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140,568 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
Very nice!I sometimes feel like that.
I love it, and I'm not just saying that. It is really good.
Oh.... My..... God...... it was great. I read the spoiler afterwards and that made it even more harrowing. I loved it, it was great. I feel sooo bad that you lost your twin sister, and its so impressive that she was writing at age 8. Keep Writing!
Oh, my sweet baby Jesus. This poem was just fantastic! It almost made me cry.. (which is VERY hard to do). Don't change a THING, because it's amazing the way it is! :3
This is so good that it’s extremely hard for me to believe that an eight year old wrote it. The punctuation and rhythm are pretty much flawless, and I don’t think that a single thing needs editing. It’s amazing, really. I’m really glad I read it.
I wouldn’t edit it out if it’s what she wrote, but the comparison to a scratched CD didn’t seem to fit and kind of confused me. Also, the poem seems to end somewhat abruptly.
But like I said, if your sister wrote this at eight, or younger, than this is pretty much a masterpiece. Thanks so much for sharing
Chica, this poem turned me into an empath. Just reading it for the first time made me feel your pain. I know how it feels to lose someone close to you. I lost a grandfather back at 2001. Don't change the poem, chica. This poem is beautiful and it lets me feel how it is to lose a sibling. It touched my heart and always all, forever.
HOLY SCHMACKAROONS! O.o Seriously! I usually start my review with a greeting, but your poem just took my breath away!
Anyway, I've got two nitpicks for you:
- The use of the word 'dread' is fine, but I think it's more emotional to use 'dreadful'. You can just ignore this nitpick though. It's not really a big thing.
- The wording is nice here
*breathes deeply* This poem is really awesome.
The title is nice by the way.
Never stop writing!
EDIT: Oh, right! It's your sister's! Sorry. xD She did great!
Hello. I'll get straight to the point.
Sounds a bit awkward. Maybe replace in with are?
It doesn't seem like there should be a period at the end of the first line--too fragment-y. (XD) Maybe a comma or a hyphen.
Same with this period.
Hmmm.... seems like there should be a you followed by a hyphen on the end of this first line.
This is saying "It is drifting us apart", so "its" should have an apostrophe there.
....I don't know. Seems as though there should be punctuation more definitive than commas and semicolons here. XD I'm sorry. I don't know on this one.
I don't think that first apostrophe should be there, but it could be read in a different way than I'm reading it. I don't know.
...this seems like your sister either had the ability to see at least a little bit of the future, or that she came to a moment of truth.
Either way, it's a good poem.
Yeah. I love it but if I do change, it will mostly be grammar. She meant a lot and she was amazing with her writing, in my opinion...I really miss her but her poetry keeps me going on since I know she would want me to write. I hope she likes it and hope she forgives me for fixing her horrific spelling XD. She will always be in my heart...
Agreed. Though, I would change ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This is a poetic masterpiece. If you change it, I will gasp in terror, faint, ad then get back up so I could scold you, then collapse from over-deprivation. Keep it hon. really. For her.
OMG...THIS IS BEAUTIFUL