A green house sits,
On a sunbaked street.
Waiting for a blue-eyed girl,
And her children to come home,
When they finally do,
His lights cheer them up.
He remembers when the blue-eyed girl,
Had a brown-eyed boy,
All she has now is a box engraved with his name,
Tears on her half-empty pillow,
And two girls with hazel eyes and familiar smiles.
He listens to the years since the box appeared and the boy was gone,
and counts 1,2,3,4-
He knows that the blue-eyed girl is tired,
She wants a new start.
So, gathering her things,
She leaves him empty,
He knows she will be happy,
With rain filled skies,
And warmth filled windows but,
He misses the laughter.
Now he only speaks,
With a pale brown-eyed boy.
The lonely green house,
Sits quietly for years,
He almost loses hope,
But his blue-eyed girl surely must come home,
The brown-eyed boy misses her too but...
Still, she does not come.
A sun-baked street full of amber sounds,
On its sidewalk, familiar feet tread,
A hazel-eyed girl with a reminiscent smile,
Greets her green house once more.
With a tear and a prayer,
For her childhood and the brown-eyed boy.
The green house sees his lost child,
And greets her with cheer like he used to,
When her mother and sister were there,
He misses them too.
But now he has a hazel-eyed girl,
Who fills the house with joy again.
He gets his laughter and warmth filled windows,
A family grows happily in his rooms,
In that green house on the sun-baked street,
Full of amber sounds on its sidewalks.
The hazel-eyed girl is watched over
By a green house and a pale brown-eyed boy.
...
This poem is absolutely beautiful, I loved it. The way you told it from the perspective of the house is unique and lovely, and the story is so wholesome and heartfelt. Your use of words and focus on the eye colours specifically were absolutely incredible!! I’m a lil too tired to do a full-fledged review right now, but I LOVE this!!
This is such a sweet story. And I love the perspective it is told from. I think houses, more than other inanimate objects take on a personality a sort of consciousness because they hold us, encapsulate up, witness us. You did such a good job expressing that. Again, lovely, lovely poem.
As for advice, I find the formating a little disruptive. It makes it a little difficult to concentrate on the wonderful poem.
Great job! - YellowSweater
Your formatting is good, it makes it more fun to read. This is sad. Listening to the years, the blue eyed girl is tired. So sad. Good stuff.
This is so nice! I love the personification of the house. The descriptions were on point and super great. And the feelings you describe leave you like, House IM NEVER LEAVING YOU.
this hit hard because we're moving right now...
But the lonely and happy and everything and i felt it...
Wow! First of all, excellent personification of the house. You made me feel things for an inanimate object! (THANK YOU for ending on a happy note so I don't have to cry over it)
Next - I really like how you don't directly say if the pale boy is a ghost or spirit of some sort. I believe poems shouldn't give you everything directly, instead make you work to figure out what the author is talking about. I think you did that!
I am curious though - is the boy her husband or another kid?
Anyway, I love this poem. This really is beautifully written, with just the right amount of feels. Would read any other poems you have written.
have a good day
- Book_Dragon
Hi!!
this is an amazing poem that pulls on your heartstrings. Your poem wonderfully describes how a person feels from an outside perspective.
Some suggestions/questions I have...
Who is the pale brown eyed boy-was he her husband?
Somethings I loved
1. I love your personification of the house-you made it so we felt bad for the house and its sorrows.
2. the way you described loneliness- we have all felt lonely before and I think you described it perfectly
3. the FREAKING entire thing.- it was beautifully written and it flowed so well
and thats all today
your friend
Evz
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