My eyes have been opened in the end
I was truly unprotected and simple unprepared
You caught me as I was going around the bend
I never would of thought you could be so unhinged
What caused you to do what you did
Never mind about disregarding your own ways
I guess it was high time we got some change
In our simple pathetic lives that we both left behind
I never thought this life would be like this
As we're looking down amongst the flashing lights
And the shambles of what we were
We'll we be together forever
I'm not sure if I could handle that quite yet
Will the crashing sounds of the past ever leave my head
And the feel of smashing glass going through my face
I guess that's the price I'll have to pay
For the things that I've done
But it shall surly pass
I look at you
You look at me
You give me that smile that you haven't used forever
And I remember why I loved you
You take my hand as we get higher
And the pain of the past slowly leaves my body behind
I fell numb all over my etherical self
And soon it will be over and done with
The past will be gone
There will be no going back
You'll be always there
Along with your memories of what you were
And what you've done
I try to pull away from your grip
But our bond is stronger now than it ever has been
You don't want to let me go
Now I remember
That other man
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't want to go
I don't ever want to GOOOOO!
Falling back down at the speed of light
Light is all I see
Then the pain that I left behind comes crashing down on me
But it's not as bad as the pain you put me through.
Now I can truly be alive.
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140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hello, SoundsofLife!
I liked these lyrics because they were filled with so much emotion and I think that that's what really made it different. I'm used to reading quite generic lyrics about a situation, but these were certainly the opposite. I loved how specific they were, it really made it interesting to read. I'd love to hear the music if you have any to go with it.
Small error ^
As these are lyrics, I'm not going to look at them in a complete poetic sense. After reading these it left me wondering how these would actually fit with music. These lyrics are quite narrative, which is fine. My main issue is the structure of this piece, in that there isn't really a structure. I think you need to more clearly define verse/chorus or just different sections if you don't want to do the whole verse and chorus thing. But I think there should definitely be some sort of hook/repeated part. You don't have to call it a chorus, these lyrics are quite abstract anyway, but some kind of repeated section would be good.
My other suggestion was just to include some more imagery/ description. These lyrics aren't quite the ones found in usual pop songs, so I thought adding some more poetic techniques would fit these nicely. I briefly read what these lyrics are based on in the comments below, so there's loads of imagery that could be used here regarding that topic. You don't have to explain what happened, but I think some more descriptions would be good.
That's all I really have to say, sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but I did really like this. I generally do like lyrics which don't follow the usual structure. However, that does make it harder to add music to. I hope this helps, feel free to ask me any questions or if you'd like another review on anything. Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Thank you so much for reviewing this!
I understand all the imperfections that you are pointing out in this piece, when I writing this I didn't really have to time to finish it the way I wanted to, but I really wanted to post the idea around the same to get peoples reactions.
The lack of imagery is simply because I was rushed making this, and creating imagery in lyrics that can be understood by everyone can be vary difficult and takes a lot of time, and what I created here needs a LOT more imagery, time to perfect, and edit.
I had the music playing as I was writing this, and the music somewhat matched with the lyrics. I'll have to send the SoundCloud link to let everyone listen to the music while they read the lyrics, I could sing the lyrics with the music but my singing voice isn't that wonderful. LOL
Thanks again for the review! =D
Hi there! Selena1227 here to do a review!!
Overall, this is really good!! It's very thought provoking and that's pretty great. I don't see anything wrong with it and I just found it really interesting and sort of sad because to me, it just sort seemed like it was about someone having to leave someone they really liked and that's just really sad when you have to do something like that. I really liked it and I look forward to reading whatever else you write!!
Thank you for this nice review Selena!
You've got some grammar mistakes that I would encourage you to go through and root out; if you want me to go through and edit it for grammar, just pm me and I'd be happy to, but sometimes it's quicker just to read through it yourself.
I thought it was an interesting choice to include no punctuation until the end, yet still include capitalization. I might suggest getting rid of capitalization too, but I'd love to hear your reasoning behind that.
"We'll we be together forever/ I'm not sure I could handle that quite yet". Though I'm pretty sure you meant "Will we be....", this stanza is one of my favorites in this poem; I love how she can't handle forever yet, like she'd have to handle it all at once. It's really interesting.
The plot is a bit confusing; but I feel like it's about someone in an abusive situation? And he pretends to be a good guy, but then she remembers how awful he is? That's an oversimplification, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the right track.
Really good piece; hope this review helped and if you have any questions, feel free to pm me.
-tgirly
This song is suppose to about a guy and his ex-girlfriend who are both killed in a car wreck caused by his ex who was driving the car with him in the it, held agents his own will. The ex is filled with raged after finding out that her suppose boyfriend she loves is dating another women, so this makes her go crazy and she decides the best way to deal with it is to kidnap her boyfriend and kill herself and her suppose boyfriend by driving the car off a cliff. So most of the story about the guy knowing that he's dead and that he's going to the next life with his ex, and so he's trying to figure out how this all happened and understanding how crazy her ex really is, so at ending he's pulls himself away from her and his soul returns to his body, then he comes back to life without his ex being there to control his life.
In hindsight I look at what I posted here and all I see is vague nonsense, and I forgot that I posted this till you reviewed it.
It was late at night when I got the idea to type up these lyrics, but for some reason I published it accidentally without giving it any editing or anymore thought process on how to makes this more interesting for the readers.
Thank you for reviewing this and I might take up on your offer of you helping me edit this work. I see about 80% of what I did wrong myself but it would be nice to get these lyrics less vague and more interesting for the readers and published it with you as coauthor. It's always nice to get a second opinions.
So I'll send you a PM so we can get this sorted out if you're up for it?
Thanks!
Yeah! That'd be great fun; just send me a pm when you're ready for me to go through it and I'll see what I can do.