundred years later, where everything is peaceful yet remnants of the war between man and dragon remain.

Kingdoms are falling one by one, and now it’s up to a brave group of riders to head out to Neyr, a kingdom that has become polluted by an evil poison out of the blue, seemingly overnight. The man who came to the current of Ma’aekhiol, Darius Arvellion IV, was said to have reeked of death.

What awaits our dear riders?

Comments & reviews · 4
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brreynolds Review

I'm not sure if I would call this a prologue, but it is definitely an interesting introduction. I do think it would make a very interesting story line, but I'm not sure that the way the information is presented is necessarily the best for inclusion in the story itself. The way it is now, it strikes me as more of something that you could use for your own purposes while writing. For me, it would have been better if the information was kind of conveyed while you're telling the story itself rather than before beginning the story- kind of a, "show don't tell" thing. Having said that, I do think it would be interesting to see where you're going with this- it's definitely a nice start!

Thanks for your review!

That's what worried me... I'll just have to try harder to give it a more prologue feel.

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TigersMoon
Review

This is a very good prologue. It sets up the story and gives the reader background on the plot. The relation between man and dragon is clear and interesting.

It loosely resembles Eragon, with the bonding and magic, but no so much that it (with the right touch) can be completely different.

Things you should explain/expand on:
How did the dragons pose as humans?
How does the bonding work?
How was the skepticism of other kingdoms expelled?

I personally like how if you fail the Bonding Ritual you die. Don't let anyone tell you that's too violent. That's perfect. It shows how much the dragon riders wanted to be apart of this and how brave they are.

This is wonderful and can easily be a great book.

-M.P. Tigers

Thank you for the review!

You know what's funny? I've never read Eragon. But everything will be expanded on, and explained better, as the story progresses.

I have a lot of ideas for this story.

User avatar
Authorian
Review

First off, I'm impressed. When I first saw the description, I thought 'great ANOTHER how to train your dragon knockoff' but the story, while holding loosely to other ideas, is very original.
The beginning reminded me much of the intro to 'Avatar: The Last Airbender.' But not so much so that I felt cheated.

Grammar, tenses, and writing:
"Massive cities and kingdoms were erect seemingly overnight." It should be 'Would Erect' Or 'Were Erected' besides that the grammar is perfect, at least from what I saw.
The tenses are set in the right time line.
The writing flows well and is easy to read and understand, it's easy for these kind of intros to be confusing, you managed to avoid that.

Feel:
The emotions struck in the read strike the right chord without fail, very well done.

Overall:
Well written, looking forward to the characters of the story, and the story goal.

8.6/10 great first chapter!!

Thank you for the review!

I won't deny there were a lot of things that inspired this. Thankfully, How To Train Your Dragon, I can assure you, was not one of them. Never understood the appeal of that movie... I like dangerous dragons, not childish ones lol

As for the grammar, I'll be sure to fix that. :)

This is a huge work in progress ._.

I got the chills as I was reading this. As far as I'm concerned, this looks like a promising story that's coming. There are just some parts that you could reword in the process I like to call, "Show, not tell." Show, not tell is simple. It's a way to show more description. I know this is the prologue, and you don't want to reveal too much, so don't reveal too much. However, I story shouldn't exactly be "Point A one paragraph, Point B paragraph two, Point C paragraph three," if you are trying to bring teen and adult readers into reading your book. Try describing the scene with adjectives. That's step one. Step two is letting the story flow. Otherwise, keep writing.

Thanks for your review!

'Show, not tell'? I've never heard it put that was before. Nonetheless, thanks for pointing that out. I'll be sure to keep that in mind when I edit, and for future installments!



My spelling is wobbly. It's good spelling, but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.
— A.A. Milne