There are reasons for things. And things for reasons. The words echo through my head, for no particular reason, in particular.
Listen, my age is just a number. I'm just riding on it. I'm not in it for the drama, so don't expect any drama out of me alright? That's the difference between me, and the rest of the kids here.
Highschool is a melting pot of media merchandise. You've got a High School Musical, Pretty Little Liars, Glee, Freaky Friday, Sixteen Candles, Carrie, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Beuller's Day Off, Halloween Town, Air Bud, Mean Girls, The Duff, Grease, Easy A, Twilight, Hairspray, 17 Again, 21 Jump Street, The Karate Kid, Zoey 101, That's So Raven, The Vampire Diaries, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Hannah Montana, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, and Archie Comics to name a few! Freakin' Archie Comics!
I remember when Archie used to mean day dreaming at the pool side with my so called "best friends" eating chips, and day dreaming about our future boy friend's hairstyles. Hilarious. The closest I've ever gotten to running my hands through some dream boat's luscious locks was when I volunteered at the animal shelter two years ago. I was putting my life into scrubbing this stray, and the dog decided to have one last go at it before it's inevetable neutering. So, given my thoroughness, I suppose my leg seemed as good a target as any. Wet dog suds everywhere. It took two volunteers to drag him off of me.
Do you ever cringe thinking of those silent things you thought or did? I do. And late at night when i'm counting each rock in my collection, or meditativley rehearsing conversations over and over in my brain, one distinct sensation from that hideous memory echoes in my cranium. Arousal.
This is why I live my life. This is why the world is warming up and we're all going to drown in the icebergian equivalent to pre-teens, swelling and rising in heat at a Justin Beiber Concert. Because i'm pretty sure Nichiren, of like 13th century China said something along the lines of "If you set flame to your neighbour's terrible wall, so will flame be set to yours..." anyway the point is we're all connected, and there are too many skinny girls in the world and punk rebel-wanna-know what-I-wanna-be's to spend time thinking anything other than this one utter truth:
If my life can be summed up to a grungy dog humping my leg on the wet tiled floor of dust street corner animal shelter, so can this whole bloody universe. And that my friend, is my fact.
Textbooks, dirty looks, mandatory friends, and the wooden crate containing the big black countdown clock to the rest of my life, here we come.
Welcome grade 12.
End of chapter
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139,019 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
This Holden Caulfield-esque narrative is really good.
hm, I sense some cockiness from the main character. But if we shouldn't expect any drama from him, why should we keep reading?
oh, so the narrator is a girl, presumably. Maybe make that clarification earlier. Also, "Archie used to mean day dreaming"? What does that mean?
You have a nice style, but I want to know why I should care about the main character other than "ooh I'm different" or "ooh I have a rock collection".
It's clear with this line that you want the reader to sympathize with the main character, but why? Just because he complains that his life is horrible like every teenager ever? It's chapter one, so obviously it's not gonna be too late to do so - give me reason to care about this character. Give him a name, give him an age, he mentioned it at one point but didn't say what it was. Is he 17 or 18? When I started senior year of high school I was 16, so maybe he's even younger. Maybe he skipped a grade and gets bullied. Maybe he has a tough life at home. That's what i want you to work on, making a connection with your characters. Otherwise, this is really well written and sounds like it's inspired by Malcolm in the Middle, a great show on its own. I like coming of age stories a lot. Don't give up on this, it has a lot of potential!! I want you to work on chapter two and not worry about reviewing to get more points for it, so I'm going to gift you whatever points I get from this review. Good luck.
Hello Sothisonekidwrites! I'm Artemis and I'm here for a review!
First off, the giant list in the second paragraph is waaaay to long. Cut back on the examples! Maybe you could just list five, or six. Like this:
"You've got a High School Musical, Pretty Little Liars, Glee, Freaky Friday, Sixteen Candles, Carrie, The Breakfast Club, and Archie Comics! Freakin' Archie Comics! And that's only a few o' them." Or something like that, anyway. You don't have to follow my advice; I'm terrible at giving it.
Here, in this sentence, you mention day dreaming two times. That's one too many. Choose which one you'd like to eliminate, and delete.
"I remember when Archie used to mean day dreaming at the pool side with my so called "best friends" eating chips, and day dreaming about our future boy friend's hairstyles."
Dream boat? I don't know what that is. Did you mean "boy's"?
"The closest I've ever gotten to running my hands through some dream boat's luscious locks was when I volunteered at the animal shelter two years ago."
I'm also a little bit confused about the dog-washing part...can you explain that for me? And why is there a large chunk of space in the middle of the piece? Was that accidental?
There are a couple o' things wrong with this. "i'm" is supposed to be capitalized, "neighbour" is supposed to be "neighbor", "anyway" should be capitalized as well, and "know" and "what" should be connected by a hyphen. I also am a little confused about the third-to-last paragraph...
"Because i'm pretty sure Nichiren, of like 13th century China said something along the lines of "If you set flame to your neighbour's terrible wall, so will flame be set to yours..." anyway the point is we're all connected, and there are too many skinny girls in the world and punk rebel-wanna-know what-I-wanna-be's to spend time thinking anything other than this one utter truth:"
This was pretty good in detail and all (especially the countdown clock part) but I think it was hard to understand and couldn't get how it all connected to grade 12. I suggest making the idea a little bit clearer, for future readers. Keep writing, my friend!
-Artemis28
Hello. I really like your essay here about high school. It can get hard and irritating at times, but remember to always be strong if trials come in your way. Just think positive and focus on your education. It's really important.
I think that' it's a stereotype that teenagers, mostly girls, love Twilight. I like how you put all these names of shows and movies here, and the truth is: not every teenager likes them.
Your essay was well-written. I enjoyed it so much. I like the ending especially.
Keep writing!!